Washing up AIBU

[Candlelight123]

Please settle a long running argument. Both partners work FT, both out of house roughly same amount of time per day, kids aged 6 & 11, both partners make approx 50% meals per week each. Who should wash up, clean surfaces & table afterwards?
Is it a) person who made the meal as they have 'made the mess' or b) others in the house should pitch in as they all contributed to the mess indirectly by eating & enjoying the meal.
God this is petty, but this row had been ongoing for approx 10 years.

[BackforGood]

I used to think that the one who didn't cook, washed up / cleared away, but I know I'm MUCH better off clearing up when I've cooked, as I do it all as I go along, whereas dh focuses only on cooking.
I'll empty the dishwasher while I'm cooking / waiting for the kettle to boil / in between stirring the pot / as part of laying the table. dh doesn't multi task so well. As I serve up, I rinse and put saucepan straight into dishwasher - he leaves to dry up on the surface or back on the hob, etc., etc.
However, that would be if just between the 2 of us. There are 4 of you, and the dc should be chipping in too.

[AmpersandRea]

I do most of the cooking and the washing up, although DD (14) does the dishwasher; unloads in the morning and stacks after dinner, and DSs (18) mostly clear the table and draining board.

In an ideal world I would sit down with a cuppa after cooking and eating dinner while the rest of the family washed up.

[LilaTheLion]

I am a very tidy cook. I just do it as I go and at the end of the meal all there should be to tidy is our plates and cutlery into the dishwasher. DP is the opposite (and probably cooks most). This means the original and fair sounding 'I cook, you wash up' rule was making me cross.

Ends up we both pitch in with whatever is needed so we can both collapse on the sofa for half an hour before bed together.

Or sometimes we just leave it because one of us is off the next day [slobs emoji]

[OwlinaTree]

Dh cooks most nights. I always wash up and load the dishwasher. I have managed to get him to clean most of the mess away and pile the dishes by the sink. It used to just all be left around the kitchen. I know what people are saying, I tend to wash up as I go but he doesn't. I remember one particularly memorable Indian meal he made... the state of the kitchen!!!

[thissismyusername]

the cook washing up reaches them to wash as they go. we take turns daily, doesn't matter who cooked, that is not equally shared here. some of the time it will fall that you do both. that works for us.

[ManaFleet]

We share cooking and childcare. I wash and wipe as I go. DH uses every pot in the house and uses every utensil. Everyone stick to clearing their own mess, I say.

[Akire]

Defo cook and wash own unless you both very good and use bare mimium of pans and dishes. Some people manage cook one pan end others use every dish in kitchen. Plus nicer have whole night off than relax relax eat dinner- darn have move and clean up.

[Knottyknitter]

Whoever isn't doing toddler bathtime. And puts a cuppa on. Usually me, as dp is better with bath than dishes.

[Flumpnugget]

I hate this argument. DP makes a ridiculous mess, across all surfaces, the floor, splashes cupboards, fills the sink up, leaves food out etc - but always makes amazing food.

I can't help but be a tidy cook- it's part of the whole process for me, so there's rarely any kitchen mess to clear up, just dishes to load in the dishwasher.

I feel mahoosively pee'd off when I get the "I cooked, you're clearing up, yeh?" look at the end of the meal. I insist he helps me, even though he spends the whole time moaning. This is about a 12 year old argument. Sorry, OP, no help.

[LaPampa]

We both clear up when we cook - my husband as he goes along (and he cooks wonderful involved food mostly) and me after I have finished. I am pretty much in agreement with him that clearing up is part of the cooking process and it is hardly difficult loading some plates, cutlery and serving dishes/glasses into the dishwasher and wiping the table.

If your kids are 6 and 11 surely they can help clear table and load dishwasher though?

Usually whoever didn't cook then takes the lead with bath and bed routine (my kids are younger though) so we both end up sitting down at the same time.

[BuggerLumpsAnnoyed]

We both clear up, usually DH washes and I clean surfaces, tidy and put away, means we all get to sit down sooner

[DoJo]

Could you not both clear up so that you both get to sit down at the same time? That way you are not 'punished' for putting more effort into your meals, he doesn't feel as though he gets the short end of the stick, and there's nobody feeling hard done-by in the kitchen while the other one relaxes/enjoys the bad atmosphere.

[Candlelight123]

Grrrrr not my turn to cook today, therefore not my turn to clear up by DP's rules, and there's lots of loud sighing & wingeing from the kitchen and slamming about, regarding general mess.
Kids are taking turns to clean the table from now on.
One pot slow cooker already prepared for my turn tomorrow, so made it easier for myself. It shouldn't be this hard !

[tibbawyrots]

I cook, OH washes up. I clear down the counter tops and put odds and ends away -we use the sink in the utility room for washing up so we can do both at the same time.

[anyname123]

Can the 11 year old wash up, or at least help to wash up, a few times a week? Seems reasonable to me, as they are eating too

[MillionToOneChances]

If cooking is 50/50 then the cook washes up so that they can be as messy as they like without someone else having to sort out the mess.

[Eevee77]

People cook differently, and make different messes. I'd hate to hang around waiting for DP to make dinner knowing I'm going to have to get up and clean up the mess he's created. We prefer to do all or nothing, meaning we both get nights off from being in the kitchen.

[Eevee77]

The cook usually washes up here. Wash as you go and rope the kids in for some of it too.

[AnnPerkins]

The cook washes up in our house, and no dishwasher either.

When one of us is washing up the other (if they're home) is getting DS ready for bed, doing homework, tidying up, other little jobs. It's a pretty fair division of labour. Neither of us sits on our arse and lets the other do all the chores.

[Blueskyrain]

We tend to clean up the next day whilst cooking, but also do it as we go along.

So, for example, whilst cooking tonight, I'll also emoty the dishwasher, and refill it with bits left over from last night, and most of the new washing up I make when coming - that goes straight in the dishwasher.

The last few bits, plates, etc, are put in a bowl for the next night.

It's means there is some left overnight, but for us it's pretty efficient in minimising time spent doing it. Obviously it depends on what you're cooking, but most things don't need constant attention the whole time, so it utilises that time.

Any system which means that chores are roughly equal (presuming equal working) is fine IMO. Its just whichever you both prefer.

[FleurThomas]

Suggest more one pot meals...stews/soups etc that can be repurposed as leftovers. We rarely have more than a couple of pots to wash per day.

[Candlelight123]

I mean unload the dishwasher, put away, put dirty dishes in. Wipe oven, surfaces & table. We've both been out of house 11 hours and knackered by this time.
I've read the responses out to DP. He still believes person who cooks 'washes up', and I believe it should be shared. I guess because I make 'more involved meals' which use more pans etc, rather than 'basic meals'. DS has been given the job of cleaning table from now on. I guess the row will continue...,

[FleurThomas]

It depends on what you mean by wash up. My DH will always do the dishes regardless of who cooks because he has a particular system, but we take it in turns to do the actual clean up (ie hob, wipe down cupboards/table etc).

[Notso]

I do virtually all the cooking in our house, I clear up as I cook. After we have eaten, the kids clear the table including my plate etc, rinse dishes and put them in the dishwasher, DH does his after he has eaten later on. I wipe the table and surfaces. DH empties the dishwasher every morning.