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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I survived him

107 replies

Notavictimbutasurvivor · 05/10/2016 23:33

I regularly used to post on here using numerous different names.

Some were imsogross amongst others. I would write what I was going through then change my name and runaway.

I don't know if any of you read my threads but I have an amazing update!

After 18 years of abuse on the 10th January I finally got the courage to kick my exes sorry butt to the curb.

He's currently on remand for crimes against myself and looking at 12 years.

I've been so embarrassed to write on here but tonight I just want to shout out to the world what he had done to me. What he has taken from me.

My strength is dwindling and I feel like I'm going to have a breakdown

OP posts:
StillSmallVoice · 06/10/2016 14:36

It's really tough now, but things WILL get better. Much better. You are one amazing strong woman for surviving all of that. Be gentle with yourself, and grab as much support as you can from wherever you can. Flowers

Manumission · 06/10/2016 14:37

You've done so well.

Once you're in the refuge, register with the new GP there and make an appointment to discuss the strain your MH is under and your need for a sicknote. It's time to recuperate Flowers

RedSauceAndJellyJuice · 06/10/2016 14:37

You are doing so well , Go to the Drs and speak to them

MoonStar07 · 06/10/2016 14:41

You are so brave that is amazing. God bless xx

MycatsaPirate · 06/10/2016 14:42

You are amazing. Really, truly, brave and courageous.

I am proud of you. A stranger on the internet but still, so very proud of your fight and spirit.

woowoowoo · 06/10/2016 14:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

woowoowoo · 06/10/2016 14:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bountybarsyuk · 06/10/2016 14:52

I think it's very important you get some medical help for your stress/weight loss, and take time off work. You poor thing. You have been through so much. I'm not surprised you feel like collapsing now the end (hopefully of him) is in sight. I think the advice given here is right, go to the new place, get a GP (ask the SW/refuge about this) and go and get some help and support for yourself, because you deserve it.

AdoraBell · 06/10/2016 14:59

Well done OP

Agree you should get help from a GP.

nocampinghere · 06/10/2016 15:02

if he's getting your new number someone must be giving it to him

get yourself and your kids to the safe house, maybe cut contact with anyone with links to him too? is there any chance one of the kids has misplaced loyalty to him?

remember you got out. the stats show only a few do. you should be so proud of yourself. see the doctor, get the assistance/help you need. you've been through so much time to take care of yourself now.

Notavictimbutasurvivor · 06/10/2016 15:06

He's getting the number from my children. I found lad night that they had a secret sim that he would ring them on every night.

I've taken all the kids devices off them. They miss and love their dad, I understand that but it's still upsetting that they divulge things about me.

OP posts:
Liiinoo · 06/10/2016 15:07

You sound incredibly brave. You have been though a lot,ma whole lifetime of abuse and it will take time to get back to full strength so don't rush yourself. Self care must be your priority now and allowing yourself time to grieve for the baby he took from you. Gradually you will build the life you want for you and your family.

I am sure the refuge will be able to point you towards appropriate counselling as will your GP.

Well done again. Flowers

SukeyTakeItOffAgain · 06/10/2016 15:08

You didn't murder your baby OP. He made you get an abortion. It is so absolutely not the same thing. He deserves to be locked up for many years for everything he chose to do.

You are very strong, but you are allowed to have a wobble. There are people to help you. You and your children deserve a nice life Flowers

Onnapostit · 06/10/2016 15:34

Well done you brave brave lady.

Flowers
ditzychick34 · 06/10/2016 15:57

Well done and good luck

RaspberryOverloadTheFirst · 06/10/2016 18:02

Good luck to you. Thanks

Notavictimbutasurvivor · 07/10/2016 17:55

Really struggling today. It takes me all of my strength to actually get out of bed.

I feel like everyone is shouting at me and making my decisions for me. It's like the walls are closing in on me and all I want to do is to go in the morning doke if nowhere and cry and scream until I lose my voice.

My 10 year old keeps telling me it's my fault her dad is in prison. I wound him up to make him hurt me.

This is the bile he has been feeding my kids. How can I wind someone up so bad that they rape me? Or kidnap me and beat me so bad until I piss myself?

I hate my life.

OP posts:
DoveBlue · 07/10/2016 18:04

I have no idea what to say you have been through so much.

Your kids are taking it out on you because you are there, because they know you will always love them. Please try not to take it to heart. They are just processing it.

I do not know your other threads but it sounds horrific. You have done so well to get out. Please just think of this as a small set back on your journey to real freedom. You have had to be so strong please don't stop now. You are on the final stretch.

Sending you loads of possitive and strong thoughts Flowers

HKHKHR · 07/10/2016 18:11

Well done! Keep strong. Be proud of yourself FlowersChocolateWineBrewCake

Notavictimbutasurvivor · 07/10/2016 18:19

What if the jury don't believe me? A lot of people turn their backs on me in the village where I'm from and call me a grass.

I just can't take it anymore.

OP posts:
Lynnm63 · 07/10/2016 18:19

I have no words to help. Hopefully your kids will get help to come to terms with this. They are taking it out on you because you are there.
You can come on here to rant and scream. Flowers and unmumsnetty hugs

klassy · 07/10/2016 18:20

One day they'll understand, really. I'm so sorry they're taking it out on you now though, and so sorry for your loss too. Flowers

Lynnm63 · 07/10/2016 18:24

We believe you, I'm sure there are medical exports showing what he's done and reports from police officers etc it won't be just your word against his. If it's going to court you've jumped through all the CPS hoops as well. Some people are small minded cunts don't let them win.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 07/10/2016 19:03

We believe you.

I believe you.

I can feel your fear and hurt and desperation coming out from your posts.

I can also feel your overwhelming exhaustion Flowers

The pain of your children saying the cruel lies they're being fed. That must be so, so, bad.

I hope you can feel how much people on here care, and how much posters want to support you. It's not going to make it better, but maybe it will help a tiny bit... Like we're jumping on the other side of that set of scales, nudging the scales up again to be in your favour. Your sick, evil bastard partner is weighing down the other side, and his cruelty is such a heavy thing to hear. But it won't be forever, and he won't be able to recruit others to join him forever. Bit by bit the scales will change, and bit by bit you'll get through this.

Don't think about all the stuff that's happening or could be done to you. Think about each moment as it comes, one step at a time, one moment by one moment, you'll get through it, there is an end to this eventually. There wouldn't be an end in sight without you taking this step towards ending his abuse towards you. Something it was so hard to do, something that shows you as the courageous and amazing woman that you are.

It's ok to collapse sometimes. It's ok to feel like you can't carry on. And it's ok to say 'this is too much'. It's too much to expect yourself to be a ruddy superhero all the time. But remember that this feeling won't last, and you'll be able to carry on a bit more tomorrow, or just let stuff happen around you, let the police and support workers etc do their jobs and be swept along in the right direction for a little bit.

Personally I hate it when people say 'you're so strong' when I want to reply 'no I'm bloody not I just have no choice...', but... You are strong just being able to breathe, being able to get through that minute that you just lived through reading this!

Sometimes, just respiring is enough.

StillSmallVoice · 07/10/2016 19:23

I believe you too. Is there anyone who could look after the kids for a day or two to give you a break? Do you have any support in RL? If not, remember we are all here for you. Flowers