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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think I can manage this with a newborn?

45 replies

ThePartyArtist · 07/10/2016 12:19

Please tell me if this is total madness...

I am due my first baby early March. In early May there is a theatre show I desperately want to go and see with a friend. Running time of the show is 2.5 hours and it's on both daytime and evening. It's a popular one so likely to sell out which means if we want to go we need to book tickets before the baby arrives.

Is it utter madness to think that I could leave the baby with DH while I go to the theatre? I'm new to all this, so no idea about expressing milk, how long I can realistically leave the baby for etc. I am hoping to breastfeed but obviously aware that there are no guarantees.

OP posts:

museumum · 07/10/2016 12:21

I would have been fine to go in the daytime at that stage but not evening.
My ds was bf mainly in demand but I could tweak the feeds to get 3-4hrs away if dh had a bottle of ebm as back up.

TheWitTank · 07/10/2016 12:21

I would book it.

AntiHop · 07/10/2016 12:21

How long will you be away for in total?

IAmAPaleontologist · 07/10/2016 12:28

Basically there is no way of knowing. You might express with ease and have a baby happy to take expressed milk, you might not.

Of course if you do go then you will need to express while there too.

Alternatives are your Dh coming too with baby and hanging around so you can feed directly before you go in and at the interval. If there are some nice cafes and places to potter that could work nicely. Or what is the show like? Is it a loud show? Does the theatre allow babes in arms?

MargaretCavendish · 07/10/2016 12:29

Do you think you'd be able to find another friend to take the ticket if you decided it wasn't viable closer to the time? If so, I think talk to your friend about it and ask which she'd prefer: to book the tickets knowing you might not end up going, or to not book them and risk not being able to get some closer to the time?

Mum2twoUnder4 · 07/10/2016 12:29

Book it. And if you find that you're struggling, sell the ticket. If you're not, then go and have fun. You'll likely be glad of the break :)

user1474781546 · 07/10/2016 12:30

You can work around it- you will have more idea of the practicalities when you have the baby. I agree with the others that the afternoon show may be the easiest. Many babies cluster feed in the evening and can be unsettled.
Expressing/giving a bottle can be a challenge for some mothers/babies so i would have a back up plan.

Having someone go with you , you can feed the baby immediately before the performance, and even during the interval in the foyer, and again immediately after the show if necessary.

foxessocks · 07/10/2016 12:30

I'd book it. You'll find a way even if as said above someone comes with you and then you feed the baby in the interval!

Original poster

ThePartyArtist · 07/10/2016 12:31

Thanks everyone.
In answer to your questions, the theatre is approx. 30 min journey from home. So total 1 hr travel time plus 2.5 hr in show.
The theatre doesn't allow babies.
The theatre's in the city centre so DH could be around so that I could feed just before going in, and during interval - however of course baby might not stick to that schedule!
Someone mentioned that I'd need to express while there, is this something I could do in the interval? How often do you need to express? Sorry this is all new to me so I am clueless!

OP posts:

user1474781546 · 07/10/2016 12:33

OP you wouldn't need to express in a 3.5 hour period if you had fed the baby just before. Seven or eight hours prossibly.

MuseumOfCurry · 07/10/2016 12:34

If your husband is hanging around the theatre in a cafe or something everything will be fine. The baby will be 8 weeks by then, so able to take a big feed before you head off.

I think you can go 2.5 hours without expressing.

ElspethFlashman · 07/10/2016 12:37

Book it, definitely. Make sure you introduce the concept of bottles before 6 weeks or they get a bit stubborn about taking one, and you don't need that drama before you head out the door!

And a bottle of formula won't kill it, either!

CantThinkOfAQuirkyName · 07/10/2016 12:39

If I were you (in hindsight of course) I would book it but you would need to make sure baby will take a bottle. If you ebf then you'd need to introduce the bottle possibly a couple of weeks before so baby knows how to suck the bottle as its different from breast and so baby is happy to take a bottle.

If you only breast feed and not express and use a bottle then baby is likely to refuse a bottle regardless of what's in it. He'll want breast.

I think 3.5 hours with dad at 8 weeks old should be fine.

j0j080 · 07/10/2016 12:40

I could maybe have done this, but my son was still feeding every hour to hour and a half at that stage, so definitely would have needed at least one bottle of EBM left for him, and I possibly would have needed to express if away for 3.5/4 hours. Evening would have been much trickier than daytime. Also if the baby is due end of March and is two weeks late (very possible) then they may be 6 weeks old when the show is on, right in the middle of a massive growth spurt/cluster feeding period. So, it may be possible but be prepared to change plans closer to the time.

