AIBU to want a babysitter to do cleaning?

[Rosamund1]

We are desparately poor at the moment and going through a number of problems including health. My one ray of sunshine is going to a dance class every 2 weeks.

At the newsagents there was an advert for 'domestic help, cleaning, childminding, shopping etc.' I Called the agency and they said they could do what I needed; From 8pm -11pm look after 12 year old ds for three hours and do some housework for a total of £30. The class is 8.30- 10 and then I have a cup of tea and socialise till 10.30 then get home for 11. I don't have friends or family to hep with childcare and I don't want to give up this positive adult interaction as my job is awful.

The first week she came armed with a mop and cleaning things and I came home to a clean house. I had told ds to be in his bedroom. The week after she just did some dusting. The week after ds said she had just watched Tv the whole time.

I asked her to iron five shirts last week and she said she had done them, but maybe with the iron off or something. I feel sorry for her because she is old with a hacking smokers cough. I am not asking her to supervise an infant and scrub the floors at the same time.

Babysitters charge about £7 per hour here, so I may as well save the £200 per year difference and actually pay someone to sit around.

AIBU to want someone to clean for that amount as well as babysit ( even though it's what they initially agreed)?

For what it's worth, we invested in a super quiet vacuum cleaner about 5 years ago and you literally can't hear it in the next room, so the cleaning would not be noisy for neighbours at that time.

[NoFucksImAQueen]

Oh, gees, I dunno, it's not at all cunty to refer to people buying tops in Primark as no way they can be poor or that people who have to use foodbanks can't possibly be . 

Clearly that was sarcasm in response to all the people telling op she can't possible be desperately poor

[somekindofmother]

i don't think it's unreasonable on the basis the agency agreed it. i'd go back and say she's not a good fit and was there anyone else. maybe if £7 is the going rate in your area you could say you are paying £19 for 90mins of cleaning and babysitting (a 12yo who will be in his room) and £11 for a further 90mins of just babysitting. i think pay wise that actually works out fair and i know people who struggle to find preferred evening work as it suits their childcare arrangements.
i know people who are 'desperately poor' who smoke or drink to the sum of much more than £15 a week. i think you are being unfairly slated here for spending £60 a month on the one thing that keeps your depression at bay.

[londonrach]

Op you used the wrong words as you arent desparately poor as you have a spare £60 plus (money for lessons, cup of tea etc) even if it adds to your debt, its still spare. Money might be tight thats all. However this isnt the issue you paid for a service and youve got it. Phone the agency explain why you no longer need her. Can your ds come with you, can he be left by himself, could he go to a friend (money might be needed here), if he cant be left by himself find a babysitter. Id separate the cleaner from the babysitter. I do think this class is important to you for your mental health.

[londonrach]

Theres a not to be added to my post! Paid for a service you not got.

[Jedimum1]

Sorry, I haven't read the full thread yet but, yes, this combination of cleaner and babysitter is common, although usually advertised as "mum's helper". So, basically, there are people who target that market and would do that job. You are not really asking a babysitter to clean, which would be unreasonable, but you are asking somebody who agreed to do both, is charging as such and have previously done it. NBU, in my opinion since your child also needs nothing but just keeping an eye that he's safe. Mum's helpers actually would look after your baby AND clean, this is not that difficult. Talk to her and say that since your kid is so old, your priority is the house. Otherwise, ask for a cleaner that would be happy to keep an eye on your kid or look for a "mum's helper" with the agency, so it's clear that your priority is cleaning, not babysitting.

I understand other posters on the being poor comment, but maybe she cannot really afford it and she's doing a huge sacrifice or going into debt in exchange for adult company and a healthy mind. You might have explained it later on, I'll read now the rest.

[maras2]

Last month you had a 12 year old DD who was scared of thunder.Now a 12 year old DS who needs a babysitter.Have you twins or made an error in your posts? .

[Moonpuddle]

Maras
Last month you had a 12 year old DD who was scared of thunder.Now a 12 year old DS who needs a babysitter.Have you twins or made an error in your posts?

I often change minor details when I post so I'm not easily identifiable. Lots of posters do.

[maras2]

Ok.Thanks moonpuddle

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Why are you posting that, Blanche? Are you incapable of reporting or can you just not resist blurting out whatever is in your head?

[BlancheBlue]

Who made you the mn police?

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Who made you think it was ok to call troll? I've reported your twattish post.

[BlancheBlue]

Someone has got out of the wrong side of bed this morning.

[Billben]

I don't see any trolling

[IonaMumsnet]

Morning all. Could we ask for a bit of peace, love and understanding here and maybe get back to the OP's original question about what's a reasonable expectation of a babysitter? Also just a reminder that we delete trollhunting. Please do give us a knock if you have concerns about a poster, rather than post it on the thread. Thank you.

