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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Overweight but doesn't eat apparently - possible?

344 replies

Mozismyhero · 07/10/2016 17:01

So, my DM is massively overweight. She is also diabetic. She says she doesn't eat, 'I've only had one piece of toast all day. I couldn't possibly eat all that (when eating out/at our house). And yet she doesn't lose any weight. Is that possible? Surely the weight would be falling off her if she didn't eat? Or do I just not understand diabetes?

AIBU to think that she must do it for attention and that she's secretly eating packets of biscuits and crisps?

OP posts:

YuckYuckEwwww · 07/10/2016 17:27

My mum "doesn't eat much" and is over weight… she reasons it's genetic

she TOTALLY drinks her calories though… I don't mean alcohol, I mean cup after cup of milky teas and coffees… if we stop for lunch she'll have a juice as well as a syrupy coffee type drink..

I don't think I have ever ever seen her drink water. All of her hydration comes from juice or milky drinks or the "healthy" smoothies she orders if eating out during the day

but she just picks at food, and genuinely doesn't eat much.. she drinks a tonne of calories a day though

theDudesmummy · 07/10/2016 17:28

Even with hormonal and metabolic problems that cause weight gain, there has to be calorie intake to cause the weight. Unless it is all oedema (fluid) rather than fat, such as in heart or kidney failure, but even then that would be unlikely to be the whole story.

Daydream007 · 07/10/2016 17:28

My mum does this. She pretends she doesn't eat to avoid people judging her. I know loads of overweight people who pretend they hardly eat.

EveOnline2016 · 07/10/2016 17:30

I eat very little but I drink far to much Coca Cola and energy drinks. If I don't I would end up crashing from lack of sleep ( ds asd and sleeps for 4 hours)

I know I get a lot of empty calories from drinks.

YuckYuckEwwww · 07/10/2016 17:32

Even before she retired her desk was never without a fresh cuppa. She often wouldn't stop working to eat lunch, but was always making a "round" for herself and her colleagues.

She'ld also skip breakfast but would have a cuppa on the go as soon as she got in the door at work before she could do anything.

It's kettle on as soon as she gets home, kettle on again before she makes any phone calls, cuppa before we head out anywhere… cuppa as soon as we get there.. cuppa before bed (no idea how she sleeps - it's never decaf!)

She just doesn't realise that liquids count.

RockinHippy · 07/10/2016 17:32

Diabetes is an autoimmune disorder & they do tend to come in gangs, so its more than likely your DM has another going on too.

Under active thyroid, or celiac could be a cause - my own DM was like this too & she eventually turned out to have both & Pernicious Anaemia too, which I think can cause weight gain for some - she was only diagnosed when she suddenly lost a lot of weight quickly - this turned out to be due to a folate deficiency linked to PA, the blood tests showed up thyroid trouble & celiac too

AdoraBell · 07/10/2016 17:33

Some people fail to notice what and when they are eating. Others do know but are in denial.

Rosa · 07/10/2016 17:33

Since BF last DD now 7 the fat will not budge. I kept a food diary for 2 weeks and took to dietician . Along with exercise . They can't understand either why it won't shift. They have advise me to split the food more during the day to try and get the metabolism kick started. Also to increase the veg and salad- As some days yep I was not eating enough food al together ( and I included any treats / cheats etc ) . Changed my exercise routine as well . I have stopped lactose for 3 months as well so far lost 2 kg . Is slow but sometimes seeking professional advice when you do everything 'right' does help.

Moonpuddle · 07/10/2016 17:33

It's too many calories that make you fat. It's not your frame or genetics or age or anything else it's calories.

It's hard to loose weight though. I needed to loose a stone so used my fitness pal and my meals were all fine, it was the 'little' extras that caused the problem.

Ta1kinpeece · 07/10/2016 17:34

secret eater

Groundhogday2016 · 07/10/2016 17:35

I think some overweight people make a point of not eating in front of other people eg at work.

Londonista · 07/10/2016 17:36

I agree with DudesMummy. I think most people would agree that she is obviously eating considerably more than a piece of toast every day to not be losing weight. However, I do think that some people hang on to their weight a bit more than others.
I understand theoretically it's a simple "calories in / calories out" equation, and I subscribe to that, but within this, people gain/lose weight disproportionally in my experience, based on lots of influencing factor. My own mum has gone from having an amazing figure to overweight in a very short space of time due to lung disease, she is distraught about it.

