To ask what would you prefer?

[MoonStar07]

So DH gets back 7pm every night. He helps with bath time of DCs. Today I said to him (we were arguing and I said I have kids 7-7 alone every day and I've done 60 hours of work by Friday- no lunch hour or train journey to unwind and no family support) I would prefer it if he did longer nights 2 days a week so finished 8-9pm and then got back 6pm 3 days a week. So we as a family have a longer evening together? I think that's better he seemed shocked that I suggest he works longer hours. He leaves house 730 arrives office at 810. But I think DC seeing him from 6 at least 3 days a week is better?

What would he prefer?

I would agree with you. My dh works away 5 days per week so when he is home he is here for 2 days or so- always things to do but at home 24 hours really. A few of my friends reckon our kids see more of their Dad than their own because of the working times. I would also rather it as a child.

Think he would like to work 2 longer evenings as sometimes it's a rush for him to get back for 7. But I could end up shooting my self in the foot and he gets back 2 days late and 3 at 7!

So you're suggesting he does longer hours on two days so he comes home earlier on other days in order to do more work at home with the kids? How did he feel about your suggestion?

I think often parents at home think their working spouse has an easier ride of it and spends all day having coffee and checking emails, this isn't always the case. And commutes are exhausting. What is your husband's working life like? Do you feel you are taking on an unfair burden of work and does he agree?

IMHO being the sole financial provider is a lot of pressure and responsibility and should be valued accordingly not seen as lesser or an easy option.

I've not always been a SAHM returned to work for a year after DC1 so I know how pressured the commute is! It's not we're 5 mins from station and his office is 2 mins from station other end! We also did a very similar job albeit I was more senior when I left so I get his pressures! BUT I acknowledge everyone handles stress in different ways. Financial pressure isn't his alone as I have to make sure I stay on my budget allowance every month to make every thing work. I am totally appreciative of his stress. We share cooking etc but I do all food shopping. He probably actually cooks 2 meals a week but that's fine. He's great in evenings loads dishwashers and helps me tidy kitchen. We have a good split of house work! I hope! He gets to go to gym during day at work at least once a week! I hope to join soon so can go evenings and least weekend

Ps not more work with kids but for example all homework is done by 7 and kids are ready for bed! It would be nice for them to see their father 6-7pm play and have fun!

I think the current arrangement is better, the new one would mean that the kids don't see their dad at all for 2 nights? At least this way they have a routine, and won't be confused as to what type of day it is... New arrangement is only better for you, not the kids, or their dad.

Yes they wouldn't see him two nights but he does think it might work better for him at work because he's always stressing getting back for 7

How old are the children? Would they settle without him or "wait up" until he got back... It might be that it works for now and as they get older you go back to the current situation. Can he trial it?

Yes they would settle without him. They're both under 5. In saying that I think like a PP said they would miss seeing him. They would probably see him briefly in the morning. So I think well it's up to him but I'll definitely mention that he won't see them two evenings. See what he thinks