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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why I'm not putting the effort in?

28 replies

Bellyrub1980 · 09/10/2016 07:45

I'm about 4 stone overweight (ok... probably more like 5). I gained it all in the last 2 years after I had my baby and PND.

With medication, counselling and time I am very happy and relieved to say the PND has GONE! (Yay!!) I'm still taking 40mg of citalopram but hopefully will find a way of weaning off that soon. (That's a whole other story).

Anyhoo, I desperately need to lose weight. I feel uncomfortable all the time. My back and knees hurt. I snore!! And, quite frankly, I look terrible. I asked my DP to take some 'before' photos and I don't even recognise myself.

So, why on earth am I struggling to stick to any kind of healthy eating/exercise plan? What's wrong with me?

OP posts:
wowfudge · 09/10/2016 07:52

Maybe it's too soon? Give yourself some more time to get your motivation. I've found that if I'm not in the right frame of mind, I just won't stick to it and will get hacked off and feel worse about myself. Or you could try to get rapid results, which will spur you on and your confidence will get a boost.

blueturtle6 · 09/10/2016 07:56

Because its winter and getting cold? Or because you feel that it is too build a challenge. Try setting a smaller challenge, eg a stone by Christmas?

DetailedConfusion · 09/10/2016 07:57

Maybe it is too soon for a 'plan'. I always find that as soon as I try and put an actual plan in place, I break it, get demotivated and stop.

Maybe just think of two things that you will do for the next two weeks - one diet and one exercise related. So 'I will not eat after 9pm and I will get off one bus stop early every day' (or whatever's relevant to you. And see how it goes. 5 stone is quite a lot to lose % wise (sorry, you know what I mean) and even small changes are likely to make a difference in the first couple of months.

Walkacrossthesand · 09/10/2016 07:59

Sympathies - food is nice, isn't it, and high calorie food tends to be even nicer. If, during your difficult 2 years, you got into the habit of letting yourself eat anything you fancy (I guess you didn't before, if you've not had a weight problem before?) , that's going to be a hard habit to break. I'm active and I don't binge or comfort eat, but I have to 'police' what I eat just to avoid gaining 1kg/month. To lose, I have to police intake hard!
The first step is to identify what your particular 'thing' is - portion size? sweet snacks? Crisps? Cheese? Eating same as DH? Once you understand your intake, you're better placed to know where and how to trim it back. 'My fitness pal' app is my policeman....

Hassled · 09/10/2016 08:01

Because in your head losing 5 stone is an impossible, unachievable task so there's no point even trying. So you have to break it down into manageable chunks - you'll lose half a stone by X date, and so on. And just focus on that half a stone, that's all you have to lose, and forget about the rest of it for now.

Purplebluebird · 09/10/2016 08:02

Following!

glenthebattleostrich · 09/10/2016 08:08

Because it feels like a huge amount to loose.

6 weeks ago I had 4 stone to loose. I joined a loose a stone by November thread and now have 3 st 4 lb to loose.

BIWI does a brilliant low carb boot camp, the next one starts on 24 October, might be worth a look.

And it can take time to get your head in the right place to diet, I find its exercise led for me, in that if I'm working hard to exercise I want to give my body healthy foods so it's quite a positive cycle.

I also don't eat after 8, knitting and cross stitch help keep my hands occupied.

abbsismyhero · 09/10/2016 08:10

Because citalopram muddys your thinking

Sassypants82 · 09/10/2016 08:19

What about slimming world or weight watchers? The support in class is invaluable. And it's an hour a week to yourself!

Allthewaves · 09/10/2016 08:22

Be nice to yourself. I like the idea of another poster about having the exercise goal and eating goal

EmpressKnowsWhereHerTowelIs · 09/10/2016 08:27

I was on 40mg of Citalopram for about a year and it helped to save my life, but FFS wean yourself off it very slowly. While I was coming off I could feel the difference - it was as if I'd had a blanket wrapped round me as a buffer against the outside world and now I was taking it off.

I put quite a bit of weight on too, and was aware I needed to do something about that but didn't feel really motivated until I'd dropped my dose a bit.

Bagina · 09/10/2016 08:27

Citalopram made my body and brain slow. Maybe you could start a very very very slow withdrawal? Only if you feel ready obviously. I'd also set My Fitness Pal to lose half a pound a week for a few weeks or a month, whilst you wean yourself of food. Then go in hard for 2lbs a week so that you see quick results and it spurs you on. Also try and get your 10000 steps per day, it makes a massive difference. Both of these things are free.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/10/2016 08:38

Because you're not ready maybe. It's very hard to fight more than one battle at a time. I'm now ready and am losing weight, which is primarily eating what my body needs to improve my health long term - hopefully. But it took an awfully long time to get here. Autumn I was once told is apparently a good time to make a change. New Years resolutions are not great for this because your body is trying to store up energy for the winter. So try to eat warming meals and love yourself and not too many carbs or junk. Maybe some hearty soups in there too. Tinned soups like chicken or vegetable are actually ok.

JustHappy3 · 09/10/2016 09:00

I asked myself that and it turned out that i was actually very stressed and worried about something and i didn't really realise how much it was affecting me until it went away. Like a huge weight lifting - and the need to eat, eat, eat to fill a hole just went.
I wish i'd gone for some counselling cos i think a dispassionate observer would have seen instantly what the problem was whereas friends and family were also in it with me.

It may be that you just need to break bad habits tho. I got the 8 week blood sugar diet. It shifts a lot of weight fast and off your tummy which is quite motivational. (1st 10lb in 6 weeks for me and 5 notches on my belt). It's cold turkey - 800 cal a day but tasty so manageable. It's not for everyone so read it through carefully.

