Aibu to think some people just don't cope out in the world?

[woahtherenow]

I have always felt like the world is a confusing and scary place. I have managed 30 odd years of life, went to uni and married and had 6 children.

But I still feel like that. I don't cope in the world.
I have never managed to keep a job, even working for dh I failed and ended up having so much anxiety he pretty much begged me to stay home as I was getting so anxious I was scratching myself raw without even noticing.

I cope well in the day in the house I am happy I get on with things but in the evening I don't know why but I just collapse I have my routine of snuggling under my duvet and reading (I read a lot) or browsing my phone but often I'm fighting off panic attacks etc. I feel totally fine until 6-7 then for some reason it changes. The thought of an evening out fills me with horror.

I overthink things and panic about everything - o wish I could just collapse on the floor and say help meeee!!!

I take flouxitene which has helped a little.

BUT

Aibu to think that actually since I have been like this my whole life maybe some people just don't cope?

I should add that I sound pathetic here but in real life I manage to put on a pretty good front - which is why I'm thinking maybe a lot of other people to too.

I got my autism diagnosis following my daughter's diagnosis. It was watching her assessment that made me realise that I was the same.

I think there are many people who find the outside world a difficult place, to varying degrees. A friend of mine was afraid for many years to stay away from home at night and would even drive back three hours late after a football match to avoid staying anywhere. A nephew has Aspergers and anything not part of a routine troubles him. Two examples, one recognised, one not so.

I'm struggling at being grown up. Ive no idea how to do so many things and I'm supposed to be highly intelligent. I struggle with so much day to day that I winder what part of me doesn't function that functions in others. It's not just you.

I came on the thread to say get assessed for ASD. Causes horrendous anxiety. OP

I have been in this kind of condition at various points of my adult life. I don't have ASD, but I have suffered from various neurotic MH conditions. Have now been fully functioning and dare I say, really happy, for several years, due to a combination of CBT, mindfulness meditation, medication and exercise. I would recommend two books 'The Happiness Trap' and 'Mindfulness: a Practical Guide to Finding Peace in a Frantic World'. Don't give up, OP.

OP you are completely right and I don't think what you are describing is that uncommon.

I just have to think of some of my family members and friends to think of people with various mh issues or neurological conditions or addiction who are in a similar situation.

Ironically I think in many ways, and you may mot agree, women have it somewhat easier in this regard. Traditional gender roles mean that often they can retreat back into a sahp role with much less social pressure to get jobs and 'provide' and for many this is an answer of sorts and for them they can fully participate and contribute. Sadly 3 of the men I am thinking of have taken their life or attempted to do so because the extremely damaging gender stereotypes have meant they had no real refuge as they were expected to more or less be stoic and just get on with things when they simply could not manage. But maybe I am projecting.

Lots of people feel like you op, knowing How you 'should' feel/think/behave but struggling with your actual experience of life. Have you tried seeing a therapist at all? Not necessarily just to talk about it - although that's pretty liberating - but to start to connect the dots of what you want and how things are? It's game changing when you find the right person.

I think it's true that some people do find life harder than others. Since I had DS2, I have had episodes of acute anxiety and it's really horrible. I have come to an arrangement with my GP that I have a small supply of Diazepam every month - I usually use it on about 5 days per month. It annoys me that, within psychiatry, anxiety is viewed as a 'minor' illness. Extreme anxiety can be completely debilitating. OP, I would second having CBT and looking into an ASD assessment as life does sound a struggle for you and there may well be ways of making it easier.
And all this 'some of us don't have a choice, we have bills to pay etc', good for you that you don't have a disability which stops you from working or makes it very difficult. The last figures that I heard were that 8% of people with schizophrenia have a job. Do you think that's because it's an extremely debilitating condition, or because they're all lazy fuckers?

You don't sound pathetic at all OP.

You sound as though you battling with something as yet un-named.

The op didn't say most people don't cope she said some people don't and that is true. I know of several people who have struggled living out on their own and have ended up back with parents, never started a family, stayed in a job beneath their abilities. Asd for example didn't just begin to recently exist, people learned their own coping mechanisms, and got on in the world dependent on the success of those coping mechanisms.

I feel like you op. I am currently a sahm and it is the 'safest' and least anxious I have ever felt despite the financial strain etc. I have successfully held down a job, and even done a degree at the same time, but it took a huge toll on me mentally and physically, and I found it very hard to focus on social stuff and would not have managed to cope with the demands of a family as well.

The only way I can describe it is that none of it comes naturally to me. I am a hard worker, but it feels like all the small talk and organisational stuff that comes with a job takes more effort than the job itself. Consequently I have always worked in jobs below my qualifications to ease the burden somewhere, and probably will again.

It does sound like you need more help with your anxiety, and to find some space for yourself in the week where you are not under any pressure from other people, to acclimatise to being out and about on your own terms. Agoraphobia can overwhelm you if you let it take hold.

OP but you are saying that you find it difficult to hold down a job and parent six children, which includes a baby and a child with additional needs who you home educate.

I don't many people who could cope with that. I think that's entirely different from being single and having a job.

However you do sound like you have anxiety and you should seek help for that.

I have a child with ASD and I have been offered counselling because that alone is seen as stressful above average everyday life.

And yes, what she said ^

... another voice saying have a look at ASD (autistic spectrum disorder) particularly 'late diagnosis in women'. I was over 50 btw.

No words of wisdom for you OP, but yes, I feel like this too. Don't think I'm ASD, more some bad life experiences of being repeatedly bullied has left me wanting to stay in places & roles that feel safe. I loved being a SAHM, I was good at it and kids don't verbally abuse you, they think you're lovely. I'm trying to be back at work now, but finding the aggressive tone of most worksites really hard to handle.

So it's far from just you. Many people find it hard to adult. Personally I think the world needs us softer souls.