Washing up AIBU

[Candlelight123]

Please settle a long running argument. Both partners work FT, both out of house roughly same amount of time per day, kids aged 6 & 11, both partners make approx 50% meals per week each. Who should wash up, clean surfaces & table afterwards?
Is it a) person who made the meal as they have 'made the mess' or b) others in the house should pitch in as they all contributed to the mess indirectly by eating & enjoying the meal.
God this is petty, but this row had been ongoing for approx 10 years.

Whoever did not cook, washes and wipes up.

I personally would go with cook washing up if you cook equally often. Some cooks wash as they go, others use every last spoon, pot and cup and leave a mess of epic proportions.

Both, it's quicker.

The cook me does not wash up here.

I think that the cook usually doesn't do the washing up. But obviously it depends what you agree among yourselves!

It depends who makes the most mess / washing up!

If you make the most mess, then work with a 'swap' rota, so that you get to clean and wash up after their smaller mess.

If they make the most mess, then work with a 'you made it' rota, so that they have to clean and wash up their huge mess.

That way you will always get the smaller amount of washing up!

I prefer it to be whoever cooks, cleans up. That works if the cooking is split fairly though of course. For me I'm always cleaning as I'm going along, so the pans etc will be done and sides wiped down before we eat. If I cleaned up after my husband cooked I'd be spending the whole time saying "errrr why is this tin not in the recycling? You've dropped coriander everywhere! Did you need to use three bloody pans??!!".... or words to that effect my kids wipe themselves down and put their plates etc in the sink, but too little to wash up without breaking stuff.

It doesn't really matter either way if the cooking is 50/50, as long as it's roughly consistent.

We have weeks of whoever doesnt cook does the washing and clearing up.

But sometimes we will take it in turns to do both- so that one day I'll cook and clean up, then next day DH will, so we each get a 'day off'. As long as it's split 50/50 it doesn't really matter.

Agree who ever did not cook washes up.
Thats the deal.

Theoretically in our house whomever cooks gets to slob out while the other one cleans up. However i usually get fed up waiting for him to do it so I normally do both

We have a dishwasher

But I'd hate to wash up after DP, I love that man, he makes nice food but WHY does he use every single item in the kitchen in creating the most simplistic of dishes. I swear he could find a way to use every single saucepan when making cheese on toast (ok a little exaggeration)

But the general rule I thought was if you cook, you don't clear up.

I would usually say whoever didn't cook washes up, just for a fair share of labour in the evening.
But I've struggled to get paxillin and milo's point across before without sounding petty/ungrateful towards the person who cooks. I always rinse as I go, and keep washing up to a minimum, whereas if someone else has cooked it often seems like a bomb has hit the kitchen!

It doesn't matter as long as it's fair but I like to clean up after myself as dh seems to use every bloody pan & utensil in the house & does no cleaning as he goes

Thanks so far, variation of opinions. We do have a dishwasher (I did say this was petty!) I guess it's more about who gets to sit down soonest.

In my house, washing up is done as you cook/finish food. So as soon as a pan is finished with during cooking it gets washed and left to dry. Plates are washed as they're finished with and left to dry. I find it much easier to do it as I go instead of being faced with mess after dinner.

Boyfriend and I have no children at home so it's just us. We take turns cooking and usually wash up together. I'd feel mean sitting about while he washed up and he feels the same. We've only been together 2 years so still in the loved up stage though.

In your case and assuming you eat as a family (so they are still up) I suggest the children - they are old enough

I do virtually all the cooking in our house, I clear up as I cook. After we have eaten, the kids clear the table including my plate etc, rinse dishes and put them in the dishwasher, DH does his after he has eaten later on. I wipe the table and surfaces. DH empties the dishwasher every morning.

It depends on what you mean by wash up. My DH will always do the dishes regardless of who cooks because he has a particular system, but we take it in turns to do the actual clean up (ie hob, wipe down cupboards/table etc).

I mean unload the dishwasher, put away, put dirty dishes in. Wipe oven, surfaces & table. We've both been out of house 11 hours and knackered by this time.
I've read the responses out to DP. He still believes person who cooks 'washes up', and I believe it should be shared. I guess because I make 'more involved meals' which use more pans etc, rather than 'basic meals'. DS has been given the job of cleaning table from now on. I guess the row will continue...,

Suggest more one pot meals...stews/soups etc that can be repurposed as leftovers. We rarely have more than a couple of pots to wash per day.

We tend to clean up the next day whilst cooking, but also do it as we go along.

So, for example, whilst cooking tonight, I'll also emoty the dishwasher, and refill it with bits left over from last night, and most of the new washing up I make when coming - that goes straight in the dishwasher.

The last few bits, plates, etc, are put in a bowl for the next night.

It's means there is some left overnight, but for us it's pretty efficient in minimising time spent doing it. Obviously it depends on what you're cooking, but most things don't need constant attention the whole time, so it utilises that time.

Any system which means that chores are roughly equal (presuming equal working) is fine IMO. Its just whichever you both prefer.

The cook washes up in our house, and no dishwasher either.

When one of us is washing up the other (if they're home) is getting DS ready for bed, doing homework, tidying up, other little jobs. It's a pretty fair division of labour. Neither of us sits on our arse and lets the other do all the chores.

The cook usually washes up here. Wash as you go and rope the kids in for some of it too.