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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to go to godsons birthday?

15 replies

Percyp1g · 05/10/2016 09:13

My "godson" (not official, mum just decided one day) is turning 5 at the weekend and he is having a typical kiddies party at the local soft play. His mum, my old school friend, expects me to go but I don't think it's my scene- I am an unmarried, happily childless person who lives well over a 2 hour drive away. I didn't attend his party last year and mum was very upset and angry with me. I used to always go when he was younger as there would be lots of adults and family there too. Godson won't miss me and I'll send a prezzie in the post... Is this really so unreasonable of me to not want to go? How to I let them down gently?

OP posts:

RaeSkywalker · 05/10/2016 09:20

YANBU. 2 hours away!!

I'd probably go and make myself really useful so I didn't have time to feel awkward, just to keep the peace. Don't go if you don't want to though.

Seeline · 05/10/2016 09:20

Just tell them you can't make it, but suggest a get-together another time to celebrate with just you and them? Presumably it's not his actual birthday, so it won't really matter if you go at another time.

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 05/10/2016 09:21

I wouldn't go to a party 2hrs away and I have a child.
YANBU. Just say you can't make it

EdmundCleverClogs · 05/10/2016 09:29

No, yanbu! I can't imagine a worse way to spend a free weekend, especially when the child is in no way related to you. Just say you're unavailable and the present's in the post. The mum has no right to demand your (or anyone's) attendance.

Original poster

Percyp1g · 05/10/2016 09:48

Thank you for your thoughts mumsnetters. I think she expects me to go because although it's far away its my hometown and I have my own ties there. We rarely see each other (my view is that we've grown apart, her view is that it's just distance). It doesn't help that I'm quite blunt when it comes to things like this- I'd always give honest reasons why I won't be going, rather than make a nicer sounding excuse, but I understand now that this can be hurtful.

OP posts:

Original poster

Percyp1g · 05/10/2016 09:50

So thank you- I will make my excuses and see them when I'm next down in a few weeks time.

OP posts:

BathshebaDarkstone · 05/10/2016 09:54

You'd be bored without any DC to wrangle. YANBU.

acasualobserver · 05/10/2016 09:55

You'll have more fun if you take him out on his own for a treat another time. And he'll remember that more than you being in the background at his birthday party.

JosephineMaynard · 05/10/2016 10:01

YANBU, but personally, I'd make up some excuse about prior commitments rather than being brutally honest about not wanting to go to a soft play party where you won't get a chance to properly see friend and godson.

StarryIllusion · 05/10/2016 10:04

Of course you are going, he is your godson. You wouldn't dream of missing it. There is a horrendous stomach bug going around, you know, eruptions from both ends. Disgusting and extremely contagious.

Sancia · 05/10/2016 10:07

If you're not religious the whole 'godson' malarkey seems like insisting another random person in your life has to bestow your little darling with presents, money and whatever else they insist you give them because 'godson'.

It's total nonsense. Like you say, it's not even 'official' so she basically said to you one day "You're his godmother, now buy him shit and come to soft plays."

Ick.

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 05/10/2016 10:11

I don't understand how he can be your Godson just on his Mum's say so. To be your Godson you need to have attended his baptism and made various promises during the ceremony. The only adults I would expect to see at this type of party is the parents of children who are attending.

loobyloo1234 · 05/10/2016 10:21

I am 'officially' godmother to my school friends DD. I try to get out of these things also as I have no children ... so YANBU ... BUT I wouldn't be brutally honest. You can be polite and decline, no need to be harsh

EdmundCleverClogs · 05/10/2016 10:25

To be fair, 'godchild' can be an interchangeable term. Many people these days have more than religious ceremonies for their children. One of my oldest friends is someone I expect (by that, I don't mean demand!) to be a heavy influence in my child(rens) life. They call themselves a godparent, it's just a role they define themselves in, it was not imposed on them. No, it's not entirely correct - then again, millions of people manage to celebrate Christmas without being remotely Christian. It's never ok to 'honour ()' someone with a title, then expect them to bend over backwards and spend money on their child, as seems to be the OP's case.

Original poster

Percyp1g · 05/10/2016 10:31

Yes, I think the whole godson thing is a bit ridiculous too. She is not religious at all and neither am I. I really don't see myself as a great friend- I have never really been there that much from the start. Even before she was pregnant we would rarely see each other more than once every couple of months, ( I moved away to uni, never returned) so the whole godson thing was a bit out of the blue. Still, i care about them both a lot and I'm grateful she wants me in his life.

OP posts:

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