AIBU to want to let a 10yr old decide?

[waffilyversati1e]

My daughter is off to secondary school next year and where we are we have the choice of sending her to the local academy where our older son goes or to try and pass the entrance exam for a much better school (stats wise), she's a bright kid and (without too much smug) I think she would easily pass.

That school boasts that 97% of its pupils leave with 5 or more a/a* GCSEs and a high percentage go on to university (plus its a cathedral school so if she did get to be head girl she is allowed to get hitched at the cathedral - I know, I know but could you imagine the pics!! lol) but its in the middle of the city so it would mean 2 buses there everyday and possibly struggling to afford all of the extras (they apparently have a £900 skiing trip every year as well as the more educational trips) but academically I get the feeling that the children and school would be better for my daughter

The academy is not an awful school but during my sons time there he has been bullied (including being physically attacked) and the school have been really a bit rubbish about the whole thing in my opinion. He has never enjoyed school too much (hes just more of a practical person) and tends to coast when it comes to his grades. Only now in year 11 are the school finally responding to my requests about keeping in touch with regards to incomplete homework etc. It is local though so travelling in would mean a 20 minute walk and of course most of my 10 yr olds friends will go there.

My OH really wants our daughter to go to the "better" school and thinks we need to fill in the application based on our preferences but I ultimately think it should be our daughters choice since she is the one who will effectively grow up there! She is happy to take the entrance exam (her idea anyway) but has said that having seen both schools she much prefers the shiny new academy building (the other school is old, it was founded in the 1500's) so she thinks she would prefer to go there.

So what do you think the OP should have done, then, QueenLiz? Made her 10 year old son sit a long test that he didn't want to take and which he almost certainly wouldn't have passed?

So I should force the child I have who isn't into school to be something he might become later and the child who loves school and much prefers to read or do additional homework off her own back should just be left to it because she probably won't fulfill her potential anyway?

I think I will stick to my own method thank you.

Oh and I was like your sister. I was always the narrator etc and left with 1 GCSE in Art after a parental breakdown meant that I had to mother 4 siblings instead of concentrating on me.

I now work creatively so it turned out just fine but had I been encouraged to shine, who knows! I want my kids to have the space and the support to shine.

Queen I don't think it sounds like the OP has written off her son just because she didn't enter him for a grammar school exam knowing he wouldn't pass it.. My husband and my brother were both written off as thick at primary school too (both very likely dyslexic), in my brother's case it didn't mean he was left to rot, my parents spent a fortune on tutors and other avenues trying to help him over his time at senior school.

OP my stepson's mum decided he would go to grammar school at 10 (prep school initially). He had a year at their prep school did very well and sailed the entrance exams. Then his mother changed her mind and sent him back to the comprehensive. He has done superbly well. His A level results were better than all of the friends from his prep school that went to the grammar school that he stayed in touch with. They were all at the same level when he left. And he went on some bloody expensive school trips and holidays at the comprehensive too!

10 year old is very young to make that decision.... Listen, to her sure but she is still at that age where you need to make the final decision. Let her sit the tests - have another good look around the choices you have and go with the one you feel will benefit her long term.

I think you should make the final decision after visiting all of the contending schools and letting her sit the entrance exam.

I say that as someone who is doing just that, waiting for 11+ results, GS is our nearest school but there are two others, one an Academy and one a regular High School. 99% sure that the result of the 11+ will be a pass.

Have told DD that a pass doesn't mean that she has to go to the GS, she still has a choice.

I want the school that produces the most well rounded person which I think will be the school furthest away from home and not the GS.

That school boasts that 97% of its pupils leave with 5 or more a/a GCSEs and a high percentage go on to university.*
Unless that includes Maths and English, that isn't that impressive for an academically selective school. Many comprehensive schools achieve better results.

OP, don't feel pushy for wanting to prepare your dd for the entrance exam. If you decide to enter her, it's essential she can confidently tackle the paper and work at the necessary speed to complete it. Would love to know what you decide to do.