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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to borrow the money for a holiday?

55 replies

OlivesOnPizza · 03/10/2016 18:31

Despite my years on MN this is the first AIBU I have started hard hat is firmly in place

I'll be as brief as I can.

I was made redundant in June. With my payout I paid off my debts except the mortgage I didn't have many, took some time off to spend the summer with DCs and put a good sum of money in the bank as savings.

Now I have a written job offer, I start next month. Aside from the Christmas break I won't be able to take any holiday time off until spring at the earliest, I know this and I'm fine with it. Their Christmas break will give me 10 days off anyway.

I met my boyfriend 6 months ago, we didn't go away together over the summer because it was early days in our relationship and we both wanted to spend time and go on holiday with our own children.

My boyfriend says he would like the two of us to go on holiday together, somewhere hot, before I start my new job as we won't be able to get away together for months after that.

The holiday is a great idea but I have been living frugally post-redundancy as I didn't know when my next job would happen and I want to avoid dipping into the capital I have for luxuries, I think of it as emergency money.

My boyfriend has said he will lend me the money for the holiday, I know this is generous but it has been a huge relief to be debt-free and I don't want to get into debt to him or anyone else, especially as I won't receive my first wages from the new job until the end of November so that will be earmarked for Christmas.

For his part, my boyfriend knows all of this and is easy about me paying back the money in instalments or as a lump sum whenever I have it. He just wants to go on holiday with me while we have the chance.

My judgement is possibly impaired by my EA ex H we split 10 years ago who would have used any loan, even though we were married, as a weapon against me.

AIBU to not want to borrow the money?
WWYD?

OP posts:
deadpool99 · 03/10/2016 18:35

Don't borrow the money if it makes you uncomfortable. I would be the same in your position. Expecting you to go on hol when u don't know when you're going to get next job is not nice.

Original poster
OlivesOnPizza · 03/10/2016 18:41

I do have another job, I start in early November so I will have a wage coming in but I won't be paid until late in November and, as I say that money will be earmarked for Christmas. My boyfriend knows this.

OP posts:
SpeckledyBanana · 03/10/2016 18:43

YANBU.

ImperialBlether · 03/10/2016 18:45

What proportion of your savings would the holiday be?

Landoni112 · 03/10/2016 18:46

I get where you are coming from, but you do have a job lined up and loads of time off. If you can cover your bills and would actually like to go on holiday then I think you should go, life is for living!

ChaChaChaCh4nges · 03/10/2016 18:49

Actually, in your place (and depending on how much you have in savings and how pricey the holiday is), I'd go on holiday with BF.

nancyblackett80 · 03/10/2016 18:49

YANBU but I do appreciate your boyfriends POV. The thing is, him lending you money means a whole backstory of history and anxiety to you. To him it means you can go on a nice holiday before you get super busy. And that's it. No EA, no emotional blackmail, no strings, just a holiday...

So, if you do say no after all, be aware of his feelings too x

nancyblackett80 · 03/10/2016 18:50

Actually I'd go on the holiday too, and enjoy it, sounds like you've had a long year!

newmumwithquestions · 03/10/2016 18:51

Well done for getting another job sorted.

Now that you have the security that wages will be coming in Id be inclined to go on holiday! I understand your apprehension about borrowing but couldn't you use some of your own money in the bank? Unless I've misunderstood that was from your redundancy payout in lieu of wages. If you hadn't been made redundant would you have used some of your wages to go on holiday? If yes why not use some of the redundancy payment?

Whatsername17 · 03/10/2016 18:51

If you don't want to, do not do it. Book a holiday for your 1 year anniversary instead.

deadpool99 · 03/10/2016 19:02

Op sorry I realised that you had job after I posted. Still think you should not go if you have ear marked your earnings. He should respect your feelings and that you have to budget. If he gets humpy about it, then better to know now than later.

QuiteLikely5 · 03/10/2016 19:06

I'd go on the holiday! You might die next month!

