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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to rearrange to suit dps family?

30 replies

MusicalChairsOh · 04/10/2016 15:45

I'll try to be as to the point as possible.

Me, dp , ds1 (2 yrs old) and ds2 (8 months old) are going on holiday on Saturday for a week, paid for by and going with my parents. This has been arranged for just under a year.

Dps family live 20 minutes away from where we are staying which is why the location was chosen.

Due to lack of space at dps family's, he and ds1 are going to stay the night Sunday and Monday to spend quality time. He wanted to go on Saturday but I thought travelling and unpacking and then going off again somewhere else would be a bit much for us all and wanted to settle in first....considering we aren't allowed in the holiday house until earliest 3pm. The journey will be 4 hours not including travel breaks.

Dp told me last night his grandparents will all be there on the Saturday and they are leaving on Sunday so he needs to go on Saturday. Asked him if they could come to us that evening as it's only 20 minutes away but dps family have said it's too much hassle for them all to come to us.

MIL wants us all to go on Saturday and for dp to stay Saturday and Sunday with ds1.

Feel like I can't say no now. Even though dp had already told MIL I didn't want to do that.

It was a holiday for us and now feels like it's being controlled by dps family even though my family have kindly paid for it all.

AIBU to stick to my guns and say no to Saturday or should I just go and accept I'm being dramatic and unreasonable?

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 04/10/2016 15:56

YANBU but maybe you could be a bit flexible. Go over for an hour on Sat or Sunday morning just to see GP?

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 · 04/10/2016 16:02

So it's OK for you to change your plans with a child but too much hassle for adults to go to you!!??
Sod that.
Your holiday your choice.
Tell them ah well if you change your minds you know where we are.

BaronessBomburst · 04/10/2016 16:04

Would it really be so terrible to stick your nose in for an hour or so on the Saturday so DGPs can see the children? If they live four hours away it's not going to happen so often. The holiday starts properly on Sunday anyway, if you're travelling down on Saturday. You'll still have plenty of time to spend with your parents/ to unwind.

BaronessBomburst · 04/10/2016 16:06

BeardedDragon depends how many people are in DP's family really, and if they will all fit in the holiday let with the OP's parents. An 8 month old is fairly portable.

leopardchanges · 04/10/2016 16:07

What about leaving a bit earlier on Sat - or arriving at holiday place an hour later and popping in to see them before getting to holiday place. It's not ideal, but it would be an easy way to also not stay for long as you need to get to the other place because your parents are waiting/kids need settling/you need to unpack.

YANBU

buckyou · 04/10/2016 16:08

I would just go. At least if you go to theirs they wont make a mess at your cottage and you wont have to worry about having supplies in on the first day.

Original poster
MusicalChairsOh · 04/10/2016 16:09

I just wanted a bit less of a chaotic first day after travelling. You have given me an idea though. Could always try get up there earlier and go there first. That may be a compromise.

OP posts:
Original poster
MusicalChairsOh · 04/10/2016 16:10

leopard cross posted. I'll see if that idea would be accepted.

OP posts:
SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 04/10/2016 16:12

If it's only 20 minutes away, it's hardly going to be that much of an upheaval and you get to see more family.

callmeadoctor · 04/10/2016 16:14

You go up to cottage as arranged, then your DH takes kids to his mums, while you relax, luxurious soak in bath, bed and tv remote to yourself Grin

PotteringAlong · 04/10/2016 16:18

You're making a mountain out of a molehill about this. It's just shifting the days a bit.

Original poster
MusicalChairsOh · 04/10/2016 16:27

I was wary I was being unnecessarily awkward about it all. Will speak with dp later and see what he thinks about going earlier.

OP posts:
Iguessyourestuckwithme · 04/10/2016 16:31

You all arrive at the house for 3ish - DH then takes the 2 kids over to the grandparents and you unpack/have a glass of wine; he brings both boys home for 7 and you all have a takeaway while the boys sleep. The next day DH and DS1 decamp to the inlaws after breakfast,

Original poster
MusicalChairsOh · 04/10/2016 16:35

Iguess dp doesn't drive unfortunately...!

OP posts:
AmeliaJack · 04/10/2016 16:36

I don't think you are being awkward about it my DH's family gave a little bit of a habit of asking us to rearrange our plans to suit them. Sometimes we do, sometimes we say no.

I find that compromise where you can is ideal.

I'd try to leave early on Saturday morning and meet DPs family for lunch. Have lunch and allow the kids a run around for a few hours with the Grandparents and Hreat Grandparents and then leave at 3:30pm to get into your accommodation. There's no need to stay the night surely?

mouldycheesefan · 04/10/2016 16:41

What is it you are being asked to rearrange? If you don't want to go, let him take the kids whilst you unpack. If they come to you, it will be you offering refreshments etc which is more work.
I can't see that their suggestion is unreasonable.
Why are people staying the night at your in laws? Don't understand that bit

mouldycheesefan · 04/10/2016 16:42

Or go to theirs whilst you wait for access to the holiday house for a couple hours.

Inertia · 04/10/2016 16:44

I'd go with setting off super-early on Saturday, arriving at in-laws at 11ish, spending 3-4 hours there then checking in at the holiday accommodation- you can't stay later as you need to check in.You can then enjoy the rest of your holiday without traipsing back and forth.

DeathStare · 04/10/2016 16:46

It's one day not the whole holiday and it's understandable that your DPs grandparents would want to see you all. Nobody is being unreasonable. I can get that it might be a bit more hassle than you wanted, but I'd just go. There's more to be gained from doing it than lost.

Pick your battles!

Pineapplemilkshake · 04/10/2016 16:47

Could you all meet at a restaurant half way for dinner - that way nobody is being inconvenienced more than others and you don't have to worry about cooking on the Saturday after your journey?

Actually, sod that. I'd just send DP with the kids while you relax. It would annoy me having to spend the first night of my holiday visiting people. Though I wouldn't arrange a holiday near PIL for that reason Grin

Sunshineonacloudyday · 04/10/2016 17:07

Your dp wants to go.

DinosaursRoar · 04/10/2016 17:13

I also would go with the trying to arrive early, go straight to PILs for lunch, then to holiday accomodation to stay over.

Original poster
MusicalChairsOh · 04/10/2016 17:25

Spoke with dp. We will go earlier than planned, he's now told me his family had in their minds that they were going to do a buffet for all of us that day. I just wish he would have told me earlier that they had planned this so I didn't have to seem like an ungrateful snowflake :|

OP posts:
girlywhirly · 04/10/2016 18:02

I'd go with getting set off early and all go straight to PIL. They can see all of you, have the buffet etc then you can all leave for the holiday accommodation. Pack a hold all with things you will need for the DC bedtime in case you are a bit late getting there and you can get them ready without having to search through the cases for everything. You can then unpack at a more leisurely pace. I don't see the need for DP and DS1 to have quality time away from you immediately. Maybe later on in the week. DP's grandparents will have seen both of you and their greatgrandchildren so you will have compromised enough.

callmeadoctor · 04/10/2016 19:34

Your DP doesn't drive!!!!!Shock