To ask for help with losing weight? (title edited by MNHQ)

[oneaddiction]

I've deliberately posted here as I probably need harsh responses.

My mother was an alcoholic, drank herself to death when I was very young.

I am not a boozer. I am an eater, and I'm killing myself. I have no idea how to stop. We can have no food at all in this house because I will eat it. I have even taken food out of the bins and eaten it.

I've binge eaten for YEARS (since I was a kid really) but with periods of starvation in between so never got that big, then got pregnant and the only thing that stopped me feeling sick all the time was food. So I ate it.

Now I'm colossal. I still can't stop.

I'm worried I'm going to end up like my mother.

A few things - I won't go to WW or SW, please don't suggest, and I don't think counselling will help. I guess I need to find willpower but HOW. I am looking for stories form people who DID stop smoking or drinking or whatever?

[TigerInTheSnow]

I was once told by someone who worked with alcoholics, that it's common for the children of alcoholics to have binge eating disorders. I think the theory being that what makes makes a person predisposed to alcohol addiction can be hereditary, and alcohol abuse and binge eating are closely linked. Whether or not this is true in your situation, it sounds like you need more in depth help than mustering up a bit of will power and joining weight watchers. And there is absolutely no shame in seeking help- is there a reason why you feel you absolutely must sort this on your own? It's very difficult, if not impossible sometimes, to overcome certain issues without support and some professional guidance.

I wish you all the best, I don't normally post on here but felt compelled to as your post gave me the feeling that you are being really very hard on yourself. Having your mother drink herself to death must have been a horrifically traumatic experience and awful loss for you. Would you reconsider having counselling? You may have to try more than one counsellor to find one you feel comfortable with, and some are better than others. You really don't need anyone to tell you to pull yourself together, stop being such a glutton and just go to WW. If it were that easy you wouldn't be struggling with this addiction now! I hope you find the support you need, and try not to be harsh on yourself. Easier said than done I know.

[Lorelei76]

OP
This seems like addiction
What would you suggest to a friend who was addicted to something?
I note you say something worked in the past, have you been able to figure out what it was?

[blueskyinmarch]

Lovely I do realise i was being simplistic when i said you need to ‘eat less and move more’ to lose weight. I guess i was trying to get the OP to see that her issues lie a lot deeper than just finding some will power and losing weight.

[oneaddiction]

That is helpful to a point Tiger.

Both me and my sibling have addiction issues although mines more 'hidden.' Not sure I can exactly blame my mother, can barely remember her tbh.

[OnceMoreIntoTheBleach]

OP how much do you weigh, if that's not an intrusive question? Only because I have suffered body dysmorphia and I wondered if you maybe need a balanced view of that first before you take drastic action on your weight. You mentioned periods of starvation in your OP so I'm wondering if the disordered eating is possibly linked to disordered sense of your self.

I've been there, in many levels

[ragz134]

Would you tell someone else with a mental health problem that they need to sort it out themselves? No? Then see a doctor. Get professional help. Addiction and mental health issues are just as real as physical disease and there is no reason to feel you need to punish yourself by tackling it alone. If it was as simple as finding motivation, you'd have fixed it already.
Please, see your GP.

[oneaddiction]

Tbh Lorelei it was just willpower, I guess being slim was more important than the food and I was able to stick to it. Now though - nothing is more important.

[oneaddiction]

I weigh 14 stone, which is pretty hefty at my height (I'm not very tall.)

[2kids2dogsnosense]

I think Paul McKenna has a book with a cd. For the cost of a book that might be worth trying?

I'm a qualified clinical hypnotherapist, and I can promise you that the book and CD won't help. P McK is a very successful therapist and if OP could afford 1-to-1 therapy with him, he may well be able to help, but for psychological problems as complex and deep-seated as the OP's a generic CD will not be effective.

Eating disorders are the hardest I've ever dealt with, and I know many hypnotherapists would agree with me. The root causes are usually so complex, often unacknowledged, unconsciously buried and subconsciously held on to (believe it or not). They are a desperate defence mechanism - the unconscious mind quite literally regards the problematic behaviour as a course of action which is a necessary survival technique. It usually takes a lot of time, hard work and a skilful therapist who is totally trusted by the client to successfully intervene in a situation like this.

For people who just "like their food", the CD may be helpful.