YellowDinosaur · 03/10/2016 19:10

How abouy you go on the holiday but borrow the money from your own savings instead? This way you won't have any pressure hanging over you or potentially making things awkward with your boyfriend, and you can repay your savings after Christmas (I'm assuming the holiday wouldn't use all your redundancy money)

PhoebeGeebee · 03/10/2016 19:11

The real question is how much of your savings would go on the holiday? If, for example, you had £10k and the holiday would be £1k, leaving you a decent amount still, then YABU. If it's closer to £3k then I'd be a bit more apprehensive.

Also, what would be the point in borrowing money if you already have it in the bank??

PhoebeGeebee · 03/10/2016 19:12

As in, if your savings are closer to £3k, not the holiday!

Arfarfanarf · 03/10/2016 19:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
OlivesOnPizza · 03/10/2016 19:16

A split reaction? Interesting! I thought you would all go one way or another. Thank you for your thoughts so far.

Apologies if this seems like a dripfeed but I thought my OP was long enough!
He called me during his lunch break today, we talked about it and he suggested that we could just spend the week together instead, maybe a weekend away, visit friends, lie in bed all day, visit local places we've been talking about.
I'm seeing him tomorrow night and we've agreed to talk about it properly then.

The holiday and therefore the money he would lend me would cost about £700 all in.
I have £7000 in the bank. I know I can easily afford to just pay for it but since I was made redundant and we talked about it all through the process I was clear that it was for emergencies only.

I am aware of my precarious financial position as a single parent and I'm not sure whether the new job will really be a good fit for me so I want to keep my emergency fund.

OP posts:
deadpool99 · 03/10/2016 19:22

Sounds like he's willing to compromise so that's great Smile

PhoebeGeebee · 03/10/2016 19:33

I like the idea of paying yourself back - could you afford £100 a month from your wages back into your savings?

Stay cation is a nice idea but I bet it'll end up costing you close to the same!

CalleighDoodle · 03/10/2016 19:47

Bordow from yourself. Go on the holiday.

crikey81 · 03/10/2016 19:53

Appreciate he probably doesn't know the financial situation but I think I'd conclude that if someone had 7k in the bank and a a job offer lined up but didn't want to spend 700 pounds on a holiday I'd think they were just looking for excuses not to go.

MoonStar07 · 03/10/2016 19:55

Go on holiday!! Life is way to short! Congrats on the new job. I think either do the big trip and borrow from yourself or do the staycation. But I would do the big trip and enjoy! You've had a tough time recently and about to start a new job. Enjoy it

CwtchesAndCuddles · 03/10/2016 19:57

I'm from the save up don't borrow school of thought but I think you are being a bit unreasonable here. You could easily spare £700 of your savings for a lovely holiday and replace the savings in a short time.

Life is short, live it well!

XiCi · 03/10/2016 20:10

I don't know why you're even wavering to he honest. Is there some other reason you don't want to go on holiday with him? I also think that borrowing the holiday money from him when you have 7k in the bank is a bit of a piss take. You have a decent amount of savings and a job lined up with a salary coming in from next month. If the jobs not a good fit then you are earning whilst looking for another one. As others have said, life's short. Go and enjoy yourself.

Original poster
OlivesOnPizza · 03/10/2016 20:13

Crikey Crikey Smile
I'm not looking for excuses not to go, I'd love a holiday.

Yes deadpool he is willing to compromise, he's lovely really and I'm probably just being a cah

DCs and I have been completely reliant on the steadiness of my income for years.
ExH earns a lot but then he job hops so maintenance payments are erratic. I've been the stability, losing my job really shook me and I suppose it's panicked me into being ultra cautious.

My boyfriend does know how much I've got in the bank, he was with me throughout the redundancy process and he was my sounding board so he knows the ins and outs of everything. There seemed little point in lying and I wanted his honest advice. He was great about it.

OP posts: