DD isn't looking at unis :( I know I'm BU

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DD is 17 and currently doing her a levels. She isn't 100% what she wants to do, potentially social work or police or something like that.

She was doing 4 a levels, she failed one last year, so didn't continue it, is potentially going to fail one this year, so would leave with 2 a levels. Which she isn't happy with. She is definitely very bright and wants to do them but was ill in hospital constantly, has finally had the surgery, but obviously missed quite a bit of school because of it.

All my friends kids are looking around unis she wants to spend the next year going back to the first a level that she failed and potentially do that for the next 2 years and pick up some volunteering, etc... then go to uni for social work or maybe try and join the specials (she isn't sure yet) DH is in police so aware of how hard it is to get in. We will support her, as she does dog walking (not much work but enough to have money) but it just feels like such a shame all I hear is about how great these unis are and it's a bit awkward to say that DD is planning on doing a levels still. I'm a bit frustrated with her in a way as I know she was ill but I'm not getting why she wants to spend the next 2 years doing 1 a level, she tells me that it's her absolute passion (it's physics) but yet she doesn't even want to use that for a career so seems like a huge waste of time and I feel like she should get into a career and then study more if she wants.

The first thing I suggest is get her to a uni open day on the basis that if she is rejecting it she needs to know exactly what she is rejecting. You could also look at her doing a trial subject day.
If she stays to do an extra year of A levels then try and get her on to a trial week at uni, that really helped my DD make up her mind.

At uni*

So what if she does not fancy university is it such a huge deal she is 17 not been well had an operation gaps in education give the girl a break let her do her Alevels work for a bit going to uni at 20 or not isnt a failure

if she's talented at maths and passionate about physics she will be set up for life!
the social work/police idea might be just because that's what she knows. Can you get her some career advice / work experience ?

One of my DC got into uni with only 2 full A Levels. Some courses accept AS towards points but she needs to want to go.

It sounds like she's had a pretty rough time over the past few years. I'm not surprised she wants a bit of 'time out".
Personally I think 18 is far too young to know what you want to do for the rest of your life! Much better to work that out, work out the best path to get there and then choose a degree accordingly. Or not.
I went to uni when I was 19 to do a course I wasn't too sure about, but I knew it was 'expected' of me. I was thoroughly miserable, ended up dropping out after repeating a year, went through the application process all over again before getting onto a course I did like.

I think you just need to support your DD in what she wants to do. Her plans actually sound good to me. DD3 didn't go to university until she was 21 and she wasn't the oldest on her course. She was at college doing The BTEC extended Diploma in IT ( equivalent to A levels) when she was 20 and she wasn't the oldest student there either.

University isn't everything. I was forced to go in 2008 by my parents and I wish I had stood up to them. The only good thing I got out of it was my husband but my degree wasn't worth anything as so many people go. I went in not knowing what to do do and still don't. She can go to uni at any time. This is best for her but I can see hey you would feel a bit disappointed

I may be missing something here but... she's right isn't she?? You say she's probably going to get two A-levels. Well, that IS going to be a problem because 3 is such a standard number, and she is obviously capable of it if she is bright. Her plan to hang back and make sure of a 3rd is perfectly sensible to ensure she fulfils her potential, add in her volunteering idea relevant to her chosen career and you have the makings of a really constructive and important phase of education. Bonus, she gets to achieve in a subject she obviously loves. Maybe her plan could be tweaked a bit - could she do the third A-level in one year? Am ignorant on how this works. Or if it will take two years, could she take 2?

I don't understand what you think the alternative is. That she somehow gets into one of these "great unis" you're hearing about anyway, even with fewer qualifications and less schooling than her friends? Obviously she will not be fulfilling her potential if she scrambles down that route now. It doesn't sound from what you've said that she is rejecting uni at all. She just very sensibly thinks it's a good idea to have more than 2 A levels, since she is capable of it. This is about more than the number of A-levels too, it's about the amount of learning experience she has missed through being ill - university is a big enough jump up without that kind of disadvantage. And while she's sorting that out, she's also right to think it's a great idea to get some work experience in her chosen field.