[Evergreen17]

Hi OP. I have struggled with food addition all my life I think.
I used to smoke, I did for 10 years, then I quit.
But for me it was easier to quit smoking using my willpower (and knitting) than to keep my weight on track.
Because you do have to eat so I cant cut food out as I did with smoking
You say you want to do this on your own and I believe you can
I didnt do WW but I did subscribe on line and had an app and it helped me so much!!!
It isnt like a diet but to learn what to eat. You are still pretty much in control.
If you dont want that, fair enough, make your own plan. Write it down and it you fail 1 day you start again the next. Because you will fall off the wagon. But you keep going.
That is how I quit smoking.
I wish you well

[teaandakitkat]

I'm reading a book called The Power of Habit. It explains how bad habits form and gives you ideas of how to change them. You might find it helpful?
I can't explain it right, but it talks about cues, something that makes you think you want to eat. Maybe your cue is sitting down on the sofa, or some kind of stress, it can be anything. Then there is the habit of eating something, then your brain gets the 'reward' of feeling satisfied, even if 5 minutes later you know you shouldn't have done it. (Like me with the jar of chocolate spread and a teaspoon earlier this evening).
Then he sort of explains how you can't change the cue, or the reward you are seeking, but you can start to change the habit.
So you learn to recognise your cue and you substitute the habit for something else, like having a glass of water, and eventually one habit replaces the other.
That sounds really easy, but the book does explain how hard it is. And I've probably also explained it really badly.

You should read it, you might find something helpful in it. Sorry, I can't remember who wrote it.

[Owllady]

I'd explore getting some psychotherapy, though I've noted you don't want to talk to anyone but part of breaking an addiction is letting other people in. Deal with it now, whilst it's manageable.

[oneaddiction]

I have wondered about taking up smoking, as I feel maybe at least part of my behaviour is a kind of rebellion, against what/whom I don't know!

But I hate the smell and knowing me I'd just end up fat AND addicted to cigs!

[reader77]

You've said you don't think counselling will work.

Counselling is simply talking therapy. And you're doing a pretty good job of that here. The only difference would be is that you would be talking to one person on a regular basis, rather than to many people on a forum.

Why not at least try it?

[Yika]

I am not very keen on counselling either. I wouldn't start by trying to do anything per se. I would read and study a lot around the issue - from personal accounts to scientific studies. Meanwhile keep posting here. Perhaps keep a diary or write down some memories of your past. somewhere something will resonate and take you down a useful path. As others have said it doesn't sound as though you are ready to take action yet - so start where you are.

[Alibobbob]

Have you tried going for walks - leaving your purse at home.

You sound strong willed you believe you know what will work for you. What is stopping you seeing your GP? Is it embarrassment or acknowledging you have a problem? Is this a coping mechanism? Trying to cope with your Mum's illness and death?

It's easy to say don't buy junk it's another thing being out there thinking you can control your urges and not being able to. I don't know what to suggest to be honest. I hope you find a way to beat this X

[Evergreen17]

Do NOT start smoking OP!
I started as a teenager because I had an eating disorder and I thought it would "distract" me from eating.
I ended up with am eating disorder and a new addiction.
Dont

[NotdeadyetBOING]

Hi OP. Sounds like a clear food addiction issue. And if that is the case, attempting to 'find willpower' will never work. I strongly urge you to try an OA meeting. What have you got to lose? I have a lot of addiction in my family and the fellowship WORKS. I have 2 friends who go to OA and it has changed their lives. But you have to want it. It sounds to me as if you are close to being desperate enough, but not quite there yet (which is why you are putting up barriers). I wish you all the luck in the world. It's a really horrible trap to be in. Good luck

[oneaddiction]

I don't want to see my GP for a myriad of reasons but I think the main one is knowing how likely failure is. Then, every time i have a stubbed toe I also get a lecture on Being Fat.

[oneaddiction]

And no, I barely remember my mother. Honestly, it was years ago. I only mentioned it because I didn't want people shouting that I would kill myself ... Anyway.

[queenc81]

I had an issue with food, opposite to you but I couldn't eat, I went to my gp and he suggested shakes. I don't have to have food but I'm getting nutrition.

Is that something you could do? My friend swears by Holland and Barrett shakes, and with the penny sale it's cheap, that way you can't overeat as you are only having shakes.

She started with 2 weeks on 3 shakes a day and loads and loads of water, then slowly added apples etc. I don't suggest juice plus or anything like that, it's full of sugar and won't stop your craving.

I also know how hard it is going to the doctor, at my lowest I was 3.5 stone, severely underweight. But I just didn't want to admit to anyone face to face how bad it had got. In the end I wrote it all down and just handed my doctor the letter so I didn't have to speak about it. X

[QuiteLikely5]

Well you say you won't be doing this won't be doing that etc

In that case one thing is certain - if nothing changes, nothing changes.

You clearly want to change and change starts once a person changes their perception of things.

You are reluctant to hear a medical perception of your situation.

And not keen to visit a healthy eating program..........

14st isn't that bad compared to some situations. You can take control back but at the moment you are choosing not to.

[NeedABanner]

ilovesooty. They did.

[randomer]

forget all this shite about carbs and diets and groups. Go to your GP.

Get up, get dressed, get out. This is my mantra.

[queenc81]

Sorry oneaddiction I understand you don't want to go to the doctors, I just wanted to let you know what worked for me.

Really hope you find something that works for you, if you don't want to do slimming world etc what about a slimming thread on here? There are lots of ladies who could support you and you could do weekly weigh ins together online, share tips etc so you are not doing it alone X