Can anyone beat this for rough looking?

[FlapsTie]

I'm sitting at the bus stop in my village with a crate of lager, wine, a fag on the go and my dog.

A group of Alpha school mums have just walked past.

How likely is it I'll be ostracised forever?

(LightfuckenHearted before I get jumped on).

AIBU?

I love it.

This is why when I want a crafty fag I hide down alleys. My biggest fear is being spotted by someone from school!

Now start shouting out random swearwords

"Oi you bastards!"

"Bleegh....fecking girls! Drink! Feck!"

You best have the dog on a bit of string... A lead would ruin the picture.

I don't smoke but look like I've been dragged through a hedge backwards. Had a half hearted attempt at straightening my hair but its frizzy, pregnant but just look fat, got rid of my facial hair the other day first time since I found out I was pregnant because I was worried about using hair removal cream, was starting to look like Groucho Marx so had to do something. now left with red blotchy bits.

Is your hair in curlers too?

Hope the dog is on a choke chain and you're wearing adidas poppers

Is it blue nun?

Are you wearing slippers and too much fake tan?

Breed of dog? 😜

There MUST be a story. C'mon OP tell us why the lager in the morning.

It depends if you're the teacher and you're planning a liquid lunch.

Sailing - pretty sure OP had just ^bought^ the crate of lager and isn't sitting swigging from the can.

Or are you?

I've stocked up on booze for the weekend during my morning school run to save going out later. Sheer laziness.

The dog is a chihuahua, not sure if that adds class or not tbh.

I'm wearing dog walking boots and a ratty raincoat. The boots are Uggs and the jacket is Berghaus, again I'm not sure if that adds or detracts from the whole look

You need to swap the dog for something a bit more aggressive looking and the clothes definitely need work if you hope to carry off hobo chic properly.

I like it.

Someone I knew swore her next door neighbour used to sit outside in her front garden in her nightie eating pork pies with squirty cream on top. Oh and no pants on.

I don't care if it's true or not but the image has stayed with me!

sue thanks for that mental image ....... oh, god, i need to get my brain steam cleaned else that will be there all day, urgh.

Sue, was this in a village starting with 'w'.?

Because that neighbour sounds like me.

.

.

.

Only joking. :)

I went out today very quickly to the post-office when DH was on the school run with my hair unbrushed, a jersey I mucked my friend's horse out in, red leggings, and flip flops because I could not find my trainers.

Bumped into DH's ex-wife who is (and always has been) very chic and very very glam.

Next time stare at them with a maniacal grin and say 'You KNOW they're watching us, don't you?'

OP you need to wear a onesie next time, and possibly also be clutching a Greggs sausage roll

Oh Romantic, isn't that always the way?

I generally look a bit of a state to be honest. My hair's really long and frizzy do always tied up messily and I never wear makeup. Add to that the constant state of frazzledness and I'm just the full glam package.

Hope you asked them wtf they thought they were looking at as they walked past, before spitting on the floor and ignoring your dog pooping all over the pavement.

Berghaus and Ugg are 'in' at my kids school, along with plenty of dark fake tan, hair in a bun or very high ponytail.

As an aside do you actually walk a chihuahua? Me and DS saw one once being walked but it kept tripping over its lead and then being dragged along. The owner was walking quite fast.

I was hoping for pyjamas and scabby uggs so you're kind of half way there!

Where I live the alpha mums are the ones boasting about drinking wine and having dinner parties and walking their dogs.

Do you have curlers in? and a neon pink gel manicure?