Washing up AIBU

[Candlelight123]

Please settle a long running argument. Both partners work FT, both out of house roughly same amount of time per day, kids aged 6 & 11, both partners make approx 50% meals per week each. Who should wash up, clean surfaces & table afterwards?
Is it a) person who made the meal as they have 'made the mess' or b) others in the house should pitch in as they all contributed to the mess indirectly by eating & enjoying the meal.
God this is petty, but this row had been ongoing for approx 10 years.

[Eevee77]

People cook differently, and make different messes. I'd hate to hang around waiting for DP to make dinner knowing I'm going to have to get up and clean up the mess he's created. We prefer to do all or nothing, meaning we both get nights off from being in the kitchen.

[MillionToOneChances]

If cooking is 50/50 then the cook washes up so that they can be as messy as they like without someone else having to sort out the mess.

[anyname123]

Can the 11 year old wash up, or at least help to wash up, a few times a week? Seems reasonable to me, as they are eating too

[tibbawyrots]

I cook, OH washes up. I clear down the counter tops and put odds and ends away -we use the sink in the utility room for washing up so we can do both at the same time.

[Candlelight123]

Grrrrr not my turn to cook today, therefore not my turn to clear up by DP's rules, and there's lots of loud sighing & wingeing from the kitchen and slamming about, regarding general mess.
Kids are taking turns to clean the table from now on.
One pot slow cooker already prepared for my turn tomorrow, so made it easier for myself. It shouldn't be this hard !

[DoJo]

Could you not both clear up so that you both get to sit down at the same time? That way you are not 'punished' for putting more effort into your meals, he doesn't feel as though he gets the short end of the stick, and there's nobody feeling hard done-by in the kitchen while the other one relaxes/enjoys the bad atmosphere.

[BuggerLumpsAnnoyed]

We both clear up, usually DH washes and I clean surfaces, tidy and put away, means we all get to sit down sooner

[LaPampa]

We both clear up when we cook - my husband as he goes along (and he cooks wonderful involved food mostly) and me after I have finished. I am pretty much in agreement with him that clearing up is part of the cooking process and it is hardly difficult loading some plates, cutlery and serving dishes/glasses into the dishwasher and wiping the table.

If your kids are 6 and 11 surely they can help clear table and load dishwasher though?

Usually whoever didn't cook then takes the lead with bath and bed routine (my kids are younger though) so we both end up sitting down at the same time.

[Flumpnugget]

I hate this argument. DP makes a ridiculous mess, across all surfaces, the floor, splashes cupboards, fills the sink up, leaves food out etc - but always makes amazing food.

I can't help but be a tidy cook- it's part of the whole process for me, so there's rarely any kitchen mess to clear up, just dishes to load in the dishwasher.

I feel mahoosively pee'd off when I get the "I cooked, you're clearing up, yeh?" look at the end of the meal. I insist he helps me, even though he spends the whole time moaning. This is about a 12 year old argument. Sorry, OP, no help.

[Knottyknitter]

Whoever isn't doing toddler bathtime. And puts a cuppa on. Usually me, as dp is better with bath than dishes.

[Akire]

Defo cook and wash own unless you both very good and use bare mimium of pans and dishes. Some people manage cook one pan end others use every dish in kitchen. Plus nicer have whole night off than relax relax eat dinner- darn have move and clean up.

[ManaFleet]

We share cooking and childcare. I wash and wipe as I go. DH uses every pot in the house and uses every utensil. Everyone stick to clearing their own mess, I say.

[thissismyusername]

the cook washing up reaches them to wash as they go. we take turns daily, doesn't matter who cooked, that is not equally shared here. some of the time it will fall that you do both. that works for us.

[OwlinaTree]

Dh cooks most nights. I always wash up and load the dishwasher. I have managed to get him to clean most of the mess away and pile the dishes by the sink. It used to just all be left around the kitchen. I know what people are saying, I tend to wash up as I go but he doesn't. I remember one particularly memorable Indian meal he made... the state of the kitchen!!!

[LilaTheLion]

I am a very tidy cook. I just do it as I go and at the end of the meal all there should be to tidy is our plates and cutlery into the dishwasher. DP is the opposite (and probably cooks most). This means the original and fair sounding 'I cook, you wash up' rule was making me cross.

Ends up we both pitch in with whatever is needed so we can both collapse on the sofa for half an hour before bed together.

Or sometimes we just leave it because one of us is off the next day [slobs emoji]

[AmpersandRea]

I do most of the cooking and the washing up, although DD (14) does the dishwasher; unloads in the morning and stacks after dinner, and DSs (18) mostly clear the table and draining board.

In an ideal world I would sit down with a cuppa after cooking and eating dinner while the rest of the family washed up.

[BackforGood]

I used to think that the one who didn't cook, washed up / cleared away, but I know I'm MUCH better off clearing up when I've cooked, as I do it all as I go along, whereas dh focuses only on cooking.
I'll empty the dishwasher while I'm cooking / waiting for the kettle to boil / in between stirring the pot / as part of laying the table. dh doesn't multi task so well. As I serve up, I rinse and put saucepan straight into dishwasher - he leaves to dry up on the surface or back on the hob, etc., etc.
However, that would be if just between the 2 of us. There are 4 of you, and the dc should be chipping in too.