Can anyone beat this for rough looking?

[FlapsTie]

I'm sitting at the bus stop in my village with a crate of lager, wine, a fag on the go and my dog.

A group of Alpha school mums have just walked past.

How likely is it I'll be ostracised forever?

(LightfuckenHearted before I get jumped on).

AIBU?

Please say you are wearing a Mckenzie track suit and playing music out loud on your phone

Mmmm . . .it depends, Flaptie

Is your dog staffie x bullmastiff?

Was it on a piece of string, rather than a leash?

Was the lager Carlsberg Special Brew?

Was the wine the sort of stuff you can use to remove graffiti from your garage door?

Was the fag a "roll-your-own"?

Did you offer the kids a drag on it?

If not, you have a long way to go before you are proper scum, but you have made a promising start. I'm very proud of you.

I love that you posted at 9 am. I once walked out of a Morrisons at 8 am carrying alcohol (gift for a colleague). I did not escape unseen!

I'm always frazzled also Flaps. Even when I try really really hard I look a mess. I overheard someone describing me once as looking like I had just cleaned out the chicken coop.

I seriously do not know what it is, it is just a knack for looking disheveled! Ds has it too! I even went through a phase of ironing my jeans to see if it would help. No. :)

If neither the lager nor the wine was open I think you've failed to shock OP. sorry.

You've ruined it, a chihuahua and Uggs has moved you into a semi cool dishevelled AB Fab / Jilly Coopers type character.

You needed a Staffy or American Bull Dog and a Pauls Boutique hoodie.

This has cheered me up- I am actually quite a respectable person in the local community but have a special skill for looking rough (at least I think that's the case, maybe everyone else just thinks I'm rough!).

Last Friday I had not washed my hair for 2 days (usually do it every day to avoid looking like I sleep in a chip pan) and had been to an exercise class on Thursday night where I got very sweaty. I walked the DC to school and it started to rain on the way back so I had a lovely soggy/sweaty/greasy look. Was just getting undressed and about to jump in the shower when DD's school called to say she'd injured herself in PE and I needed to collect her. So in a panic I pulled on soggy jeans, one of DH's T-shirts, sweaty trainers and the first coat I could find (which happened to be more formal looking than the rest of the 'outfit' and went to school. It transpired that a trip to A&E was needed so I ended up sitting in waiting rooms and being seen by medical staff looking like I'd probably not had a wash in months and had just got out of bed. To add to this I bumped in to a very judgey and perfectly presented ex-colleague.

I love the mix of the chi-chi handbag dog with the lager and fag.

I be the alpha mums don't know what to think, they wont be able to pigeonhole you at all!

We don't have alpha mums in our school, it's not that kind of school or area. Well most of the mums are asian so I'd have no idea if they are alpha or not. They probably do think I look scruffy as I go round in a bike jacket, leggings and big boots. Don't have a dog and the cat probably would like a lead. I have on occaision collected DS on way back from Tesco so have had alcohol with me.

To be honest round here I'm the least outstanding in terms of classy dress. Opposite neighbour answers the door in his budgie smugglers and stands there kinda posing. Not a sight you can unsee easily!

Next time, make sure you choose the bus stop outside the bookies.

dodo

Is the dog wearing a sparkly pink tutu?

The dog is a chihuahua, not sure if that adds class or not tbh No idea why but that has given me a giggle clearly needs to get out more

It's sod law OP the days you aren't looking your best you will bump in to Absouletly everyone you know

answers the door in his budgie smugglers Why? Just, why?

When heavily pregnant my disabled neighbour begged me to go to the corner shop for him so I said yes.

Turns out he wanted several packets of fags, a half bottle of cheapo whisky and a Daily Mail.

There were Looks.

answers the door in his budgie smugglers

How can you cleanse your eyeballs? I would have to take mine out and boil them in Domestos.

^There were Looks/6

Oooooh! I'll bet there were! [grin}

Still, as we say here - If you're talking about me, you're leaving some other poor bugger alone . . .

We went into Waitrose years ago, two small kids in tow, and bought a bottle of vodka, some coke and four pot noodles. I did wince then as well. I was tempted to throw in some quinoa and kale to balance it out a bit, but didn't.

Well the boots fit for the proper rough look, but I think the dog would throw people. Anyone staring would possibly just be trying to sort out their pigeonholes to put you in!

Posing in budgie smugglers the delivery people must be reluctant!

I'm just back from Messy Play. There's some mysterious green stuff in my hair, a crusty layer over all my clothes and, I'm pretty sure, instant mashed potato on my nose.

Thank god I put mascara on this morning

Flaps

You are my spirit animal . . .

I hope you're necking the wine from the bottle and drinking a can of lager with the other fag holding hand.

I've gone full on glam for the afternoon school run. Hair down, makeup on, acceptable clone clothing of skinny jeans, boots, scarf and jacket.

They won't know what to think. I'm half tempted to down a bottle of wine and show up staggering just for the lolz.

Fifty points to me if someone asks if I'm going somewhere nice later.

All you need now to complete the look is a green smoothie.

Uggs and berghaus are aspirational where I live. And I'm sorry but that's a very refined dog you have. You could have at least swapped the lead for a grubby piece of rope. You need to get yourself a primary onesie now it's getting chilly and slouch around outside in it shouting really loudly on your phone . HTH