To not want to look after pil when they're older.

[Dinosauratemypudding]

Mil has said that when the time comes for them to need extra care they are going to move closer to us. We currently live 3hrs away from them.
They have never lived anywhere else from where they live now, they have all of their friends and my dh's sister lives there who she is much closer to.
They are in their 70s, my dm is in her 50s.
I am an only child, and live near my dm. I am expecting to look after her when she's older but that's a long way off.
AIBU to expect to look after pil, and then look after my dm?
My dh works away so most of the care would fall on me as I'll be around more.
Also, aibu to be even thinking about this?... pil are fairly healthy but it was mil bringing up the subject which has made me think more about it

I've forbidden both of my sons for even contemplating caring for me when I'm older. I think people should be independent and organise their own support rather than expecting family members to do it. They have their own lives.

Mil has never taken responsibility for herself and instead left it up to dh to make all the decisions and sort her out. She was very passive about it, but it would have been better if she'd taken some sort of active role. It's like having another child to look after. Instead of employing a handyman, every time dh visited, he was practically met at the door with a list of diy that he was expected to do. Visits just became a chore. She still does it now even though the jobs are things the care asssitants could easily complete in a few minutes. And sil wonders why he doesn't want to visit

Yes I think some clarity and honesty is needed now. I think it is fair to let her know now that you will not entertain her living in your house and that if she moves nearby, you and your husband won't be visiting any more than you do now.

If she likes planning and thinking about future scenarios, then she has the time to formulate a different plan that doesn't involve the op dancing attendance on her.

If she's allowed to keep labouring under the illusion that the op will meet all her care needs and five/ten years down the line needs more care, it will come as a shock to her and the decision may be taken out of her hands.

helpim that is the exact sitaution pil are currently in with mil mother. She is in sheltered accomodation and needs carers every day. Pil & sil visit often to help. So mil is probably thinking it is the normal progressional thing to do. I wonder if sil has said she won't as she has been amongst the care for her gm.
Sil also works fulltime and has a 1yr old. I don't work full time but will be when my dd is in school. I currently work part time

I'' going to get dh to bring it up next time we see them.

YANBU parents have a responsibility to their children but not the other way around.

On the back of this thread I asked my DH what he will say if MIL asks us to care for her (and he works full time and I don't so wonder who would end up doing that) and thankfully he said no way.

I think older people who expect family to care for them are very selfish.

And you don't marry into the family, that post was rubbish and sounded like it came from from the 1900s. I married DH, not the family. They aren't my family.

YANBU. I like your DHs response about moving away, if they move closer though.
Much as I probably wouldn't do this, I'd be tempted to say to your MIL "you'd better speak with your DS about that before you sell up and move over here" or " I can't wait to be rid of the cold when we emigrate..... to Australia" " The bbqs will be fantastic".

Then when she comes over, borrow books from the library about life in Australia.