DD isn't looking at unis :( I know I'm BU

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DD is 17 and currently doing her a levels. She isn't 100% what she wants to do, potentially social work or police or something like that.

She was doing 4 a levels, she failed one last year, so didn't continue it, is potentially going to fail one this year, so would leave with 2 a levels. Which she isn't happy with. She is definitely very bright and wants to do them but was ill in hospital constantly, has finally had the surgery, but obviously missed quite a bit of school because of it.

All my friends kids are looking around unis she wants to spend the next year going back to the first a level that she failed and potentially do that for the next 2 years and pick up some volunteering, etc... then go to uni for social work or maybe try and join the specials (she isn't sure yet) DH is in police so aware of how hard it is to get in. We will support her, as she does dog walking (not much work but enough to have money) but it just feels like such a shame all I hear is about how great these unis are and it's a bit awkward to say that DD is planning on doing a levels still. I'm a bit frustrated with her in a way as I know she was ill but I'm not getting why she wants to spend the next 2 years doing 1 a level, she tells me that it's her absolute passion (it's physics) but yet she doesn't even want to use that for a career so seems like a huge waste of time and I feel like she should get into a career and then study more if she wants.

I think going to uni is the easy option actually. She could just thoughtlessly go and be half committed to something but she's going to have to really work to create something much more taylored in her gap years.

I'm in a similar situation with my DS. He's not applying for uni as he doesn't know what he wants to do and wants to take some time out to figure it out. I'm fully supportive especially as he plans to work part time and maybe do some more study. I think your dd is sensible and you need to trust her and stop comparing her to others.

I don't really understand what you're worried about. I put off going to uni as when I applied, I realised I didn't love what I was going to study. I never went and now I'm 23. I did an apprenticeship and worked my way up in my sector from the age of 19. Now I earn £25k, no debt and I manage a department which is more than what my university attending peers are doing.

How will she study for the A level? You wouldn't be able to get funding for it in our area.

I don't think it matters if she takes an extra year or two as long as she is doing something positive. These days people will end up working until they are 70 or later, an extra year doing A levels won't matter.

I get the feeling that you're more worried about what your friends think and competing/saving face with them, than what your DD actually wants?

She's not been well, give her a break!

Aim to be accepting and supporting. She sounds very sensible.

You sound extremely pushy.

Allow your daughter to do as she wants. She's been ill and in hospital, you've said yourself.

Give her some breathing room. And SUPPORT HER DECISION

I chose a subject because I didn't really know what was out there.
If she loves physics there are engineering apprenticeships (woman's hour did a bit on them).
She might make a better career choice if she has more time.

I wish I had been that sensible at her age. I'd been brought up unable to make a decision by overbearing parents. Listen to your dd, if she fails two 'A''s maybe she'll resit them both. No need to panic. Or maybe it would be best to drop another one, get good grades in the two and pick up physics again next year? If I were she, and struggling with the pressure, that's precisely what I'd do. It's no point going around with a mindset that you're swamped, out of control and won't do well. That's a breeding ground for failure in all 3 subjects. And I know exactly how she feels as I felt the same, not many friends, struggling in my 'A's. I got low grades on 2 and an N on one. I'm a smart cookie btw. I'd had appalling education to 'O' level because my parents couldn't be bothered to get me a decent education and then changed schools, didn't know anyone as I went out of area for a subject (the one I failed) and was massively depressed as my father had just died and I was living with an emotionally abusive mother. Listen to your dd. Protect, love and support her. That's the best thing you can do for her.

DD1 got 5A* at A level and started at university, but quickly realised she had made a terrible mistake with both Uni and course. She gathered herself and took her time to decide what she actually, really, wanted to do. She is now at Oxford, doing a degree that she loves, after getting some work experience and doing a bit of travelling. She's a year or even two older than some of her friends there, but this is no barrier.

DS1 fucked up his A levels. Big time. But wanted to go to uni. He had to retake one of his A levels and only an A would do, if he wanted to secure an offer at the uni he loved. He missed his A by a small amount and was devastated. However, he has now started an access course at the same uni, and will then start his degree there next year. He's just turned twenty.

I really wouldn't beat yourself up about this. Your DD has to make her own choices now, with the knowledge that she has. And if that means a later start, then so be it. Better to be equipped with the right things than to just apply for the sake of it.

DD, Your DD will in all likelyhood graduate the same age as many of her peers. Many take Gap years and 4-year degrees, some in Engineering and languages also take years in industry/abroad.

Step back.
Dd1 went to uni at 18. She was the baby on her course.
She is far better to find her own way than to follow yours.
At least she is not going to throw herself into clearing and end up doing something she didn't want.
Even if she spends a year or two working now it will do her no harm
Dd1 is doing the whole not sure what to do now she has graduated. She is working in boots paying off her overdraft and taking stock. They will work until they are 75 so give them room to breathe!

I don't think it's a bad idea if she isn't clear what she wants to do and is struggling, some time out probably isn't a bad idea.

It really doesn't need to mean she doesn't go to Uni. The appeal of a minimum wage job can wear off quickly.

