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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

would you think i am mean

140 replies

mummaclaire · 10/10/2016 16:07

its my dd 10th birthday next month, doing a big party for her (family rule is proper party on 5th 10th 13th and 16th)
but am thinking of not doing party bags tbh its another expense and lets be frank they generally contain sweets and crap, but will it come across as I'm being a mean mother?

OP posts:

grannytomine · 10/10/2016 21:56

Picked GS up from a 10 year olds birthday party at the weekend. No party bags and no one seemed to expect them, cake to take home with them seemed to make them happy.

Borntoflyinfirst · 10/10/2016 21:57

I hate party bags! Hate receiving them and hate giving them out. Luckily most of dc's friends (or their parents) agree these days and most of the time it's sweetie cones and cake. My dear just turned 10 and had small party with cones and cake - no-one seemed disappointed. Previously given small gift it book/match attack cards/nail varnishes for dds which also worked well. Can't stand all that cheap tat!

roasted · 10/10/2016 22:02

I love party bags. I'm a big, mean, cynical grown up but I bloody love them. It doesn't matter how cheap and nasty the contents are, there's something about them that speaks to my inner child. I wish grown up parties had them as a matter of course too.

If you make party bags, the recipients will appreciate them.

blinkineckmum · 10/10/2016 22:51

I'd be relieved.

BoboBunnyH0p · 11/10/2016 06:33

My DD was 10 last month and we did party bags. Thanks to home bargains they got a pack of novelty erasers which cost 29p each (kids loved them as a few collect them) a slice of cake a lolly and some Sweets.
When I did her last big party I did my own candy buffet which the kids helped themselves to near the end of the party. I got 6-8 large tubs of sweets from makro.

walruswhiskers · 11/10/2016 06:35

Sweet cone and a lip balm max at 10 yo.

ProfYaffle · 11/10/2016 06:40

Dd2 and her friends are all turning 10 this school year. The parties she's bee to so far have given something at the end but not necessarily a party bag. So help yourself to a pack of Haribo on the way out, or a pack of glo sticks or something.

I remember at dd1's 10th the kids weren't that bothered about party bags.

Sierra259 · 11/10/2016 06:46

I did a book each plus a couple of (mini) bags of chocolate buttons and slice of cake for DC1's last birthday (3). Two of the kids attending were a bit older (5-6) so I bought them separate Marvel activity books, wrapped up. One if them looked at it still wrapped and said "is that all". His poor mum was absolutely mortified and told him he didn't have to have anything at all if he behaved like that, but I was still a bit . Apparently he loved it when he opened it but I'm dreading having to do them as kids get older!

Optimist3 · 11/10/2016 07:02

Most people i know have stopped doing party bags and come to their senses once the kids hit 9. Scale it back if you can't give it up. As they walk out pass them a sweet from a multi pack.

SoupDragon · 11/10/2016 07:09

I prefer to think of them as "now fuck off home" bags.

maddiemookins16mum · 11/10/2016 07:22

I think ten was the last age we did party bags for DD. 11 no party as we were away, 12 they all went bowling and to the Noodle Bar for lunch (well 7 of them, I never did the whole class invited parties 😳).

LittleMoonbuggy · 11/10/2016 07:46

DD 5 went to a soft play party at the weekend. It was held in the evening 6.30-8.00 as the girl's mum had said it was very good value to hold it at that time.

There was squash provided to drink, but no food at all, not even cake when leaving. No party bags either, or any kind of token thank you gift, which did create a bit of confusion at leaving time as a few people were milling around and I heard the words 'party bag' uttered by more than one child.

In that situation, it did come across as a bit mean unfortunately, given that most parents had given up a Saturday evening to take their child (20+mins drive for most) to what was just a soft play session, with no food, organised games, singing happy birthday, party bags etc.

Floggingmolly · 11/10/2016 08:49

There's a very good reason why out of normal time soft play is good value.
The neck of her crowing about her bargain whilst failing to provide the most basic of party "expectations" (for want of a better word)
Embarrassingly mean.

bimbobaggins · 11/10/2016 12:15

Yes I agree with flogging that does sound incredibly mean not even providing kids at a party some party food or cake and I would have been incredibly unimpressed.

TheNaze73 · 11/10/2016 12:53

I think party bags for a 10 year old is a bit odd

Gottagetmoving · 11/10/2016 12:55

I think it is ok not to do party bags so long as you don't care that people will moan about you and call you mean. Even if you do a great party and everyone has fun, people will still bitch about you.
People are like that.

DarlingCoffee · 11/10/2016 14:58

Do the party bags!

LifeIsGoodish · 11/10/2016 15:39

I never do party bags. But I always feed the guests and give them a 'going home present' - a book (Book People bulk-buy) and a piece of cake.

I hate it when the dc come home with a bag of tat and sweets. I'm perfectly happy when they come home with one goody to eat and one reasonable little toy/book/gadget/item of stationery. Or even nothing. They've had fun at the party, and had lots of nice treats to eat - that's great!

Enb76 · 11/10/2016 18:00

I don't do party bags - I do feel my hackles rise when children ask for them as they're leaving, like the only reason they came to the party was to get a bag of plastic tat that their parents will be desperate to throw in the bin.

viques · 11/10/2016 18:05

Do you have a branch of Tiger near you? I sometimes wander round Tiger and long for an excuse like party bags to fill with their glorious stuff.

LynetteScavo · 11/10/2016 18:08

At 10yo my kids didn't want to give out party bags, so I just gave out a piece of cake, sweets (in a bowl cellophane wrapped) and a photo of them at the party (kept DH busy!) Ido big cakes so often give several pieces to each child for siblings etc.

But I usually do party each year. If I'd given party bags out at DSs 13th he'd have been mortified.

3awesomestars · 11/10/2016 18:11

I haven't done party bags for my three children's parties for years, I wrap a piece of cake and let them choose some sweets from a big tin and give them one of those large balloons that you fill with rice then annoyingly bounce around, kids love them.
I have never had a complaint and wouldn't care if I did.

I have been to many parties with variations from basic to very extravagant and I have never been witness to a conversation comparing, ever.

When my children have received party bags they have taken out the sweets and discarded the tat, they don't even eat the cake most of the time.

Do what you can afford and don't fall prey to mum pressure, the kids won't care and the parents who do are ridiculous.

WeAllHaveWings · 11/10/2016 18:20

ds(12) hasn't seen many or given any party bags for the last 3 years.

At 10 it's definitely optional and I wouldn't anymore. A bit of cake in a napkin/bag is ok. If they eat the cake at the party then nothing is fine too.

Shona52 · 11/10/2016 18:26

I had just a family round for my dons 5th (party is at the weekend) but his cousin was still expecting a party bag (lucky I had planned for this as he would have been very upset) you don't have to have much in it but just a little bag of sweets some bday cake and a little something (I agree for girls some nail polish etc can get some great mini things) I know it's an extra expense but the kids will be looking for one.

mummylove2monsters · 11/10/2016 18:38

yanbu - 10 is too old - my dd just had her 9th birthday- we all went out on a boat around a bay ( she had 4 friends ) we sent to an American diner for lunch - gave them a flashy safety thing each to put round their neck on the boat - £1,00 each - they loved it x

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