To ask for help with losing weight? (title edited by MNHQ)

[oneaddiction]

I've deliberately posted here as I probably need harsh responses.

My mother was an alcoholic, drank herself to death when I was very young.

I am not a boozer. I am an eater, and I'm killing myself. I have no idea how to stop. We can have no food at all in this house because I will eat it. I have even taken food out of the bins and eaten it.

I've binge eaten for YEARS (since I was a kid really) but with periods of starvation in between so never got that big, then got pregnant and the only thing that stopped me feeling sick all the time was food. So I ate it.

Now I'm colossal. I still can't stop.

I'm worried I'm going to end up like my mother.

A few things - I won't go to WW or SW, please don't suggest, and I don't think counselling will help. I guess I need to find willpower but HOW. I am looking for stories form people who DID stop smoking or drinking or whatever?

[instantly]

Oh well that's that then.

Start a thread, refuse help, leave thread.

What was the point?

[PresidentOliviaMumsnet]

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources - here. You can also go to the Samaritans' website here, or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Sorry for hijacking your thread OP and we really hope things start to look up for you soon.

[Boundaries]

Well said, Olivia

[memyselfandaye]

Have a look Nutracheck, the app is only £4 a month. You put your height and weight in, it gives you x amount of calories and fat grams, there is also a forum for support.

Although I do think you should see your GP or try WW with real life support, you don't want to and that's your decision and I won't nag you.

Good luck

[Manumission]

I;m not so sure OP meant suicide Olivia; I read it as 'slowly killing myself with food'.

[oneaddiction]

Thank you Olivia.

I do need harsh words but the fact is, threads can become a bit circular quite quickly and since I know I will not go to my GP it is a waste of everybody's time to post telling me to go to my GP. That's all I'm trying to avoid. But clearly posting was a bad idea.

[oneaddiction]

Yes I did Manu.

Apologies if that was misinterpreted by anybody and please feel free to edit the title.

[ijustwannadance]

So you already know you use food in the same way your mother used alcohol to fill an emotional void or suppress bad feelings that are haunting you. You also know your emotional problems are caused by your mother's behaviour and death.
Whether you like it or not you need professional help asap.

[ilovesooty]

The OP obviously doesn't like the answers because sadly she has a disorder she isn't ready to address.

I wish her well but I do really think this needs professional help. I don't think anyone pecked her for daring to post either.

[MatildaTheCat]

Does this help to see where you currently are in the stages of an addiction? It looks as if you are at the contemplation stage. All options seem scary and impossible.

Clearly there are no easy solutions to this. Obesity and overeating are really hard problems to overcome but it can be done and it can be maintained. The thing is, talking to an expert might help you find the way that works for you but you are strenuously refusing that.

Good luck with moving forward. In the meantime can you put some measures in place such as strict meal planning, a no snacks policy and writing down the foods you are eating? Anything to help you move to the Planning stage.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

The attitude of fucking off so quickly is pretty self destructive. Shame. If only you could use that spirit and feistiness for self care.

[flippinada]

OP this is very sad. Obviously you know that it isn't healthy eat out of bins or to have no food in the house because you can't control your eating. However, you're not going to get past that level of dysfunction without some help and support. I agree that SS and WW probably won't be helpful either, not until you're in a better place mentally.

Why not start with having a look at what support is available online, if you haven't already? Non threatening and you don't have to do something there and then. Beat is a good place to start.

[oneaddiction]

ilovesooty, you absolutely didn't, however when you are already in a bad place posts saying things like 'well why did you post' do come over as accusatory and belligerent. I accept that may not be the intention but personally, I hate it. I feel like I have to justify myself and as if I have done something wrong.

[RiverTam]

Olivia has hit the nail on the head - this is a mental health issue. You have an addiction. Diets are never going to work because they won't get to the root cause of your overeating.

I really strongly suggest you repost in the mental health topic (do we have an addiction topic?).

[blueskyinmarch]

The thing is OP that giving up drinking and smoking is very different from trying to lose weight in that you have to eat every day and i assume you also need to prepare food for your family. There is no avoiding it.

Your method of fucking off from a thread when you perceive you are being attacked is probably the same method you use to deal with your eating issues. You are burying your head in the sand. At the end of the day the only way to lose weight is to eat less and move more. You can do it any way you like but only you can do it and you need to find the will power from within. I quite honestly don’t think you will succeed until you have dealt with your issues surrounding your childhood and the death of your mother.