ElspethFlashman · 07/10/2016 12:40

You don't need to express. You may feel a wee bit uncomfortable and there may be a bit of leakage but that's what breast pads are for.

Wrinklytights · 07/10/2016 12:45

It's so hard to say really. I would say try to find a third friend who wants to go with you, so if you pull out, your friends can go without you and you won't feel like you're letting anyone down - would take the pressure off.

I could never be faffed with expressing for any of mine and although I mainly BFed on demand I would feed them to suit my own/my family's convenience i.e to fit in with the school run, make sure they are well topped-up before we left etc.

My first was definitely going roughly 3 hrs between feeds at that age, so I could have planned to get into town early. Give him a good feed and then left him with DH as he loved being out in the pram. Don't do an evening as that's when babies tend to be more fussy - mine used to cluster-feed most eves. The thing is, babies vary so much. You might get one who wants to feed all the time, only wants to be carried in a sling etc. That's why I would only book, if you would feel comfortable pulling out if necessary.

NuffSaidSam · 07/10/2016 12:45

Book the tickets.

There are all sorts of way around the practicality of leaving the baby. You can express and DH can bottle feed, you can mix feed and leave a bottle of formula, you can get DH to come and bring the baby to be fed in the interval.

The more problematic part might either feeling that you can't possibly be away from the baby and not enjoying the show or being so sleep deprived that you fall asleep/don't enjoy the show.

You can always sell the ticket on though.

And the absolute worst case scenario is that you don't go and lose money on the ticket, which is not ideal but also really not the end of the world when you've got a brand new baby!

Mysieveisbroken · 07/10/2016 12:49

I could have done this for a daytime performance but not an evening as that is when they were on and off the boob constantly cluster feeding.

MargaretCavendish · 07/10/2016 12:50

Agree with wrinklytights that it would be better if you could book for three rather than two: while obviously emergencies happen, I do think it's a bit shit to book tickets with a friend while thinking from the outset that there's a decent possibility that you just won't go. That's why I think you should talk to the friend and check how they feel.

Heirhelp · 07/10/2016 12:57

I would not have managed it. It all depends on your birth and recovery.

GnomeDePlume · 07/10/2016 12:57

I would say go for it. I was back at work F/T at 6 weeks with DC1 and 4 weeks after DC3. However all 3 of my DCs were formula fed as BF never worked for us.

MumiTravels · 07/10/2016 12:58

I wouldn't book it. The last thing I would have wanted to do was go to the theatre when baby was a newborn. I would have taken free time to sleep. Don't underestimate how tired you'll be after evacuating a tiny human, feeding it around the clock day and night.

The show is 2.5 hours plus commute etc. So say 4 hours total. It's not long however when your milk first comes in and your like pamela anderson for a week then i don't think you'll want to go 4 hours without having baby there to drain them and then 3 weeks of bleeding and copious amounts of maternity towels.

Sorry but it's not glamourous. I'm sure there'll be someone along though who went to a garden party with the queen 2 days post partum and rode a horse there.

RayofFuckingSunshine · 07/10/2016 13:00

Book it but be prepared to have to sell the ticket if you have a baby that is not cooperative. I could have done it with my first if DH had if come to town and hung around (I'd have fed right before and right after and left him with a bottle of expressed milk for an emergency), but I couldn't have done that at four months with DD2 who was still feeding every hour and half to two hours, and was an absolute bottle refuser despite our best efforts.

ElspethFlashman · 07/10/2016 13:03

The baby will be 2 months old though, not 2 weeks. She'll be long over the bleeding by then, and be going stir crazy in the house.

If you're so uncomfortable 2 months after having the baby that you can't go 4 hrs without draining your boobs, then you have a serious oversupply problem and will have bought a hand pump anyway which you can pump in the loos in the interval. But even me, who had the worst oversupply imaginable with #1, could have managed it with breast pads.

pinkcardi · 07/10/2016 13:06

Book. You can always find someone to replace you. The baby can either take a bottle (of expressed or formula) and stay with your DH, or your DH comes with you at worst and you feed before and after (at very worst, the interval) But seriously, I'm sure it'll be fine. In other countries women are back to work at 6 weeks, so a few hours enjoying yourself at the theatre is likely to be no problem if you want to go

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