And by the way, let's show some sympathy to the OP, it's her mum we're talking about. A few of these comments could be seen as quite insensitive.

RockinHippy · 07/10/2016 17:36

Oh & YABVU & very judgey of your poor DM. I would be far more worried that in eating so little, she wont be helping her Diabetes at all

UnsuccessfullyAdulting · 07/10/2016 17:38

My DM eats around 600-700 calories per day but is overweight due to the medication she takes for life threatening conditions. She would love to be able to snack, or eat a full meal. Her lifestyle is very sedentary due to her limiting conditions.

Also, lovely to see a let's discuss fat people as if they don't exist thread. I'm slim as I am very active, and also count myself lucky I am young and fit and able to eat well and exercise regularly. Not everyone has that opportunity. Why can't we just worry about ourselves without judging others?

Bexta147 · 07/10/2016 17:39

It is possible. I am overweight although not massively and I eat very little. When I joined slimming world and my consultant looked at my food diary as I hadn't lost I got a bit of a telling off as I don't eat anywhere near enough to lose weight.
I know aswell that most of the foods I do eat when I'm not 'dieting' are not particularly healthy either.

RockinHippy · 07/10/2016 17:39

Christ there is a HUGE amount of ignorance on this thread, yet all spouted as if actually having a clue

kaitlinktm · 07/10/2016 17:39

I try not to eat whilst out - just scarf it all down when I get home. You don't want to be seen eating cake out in public if you are obese - people are very judgmental.

However, I don't claim to not eat much. I am a realist if nothing else. Still obese though.

eatsleephockeyrepeat · 07/10/2016 17:40

To be honest if it weren't for the diabetes I'd say she must be eating more than she's letting on... but actually I don't know enough about diabetes to rule it out as related. What I do know from friends with the condition is that thyroid disorders are more common in type 1 diabetics (causes weight gain) and certain diabetes medication hinders weight loss.

Also bear in mind that if your mum was large to start with and is fairly sedentary she is unlikely to be shedding weight as quickly or as obviously as you'd from expect a slim, active person eating next to nothing.

My mother was a large lady, however she went on to develop a serious heart and lung condition so despite her going on to eat very little she never appeared to lose weight, as fluid retention replaced where the fat would have been. As pp mentioned poor heart and kidney function (again, I believe these things go side by side with or result from diabetes) can result in odoema (fluid retention) which would look much the same as fat.

If you think she's being genuine about not eating much I send her back to the doctor.

user1474627704 · 07/10/2016 17:41

Also, lovely to see a let's discuss fat people as if they don't exist thread

I didn't realise you could both see and weigh us all? You must, unless you're just assuming we are all waif-like, for some bizarre reason?

DuggeesPoncho · 07/10/2016 17:42

I doubt she's doing it for attention. She's probably saying it out of embarrassment.

My mum's ex claimed to hardly eat a thing. Infront of people, he'd eat morsels of healthy food with exaggerated table manners. The man was in the region of 40-50 stone, so it looked like a T Rex having 1 smartie for dinner.

Living in the same house as him though meant I knew that food disappeared during the night (wrappers would be in the wheelie bin, not the kithen bin). If he went for a drive, his car could be found in the car park nearest the kebab house (evenings) or the car park near the local bakery (day time).

I was a student locally at the time, so would see him about. He never admitted it was him if I said I saw him in town, even though he and his car are pretty distinctive. I'm not sure if he's ever admitted to anyone about his eating habits. I'm not sure he admits it to himself!

Londonista · 07/10/2016 17:43

Did anyone watch the Panorama special on the Beeb last Monday night? That was a real eye opener. And not in a good way. Bloody terrifying.

gamerwidow · 07/10/2016 17:43

My mums like this. She's not a secret eater as such but she eats all the wrong things. She frequently skips meals but then fills up on biscuits and crisips. So it feels to her like she's not eating much because she doesn't have 3 meals a day but actually she eats loads because she snacks all the time.

Londonista · 07/10/2016 17:43

Sorry the Panorama special was about Type 2 diabetes

eatsleephockeyrepeat · 07/10/2016 17:44

I doubt she's doing it for attention. She's probably saying it out of embarrassment.

...or perhaps she's concerned?

Bumbleclat · 07/10/2016 17:46

I'm a bit like this though I wouldn't deny it. I eat more when Im alone than with others.

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