I personally think it's weird to insist that all education be relevant to a career path, that seems to me to miss the whole point of learning. But anyway. Your daughter sounds constructive and clued up and like she has a plan, which she just needs a bit of help to refine. Do some reading about alternative education paths, gap years etc together, and come up with more ideas of stuff she could do to enhance the time she spends catching up on A-levels.

Gosh, there's so much more to life than whether or not to go to university and having a great career doesn't depend on getting a degree by the age of 21. (And I'm an H.E careers adviser!).

What is it that bothers you so much about your daughter's plan? Does it really matter what other peoples' kids are doing and that its "awkward" to say that your daughter wants to continue with a levels? I see plenty of university students who seem to have no idea what they want to do and no passions and no earthly clue about how to choose a careers, so that fact that your daughter has a subject that she loves and has a couple of career ideas already is fantastic.

As a general rule, I think people should move towards things they enjoy because generally liking things motivates us much more than plodding along with everyone else because that's what you're supposed to do. (Studying Physics, by the way, will give her skills she can use in a variety of fields).

What I'd add to that though is if she likes the idea of the police or social work, she needs to move towards that too, by investigating these fields, talking to people and getting some sort of related experience. So if your DH is in the police that's a great way of finding out what it's like a) to work in the force (he should put her in touch with people who aren't him, at different levels who can give her a different perspective) and b) what she needs to do to get the sort of experience that will improve her application - and then doing it. Ditto social work, and anything else she's interested in.
That thing about this approach is that she'll be finding out about herself, testing the waters so that she can make a proper career decision and making herself very employable, all at the same time.

She should also get a part time job to make some cash so she'll get some proper workplace experience. Looks great on a CV.

It could be a really exciting couple of years for her and in my opinion your role in this should be to get excited with her and encourage her to pursue her interests whole-heartedly in the belief that whatever happens she's getting valuable experience and finding out more about herself and the world.

She sounds very sensible and like she has a plan.

If she ends up with 3 A levels that will help her get places at potentially better unis and with potentially better career options.

The extra year it will take will mean nothing in real life where many take gap years, retakes etc. It sounds like she has her head screwed on.

As an aside was the fact that she missed a lot of school not put in as special circumstances when taking the exams. It is usually taken into account.

OP: I think you need to change your mind set.

To be nice I can get how it may seem difficult when all your friends etc are talking about their child's Uni plans etc and you maybe want to show that your child isn't lagging behind.

You need to see it in a different way; your daughter has had a hard time, (I'm assuming, as no one spends time in hospital for the sniffles. . . .)

She is actually acting a lot more mature than many of her peers
Rather than following the crowd 'cause that's what everyone does, she's had a think and made some sensible decisions.

I didn't go to Uni till I was late 20's and had figured out what I wanted to do. I'm sure that if I had gone at 17/18 I would have had a great time but with a high possibility of dropping out after the first year. The course I was earmarked for was one I was good at and would have never used in my current life.

When I did go to Uni, I did enjoy it though maybe not in the hedonistic way I would have at 18. . . .

Don't feel awkward about the situation. Be proud.

She is only 17, far better she takes time to figure out what she wants to do than embark on a uni course she isn't sure about and drops out after 6 months.

I have a wonderful 18 year old son who is working in a supermarket for a year while he makes up his mind about which uni course he wants to do.

I couldn't be prouder.

It sounds as if she has a good plan - she isn't "dropping out", she is still planning to go onto further education but is getting experience and making sure she has a firm foundation before doing so, before starting a career based on community service. YABVU to be embarrassed by her in front of your friends!

I am totally on your daughter's side with this. I scraped through my A-levels due to a number of personal issues at the time. As far as I was concerned uni was not going to happen. I was then invited to join a new course being set up which sounded similar to the degree I had wanted to do. I felt pressured to go to uni and took this course. I soon found out that the course was not for me, had very little in common with the course I had wanted to do and as a result I bombed out of uni. I am fortunate that I have done very well in life and don't regret not finishing uni.

Your daughter want's to give herself the best opportunity academically, and she knows re taking the a-level will help her achieve this. Totally agree with her and the spare time she has can be used for a part time job and volunteering which will help her build up some savings and also put her in a really good position when she does finish university as she will have real workplace/volunteering experience which her peers are unlikely to have.