[oneaddiction]

I think I'm permanently stuck in stage 3 :)

[lovelycuppateas]

If you're still reading, you could try Gary Taubes's Why We Get Fat and What To Do About It. It really helped me think about weight gain in a different way, and take the incredibly unhelpful self-blame out of the equation. It may well sound overdramatic, but this book and the Low Carb Bootcamp on here has hugely improved the quality of my life!

[alltouchedout]

I understand your reluctance to seek help but honestly, professional input from an eating disorders team might make the difference long term. You deserve to be free of the misery and the anxiety and the fear. You deserve to feel in control of your life and your diet. You deserve to be happy. Sometimes problems need outside help to be dealt with. It doesn't make you weak or incapable to seek help. And surely it's worth a try?

[Parsley1234]

Diets wont not help you it will just perpetuate the cycle of starve binge etc OVereaters anonymous can be very liberating or CoDA is excellent or ALanon you are using food as a coping strategy and once you start looking at why you eat you may find the key. I was bulimic from 16/24 and an overeater from 24/40 ish I now am ok most of the time normal weight and exercise enough and I don't hate myself every time I look in the mirror good luck !

[Boundaries]

Do you know anything about CBT, OP?

[maggiethemagpie]

Hi, i used to be a compulsive overeater, and still am to a certain extent (it never really goes away) but I have got a bit of control over it now. What I realised was that I was not addicted to food, but carbs. If I don't eat high carb foods, the addiction fades. What I tend to do in reality though, is eat sensibly / low carb in the day and allow myself some 'naughty' food after dinner. I can still lose control a bit here but it's only for an hour or two rather than all day. The next step is to stop doing this bit, but it's better than being out of control all day so it is progress.

Good luck. What worked for me was realising that food/carb addiction is more physical than pscyhological, once I eat sugar it sets up a chain reaction in my brain to eat more. A bit like an alcholic with alcohol I've always thought.

Have you tried reducing carbs to see if it makes a difference? If my eating gets out of control I buy loads of low carb foods (ham, cheese etc) and allow myself as much as I like so long as I stay away from bread, pasta, cereal etc. Usually within about 3 days I'm no longer craving.

[lovelycuppateas]

By the way, "eating less and moving more" as the only way to lose weight simply isn't true. Bodies aren't machines.

[PollyHampton]

You say you are killing yourself with food so why can't you see that as a medical emergency and see a gp? If things are as dire as you say and you are dangerously overweight surely a gp is the best person to help you lose weight safely and healthily

[slightlypeevedwombat]

ok OP - i'm no expert, just a person

Looking at your OP - you are asking for help - but when people suggest stuff you are shooting them down as "that wont work"

Reading your other posts, I think you would benefit from visiting your GP and maybe getting some CBT? To 'retrain your brain' ?

Your OP was a giant scream for some help, but you need to keep asking and keepy moving forward - dont do fad diets, they dont work you - DO go to your dr!

[dowhatnow]

You've taken the first step by posting on here so well done for that. That's an enormous achievement in itself.

Where to go from here? We have no magic wand so you have to rely on yourself. Graat. One day at a time. BUT you've gone down this path before. Why are you likely to succeed this time when you haven't managed it before?

It's incredibly difficult to lose weight unless you are in the right mindset. Even if you manage the mindset, it's then incredibly difficult to keep that mindset. The more help you get, the easier it will be to keep that mindset but you've really got to want do it rather than just paying lip service to it. Once you are determined to do it, all the avenues that you are refusing to consider will help you tremendously so don't rule them out. Maybe it is a case of "if you don't try then you can't fail" because failure heaped on top of everything you already feel about yourself is too difficult to contemplate isn't it? You have to get to the bottom of the psychological reasons why you eat. The thought of opening that can of worms, is again too painful and hard to contemplate which is why you are point blank refusing the obvious ways of helping. But you can't move forwards until you have tackled these issues head on. You will continue to try and fail.

Have a look at The Biggest Loser USA on catch up tv. They are remarkably successful and lose huge amounts of weight but their issues are tackled by diet and exercise alongside their psychological issues. They are transformed when the weight of their past emotional baggage is removed.

Please, please consider therapy to get to the root cause of your eating. Give yourself the greatest chance of succeeding by going to your GP.

Good luck You've done the hardest bit by posting on here.