[mycatwantstokillme1]

sureyly the babysitter/cleaner is being exploited by being asked to do 2 separate jobs that alone should be between 7-10 an hour EACH? Never mind how old DS is, she's still being asked to be in charge od him and clean.

And I think the reason some people been 'cunty' to the OP is because even after it was pointed out she wasn't desparately poor she still stood by her original post that she is.

I think most people understand that being desperately poor isn't being able to afford £60 a month on a cleaner/babysitter.

As for the food bank comment. FFS.

I'm sorry but I don't have any sympathy for this. And yes OP YABU to ask someone to clean and babysit knowing they only get £10 an hour, when they could earn almost double that - that's exploitation.

[ssd]

rubbish rubbish rubbish!!!

i babysit and clean for £10 anhour and am glad to get the money, it makes such a difference to our family!

this woman agreed a price for a job and isnt doing what she agreed, end of!

op, get rid of her and get someone who will do as she says.

[BackforGood]

Don't be daft mycat - the OP's title is confusing, but if you read her posts, she is basically after a cleaner during an evening when she isn't in the house but her 12 yr old is. The 12 yr old clearly won't need any looking after, so the person who takes the job is being paid £10ph for cleaning - well above the NMW, and absolutely the going rate around here for house cleaning.

[mycatwantstokillme1]

ssd & backforgood its not rubbish and I'm not being daft, this is what OP wrote:

At the newsagents there was an advert for 'domestic help, cleaning, childminding, shopping etc.' I Called the agency and they said they could do what I needed; From 8pm -11pm look after 12 year old ds for three hours and do some housework for a total of £30.

See? Look after son and do some cleaning. Not just clean while her 12 year old son is in the house. 2 jobs for the price of one. If she were doing one of the othr she should be paid around £10 an hour (unless you don't agree with a living wage?) But she's being asked to do both and only being paid the equivalent of one. So to answer OP yes she's being unreasonable and so are the agency.

[mycatwantstokillme1]

And I'm talking about a living wage, not a national mimimum wage.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

mycat, you're being unreasonable. It doesn't matter what the 'rate of pay' is because NOBODY has to do the job if they don't want to. If someone agrees to do X job for Y money then that is the agreement and they should stick to it, both parties.

Your opinion on whether it's enough money or too much work is really irrelevant and the question of OP's 'poorness' isn't up for debate either really, it's been covered and re-covered. To keep on is just being goady.

[HSMMaCM]

I gave up reading all the posts about levels of poverty and just read OPs.

Can ds come to the dance class and do some homework there? Doesn't solve the cleaning, but might save some money.

[mycatwantstokillme1]

LOL

She's asked if she's being unreasonable to expect the woman to do both - babysit and clean, to which I've given my opinion - she is, for £10 an hour (like I said I'm for a living wage, not a minimum wage) I don't know how that's being unreasonable, it's my opinion! It's not irrelevant, it's got everything to do with the situation.

Her 'poorness' is up for debate and is an insult to people who can't put money on their gas and electric meters etc etc. I think she should go and watch I, Daniel Blake when it's officially released at the end of this month (have seen it already at a preview screening). Might change her use of 'desperately poor' although I doubt it because despite other posters pointing this out to her, she still stands by her words. That's why I referred to it.

But it's nice to see MN doesn't think that a woman being asked to do two separate jobs for the price of one isn't a problem!

[BackforGood]

mycat - Nat Living wage is still only £7.20ph if you are wanting to be pedantic.
However, as I said, that's hardly the point. The point is, OP doesn't actually want a babysitter, just for ds not to be alone in the house, so, by employing a cleaner during those hours, she's actually only needing a cleaner.
You even said yourself that she called the agency and agreed to be there for her ds and do housework. The issue is, that after the first week, she hasn't done the housework that was agreed.
As Lying says, it doesn't matter if you think it's an unreasonable rate of pay for the job or not, it's what was agreed, so, in the same way OP keeps her side of the contract and hands over £30, then the cleaner has to honour her side of the contract, and do some cleaning.

You might not want to do that job for that money, but there's plenty who would, both parents trying to work around partner's hours, and students trying to earn some cash around lectures.

[mycatwantstokillme1]

Yes I know what the living wage is currently, but I think it should be more, for everyone, not just the woman the agency sent round to the OP's. The fact is she's asked for someone to babysit and clean and I think that's unreasonable for all the reasons I've previously stated.

I think your response is pretty pedantic actually - whether she wants someone to babysit/be there in the house with DC is splitting hairs, the fact is the agency are exploiting workers who as you say need the extra cash by advertising doing 2 jobs for the price of one. What about all the other workers who will take jobs like this where they'll be expected to do cleaning and more activities with a younger child?

All these things are relevant to OP, who uses the words desperately poor when she isn't. Ironically perhaps the people this agency employs are desperately poor and have to put up with doing 2 jos for the price of one to put food on the table.