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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

The etiquette around posting pics of other kids on fb

24 replies

xmasadsboohiss · 11/10/2016 23:19

I'm not keen on putting pics of my children on social media and keep it to a bare minimum. I know everyone doesn't feel like this but isn't it reasonable for someone to ask me before they post a photo of my child on their page?

OP posts:

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 11/10/2016 23:21

Yes. Definitely. It is surprising how many people don't realise this until you tell them the rule, after they've done it. Annoying.

Original poster

xmasadsboohiss · 11/10/2016 23:22

So next question - should I point it out to the person? Or wait until there's another occasion when they take a pic and mention it then?

OP posts:

ayeokthen · 11/10/2016 23:24

I've politely asked all of my friends not to post pics of our kids online. I wouldn't post pics of other kids either.

cookiefiend · 11/10/2016 23:24

YANBU- if someone wNts to put thier whole life on facebook that is thier business, but it is so rude to post pictures of someone else's child without asking.

WorraLiberty · 11/10/2016 23:25

I think they should ask out of politeness.

But I know people who disagree, if the parents themselves post pics of their children anyway (bare minimum or not).

Either way, the most important thing is that the child is having pics posted of them online and they don't get a say in it at all so in a strange sort of way, it's fucked up really IYSWIM.

cookiefiend · 11/10/2016 23:25

Message them and tell them now you don't like it. If they do not take it down then don't let them take pictures in future.

Original poster

xmasadsboohiss · 11/10/2016 23:28

I'm not 'friends' with them on fb - more acquaintances in real life. If I am going to tackle it I think I would rather do it face to face as it can be tricky to get the tone just right on messages.

OP posts:

WatchingFromTheWings · 11/10/2016 23:29

^What Cookie said.

I do have pics of my kids on my FB but my page is 100% private (I've checked!) so the only people who see the pics are people in my list....who I'd share with /show the pics to anyway. I wouldn't post pics of other people's kids at all.

smellyboot · 11/10/2016 23:39

In general it's a total no no. Unless you have asked or know them well and know they would be ok.
All organisations ask before they use photos for safeguarding reasons but also because some parents simply do not want their kids on social media for loads of different reasons - or want to only do it themselves and choose when etc
A simple request not to do it should be understood and if not they are totally out of touch

WhingyNinja · 11/10/2016 23:40

I personally would be very unimpressed if someone posted a picture of my daughter without my permission, their privacy settings may not be as restrictive as mine are, plus it's a bit weird and rude.

bumsexatthebingo · 11/10/2016 23:41

I will post pics of my friends kids who I know don't mind and tag them and they do the same. I wouldn't post pics of other ppls kids though and am a bit when people post the class photo etc as there are some people who might not want friends of friends knowing what school their child goes to for v.good reason.
If there is no good reason for it and your kids are just in the background in a public place I think you are a little u not wanting people to post pics.

TaterTots · 12/10/2016 00:27

I would always take my lead from the parents. For example, I would never post pictures from my niece's birthday party if my sister hadn't already done so.

RoseGoldHippie · 12/10/2016 08:21

At a recent friends wedding, the bride asked everyone not to put pictures of her son on fb from the day. One person did and she was furious! I don't see the need for people to put kids on there and I have chosen not to put any pics of anyone else's up on there (I'm ttc so none of my own yet :()
What I hate most though is children having their own accounts, in fact I have even received friend requests from some babies which I find really weird.

RoseGoldHippie · 12/10/2016 08:24

Bumsex - oh yeah if they happen to be in the background etc and not tagged I don't see that can be an issue - although you could just start photoshopping plants over them in really helerious ways hahaha x

ConvincingLiar · 12/10/2016 08:28

I would only post photos of people's children if they were a) flattering and b) adding to pictures already posted by parents. It's more likely that I'd send photos to parents and let them to post though.

There's only one photo of my children on Facebook. I don't want any others. If people post photos I ask them to remove them. I'll acknowledge that it's unusual, but nevertheless that's a choice we made as parents.

HarleyQuinzel · 12/10/2016 08:41

I find it odd tbh, unless you have reasons in which case you wouldn't post any yourself?

I don't post any pics of my DS for a reason (don't want a particular person knowing I have a child) so everyone's asked me but if you have pics yourself, even if it's only one, can't see the issue personally.

Boysnme · 12/10/2016 08:54

I would post photos of my kids and friends kids who I knew were ok with it. If I am unsure I either ask or don't post. I would definitely not be happy about someone who wasn't even my 'friend' on FB posting as you have no way to even see what's going on with it or who is commenting / seeing it. I'd probably let it go this time but say you are not happy about it soon before it becomes a norm for this person.

Matchstickbox · 12/10/2016 08:56

I thought I'd be ok with but my pregnancy was a surprise and my mil kept posting things about pregnancy against my, & DP wishes.
So now she's banned from putting any photos not authorised by me up.
And I'm fine with it due to privacy reasons. And FB has permission to use any of your photos as it wishes.

Also
www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2016/09/16/18-year-old-sues-parents-posting-baby-pictures-facebook/90479402/

BabyGanoush · 12/10/2016 09:00

My 14 and 11 year old don't want their pictures on FB

I respect that, and would hope others do too (saying that, nobody thinks teenage boys are cute or photogenic, so it's rare for someone to take a pic of them )

Neither of them are on social media either, they just text or e-mail their friends directly

Anyway, it should be the kids' choice. And if they are very young (not yet secondary school age), the parents get to choose for their kids, imo

Rentergob89 · 12/10/2016 09:10

I wouldn't be ok with someone posting pictures of my DC without my consent. I post of my own children but that's up to me. I also have lots of photos of my DC with my god daughter but her father does not like photos of his child on social media which is fair enough and I respect his wishes. Ask them to remove the photo and in future they must ask you for permission.

AngelBlue12 · 12/10/2016 09:13

I ask people to take pictures down if they post any and say not to do it again.

NickyEds · 12/10/2016 09:23

I don't put pictures of other people's children on fb, I don't put pictures of my own children on fb (at all)and I would be pissed off if someone put pictures of them on. I would expect them to ask me and not be arsey when I said no.

Original poster

xmasadsboohiss · 12/10/2016 10:01

Harley I do think there's a world of difference in my putting pictures of my kids on fb and someone else doing it without asking me first. I've only posted pics of them three times in ten years so it has to be a pretty massive occasion for me to do it. The photo in question features my kids prominently, not in the background. If they were background I wouldn't be bothered.

As for having a 'specific' reason for not liking it - I don't have one. I just don't want stuff about them on the internet for everyone to see forever. It's a privacy thing.

OP posts:

Dontpanicpyke · 12/10/2016 10:09

It's incredibly rare for kids from 10 onwards to not be accessing social media. Generally teenagers don't do FB now as that's middle age stuff but do snap chat etc. I have 4 teens and they and all their friends post pictures.

No photos of FB are private so don't run away with that idea however 100% sure you are of your settings.

Still it's up to parents although have to say if you post pics of your own small children you can't really get pissed off if others do the same.

I wouldn't post pics of other people's kids as I don't care about them enough except my delicious GC.

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