I had a false start with my career, leaving my Uni course in my second year at 19 which left my parents devastated! I knew it wasn't right for me though and after working for a couple of years I did my nurse training which I loved and many years later I'm still working as a Nurse.

If your dd wants to do social work, being a bit older and with some life experience won't do any harm at all.

Agree with others that she needs time to figure out her path. Sometimes it helps to get out of the school environment and see what the real world is like.

Why is she she breaking her neck to do 2 years of Psychology in 1? If she wants to study Physics, can't she redo the AS this year- and maybe a Psych AS- and do a Physics and Psych A2 next year? Then she'll only have 1 extra year instead of 2.

OP your DD doesn't have to go straight into uni. I'm 25 with two baby DDs and I've just started a nursing degree after years of working as a care assistant.
Please don't push her into doing something she doesn't want to.

I think your DD's plan sounds very sensible, clearly you're more worried about what your friends think rather than supporting her in this.
There's nothing to stop her going to university in a few years and she'll probably be more rounded and mature and do very well.

It's her life, the choices she makes are up to her.

Degrees may be useful to some but many just go to uni and then don't work or pay back the loan etc.

You sound pushy and over involved, stop worrying what others think. Don't make your daughter feel her choices in education are not good enough for you and your friends.

As PP said, uni is not the be all and end all. I have a degree and know people who have been far more successful without one i.e. Accountants, management etc
Let her figure out in her own time what she wants to do, I'm sure it'll make her path clearer for the future. There's plenty of time.

As she's been ill, your DD's plan sounds good. She's looking for work and is planning to study.

I didn't apply to uni at 18 as I didn't do great in my a-levels and decided I wanted to study something else. I worked 30hrs/week and studied two a-levels in the evening. I applied to uni the next year and loved it. My year working really helped me secure a job during term and also after I graduated. With hindsight, I would probably be in a better position now in terms of flexible working opportunities if I'd not gone and worked up in my job. Luckily I'm old enough that my uni debt is small.

My brother did an apprenticeship and earns £40k+ working for a huge IT company. He's always said he'll do OU if he feels it's a barrier to his progression. He's 35 now and no need yet.

Try not to worry. In 5 or 10 years, you'll want a happy, healthy DD who's independent and living her life. There's so many routes to training now, that not having a degree at 21 isn't a barrier.

Why is she "potentially going to fail" an A level this year? We're only a month in. If she believes that, then it may well be a self fulfilling prophesy.

I assume she must have discussed her options with the school before starting the second year. Was repeating physics discussed, or was it just assumed that she would drop it, as that would still leave 3?

Maybe she would be better off to repeat physics, but drop the psychology that it seems she doesn't like much, and she would only be a year behind. She might be able to find some work next year, to get more savings behind her. And she might then be ready for university.

As I say, we are only a month in. Speak to the school, as it is altogether feasible that she could work something out, so she finishes a year late, rather than two.

My eldest DD is in the same year. She has only been half heartedly looking at universities, because up till now, she couldn't imagine herself going. It's only now her boyfriend (a year older) has started, that I think she can see it is something she feels she will be ready to do. It is hard, but I have tried to back off, and wait for her to be ready, rather than push her in any way.

I'm in my 30s, just started Uni this September! I have NO A-Levels, I did an Access Course instead (A year long). A friend of mine has just started too, she is mid 20s, she did the first year OU in Physics and has just started her 2nd year (but her first year in at an actual Uni), she plans to teach physics when she leaves.

On my access course they were all mature students age ranging from 21yrs to 50yrs (most were 30s or 40s), it was a health science access so majority have gone onto nursing or midwifery degrees.

You are never to old to get an education and you are never too young to get work experience. It is better that your daughter waits until she is absolutely sure what she wants to do rather than starting right away or she may end up dropping out completely and never returning to it.

I think her plan is great. She'll look at Unis, just not now.

Yes, it's hard when you see that other children her age are at a different point in their lives. But your daughter sounds very mature and I don't doubt she'll be a successful woman.

She's got two paths here. One is doing 'English and Psychology' and not really being sure and then 'maybe' doing social work or 'maybe' not and basically, you end up unemployed or under-employed. It's a disaster.

Or she bucks up, realises she's good at Maths and Physics, and takes those routes and gets into STEM. There is work there. They are desired skills. She could work here, she could work abroad, she could travel and be in demand as a highly skilled, highly educated worker.

The first way is crap, and I know because I did it, and I never got a career off the ground and ended up a SAHM with no prospects. I'm hoping to get back into work by retraining in STEM. I wish someone would have told me as a kid I was good at maths and science, and how very very valuable doing those A-Levels and related degree may have been.

She needs to speak to the college, though, it won't take her 2 years to do one A-Level and it could even be done alongside a degree.

University isn't the be all and end all. Unless she specifically needs it for her future career id say there's more benefit to her not starting adult life with a big pile of unnecessary debt.

She's good at Maths & enjoys physics. I would give her as much support as possible to pursue these subjects, including redoing the full physics A level.

Careers in STEM tend to be well paid. She could study something in this field at Uni, really enjoy it and go on to a well paid job. If at the end of it she is still considering social work or the police, she could apply with more life experience.

On another note she contributes to the household ?? She is 17 and in full time education. You are still receiving child benefit for her.