Original poster
Bellyrub1980 · 09/10/2016 09:59

Thank you for the replies. My depression is gone, and I feel happy about the future. I don't think there's anything bothering me other than my weight and lack of fitness. I feel sluggish all the time, but it's a physical feeling, rather than an emotional one iyswim.

I have a 2 year old who is going through a long and rather intense separation anxiety phase which makes doing even simple things quite difficult. I haven't shaved my legs in about 6 months!! So I do have even lower self esteem due to lack of basic grooming.

My DP is lovely and very supportive, no issues there. And work is fine. We are a bit short of money but by no means in poverty.

I just feel like a fat, hairy, snoring slob with skin that needs serious exfoliation. I have white eyelashes and eyebrows which I normally dye but haven't got round to it for about a year.

Thank you for all the advice. need to decide between a step by step approach or quick strict confidence booster.

My weakness is sugar. I'm totally addicted!

OP posts:
redexpat · 09/10/2016 10:39

If you havent shaved for 6 months then waxing would probably make you feel better with a comparatively long lasting effects. I'm sure you could get your lashes done too.

I know there's a hypnotherapy app that is supposed to make you feel like you have a gastric band. If you feel awful and cant face doing much it might be a good easy way to start.

Original poster
Bellyrub1980 · 09/10/2016 11:00

Hypnotism is a good idea!!!

OP posts:
witsender · 09/10/2016 11:04

No positive, long lasting changes come from a place of self hatred...IMO. Start loving who you are now...take care of yourself. Get a session at the beautician if you can afford it, If not start an at home routine. Dress well, exfoliate, shave/defuzz somehow, tint lashes, eat as well as you can, drink water, get out for a walk...start feeling positive about who you are now. Then you can take steps to change your body, if those steps haven't started helping already. When you feel like you have nothing worth losing you are less likely to work hard to salvage it...iyswim.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/10/2016 11:05

Sugar addiction is hard. I reduced and it a bit and that was hard then went cold turkey. Only way for me.

Lancelottie · 09/10/2016 11:14

If it helps at all, I did a course for overweight children when DD was smaller. Each week the child had to come up with a new food goal and a new exercise goal - say, if you love crisps, swap to popcorn for a week, plus go for a walk/swim/dance DVD.

Make them as easy as you like, and only do it for that week, then think of another couple. It breaks habits.

EmpressKnowsWhereHerTowelIs · 09/10/2016 11:20

My depression is gone, and I feel happy about the future.

Then that in itself is a fucking big achievement. Congratulations.

TheProblemOfSusan · 09/10/2016 11:30

I am terrible at losing weight because of a history of not-quite
-disordered eating - basically if I'd never started trying to lose weight I'd be a lovely curve 12-14 now instead of two sizes bigger.

However, one thing I do really like and that seems to help me to stay one size/lose a bit/generally move more is my Fitbit and the app that goes with it. I set it to the longest-weight loss setting and log all my food, whether in trying to be healthy or not.

Something about the visibility of it helps me make better choices and I see how really small things add up.

The other thing is that in the past when dieting I've really fucked myself over by not eating anything like enough. All these 1500 cals a day plans were leaving me without anything like enough food for my fairly active life and making my body hoard calories and stalling weight loss.

Any way, this was a very long winded way of saying they perhaps got aren't in the right headspace to lose weight but I like the Fitbit for helping me maintain and learn about where I am now, maybe you might too.

I have the One, cost about 80, but you can get them cheaper online. Oh and when mine stopped working randomly two years after I bought it they replaced it for free, no fuss, with a screenshot of my bank statement for proof of purchase so maybe take a pic of receipt.

Good luck and Flowers

Original poster
Bellyrub1980 · 09/10/2016 22:02

Thank you for all the replies.

I tried to get some basic grooming underway today. I started by having a shower with my 2 year old sat at the end of the bath (this is currently the only way it happens). She shouted various demands at me while I quickly washed my hair. I then got us both out and ran around the bedrooms naked trying to get a nappy on her. By this time my face had gone all tight and dry because I didn't instantly apply moisturiser. Just about managed to scrape my (far too long) lifeless wet hair back into a bun and get dressed before taking her out for a walk in an attempt to tire her out!

Legs still hairy!

Have decided to wake up an hour early tomorrow just so I can shower alone shave my bloody legs!! And maybe this is how I will get my grooming done from now on, an hour in the morning just for me.

(She says, knowing full well that the choice between bed and shaving on a Monday morning could be a very difficult one to make!!)

I've been looking at various diets and things on Pinterest. The paleo one catches my eye in that the food appeals to me and looks pretty simple to make. It's the kind of thing I think I could get into anyway!

OP posts:
Original poster
Bellyrub1980 · 09/10/2016 22:04

I have a jawbone which is very similar to the Fitbit. So yes, can track my activity and food on there. It's just a case of doing it.

I used to be a 'dooer', now I'm one of those wingey 'thinker' types who never gets anything done. Cheers PND!

OP posts:
FleurThomas · 09/10/2016 22:13

You need to ease yourself into it. I have this routine this before every diet cycle:

  1. start monitoring food intake with myfitness pal (but no restriction so ignore those calories for now).

  2. start going for faster/longer walks. Take the stairs more often at work.

  3. drink more water.

  4. start clearing out cupboards of junk food that I know will derail me (crisps chocolate etc). Usually give away the unopened stuff to food banks and eat the opened stuff. Start filling cupboards with fresh vegetables.

  5. Start diet.