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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you be upset by what I say?

130 replies

glass22 · 02/10/2016 11:46

I've name changed because I feel I'm in enough trouble and worry myself about everything.

I work in a primary school and give first aid regularly. A complaint has been made by another member of staff that I keep threatening to chop children's arms & legs off!!!!

When a child comes to me bleeding and crying I try not to draw to much attention to the injury whilst patching them up, talking about all sorts and it seems to calm them. I have on occasion joked "we will have to chop it off, what do you think?" This is absolutely said in jest and in a very light hearted way. Out of context it sounds horrific but this couldn't be further from the truth. I've never had a child upset by the comment and in fact most of them burst into laughter.

I can understand why it was mentioned to me but I think the complaint from the member of staff was made maliciously because she has unknown issues with me.

I'm now uncomfortable around the children and very aware of everything I say and do for fear of it being taken out of context.

OP posts:
jennielou75 · 02/10/2016 15:59

I'm a teacher and I say the same thing as it really calms them down. I then complain saying no-one lets me chop anything off and they usually say go on then! We know the difference between a potentially serious injury and a scrape that needs a wipe and fresh air. I have worked in 5 schools and it has been said in all of them by different people. If we were to take all the jokes and fibs out of school we would have sad children and staff.

heavenlypink · 02/10/2016 16:05

I say the same glass22 along with "You'll live" and "You'll be fine, if it falls off longer I'll pick it up and sew it back on" I can't believe the head has taken it so seriously!!!

jennielou75 · 02/10/2016 16:08

Oops also just remembered the time when I asked a child if they said sorry to the wall when they hit it with their knee! Also have told the playground off for scraping a child's knee.......and wrote letters to the tooth fairy about lost teeth....

Word of warning if Head has long term relationship with someone its not worth the hassle of bringing this up again, you could be risking your happiness and maybe job. Just be reassured that your behaviour has not been damaging to the children and move on.

FatherSpodoKomodo · 02/10/2016 16:13

I used to be a TA and am also a Beaver leader and I say it all the time. At Beavers we even have a stash of axes that the scouts use so I offer to go and get one. Usually it gets them up and laughing. I know which ones I can say it to - and I don't say it till I know the child well enough.

I have one who takes everything literally, I think he finally realised I'm not going to chop anything off now. Wink

originalmavis · 02/10/2016 16:14

I'm always threatening to chop off ds's fingers when he bites his nails, followed by me best Lola (Charlie + Lola) impression 'them how will you pick your nose/scratch your bum?'.

I also offer to 'chop yer 'ed off' when he is being cheeky or for some minor misdemeanor.

YouTheCat · 02/10/2016 16:17

I regularly offer to chop off limbs.

We also have very stern words with naughty tree roots that trip the poor children up on purpose .

And if the little ones are being boisterous, I tell them I'll turn them upside down and tickle them.

They find it all hilarious. You can pretty much always tell which children might be more sensitive and so I treat them accordingly.

junebirthdaygirl · 02/10/2016 16:31

Hear staff saying that in my school everyday. Have to say as it was never a part of my childhood l was a bit shocked in the beginning but the children always laugh.
Thinking about your colleague did you get a promotion she applied for ie come in over her head as l have seen staff give the cold shoulder for that even though hardly the new persons fault. I have found staffrooms notoriously difficult for people holding grudges although we would not let the children away with such petty behaviour.

CauliflowerSqueeze · 02/10/2016 16:35

Really ridiculous. You say it to make the child laugh a little and take away from the worry. I sometimes say "do I need to operate?" as well.

That woman is being malicious and ridiculous.

Memoires · 02/10/2016 16:46

I've said it dh and dd, neither took me seriously. As said upthread, it's using hyperbole to make the child laugh and lighten the atmosphere. Children aren't stupid and most of them will not take it literally and understand that it's a joke.

RortyCrankle · 02/10/2016 17:00

How totally ludicrous - if the children laugh in response what the hell is the problem. When i fell and broke my hip in the garden one of the ambulance men picked up the hedge shears and offered to chop my leg off - it made me laugh when I least felt like it.

Atenco · 02/10/2016 17:05

Don't we all say that? I don't know if I am more surprised at the member of staff or your head passing on the complaint.

Obviously if you were have upset a particularly sensitive child with that comment, she should have spoken to you about it. But that doesn't seem to be case.

RichardBucket · 02/10/2016 17:09

YANBU. This is a standard reply in our family ("My foot hurts." "Should I chop it off?") and many other families too.

Whoever complained should have spoken to you as well. Some things should be officially reported, others should not.

KC225 · 02/10/2016 17:13

Say this to my children but add that we will throw the bone with the wet end over TV e wall for next door's dog.

No child and no parents are complaining. Open and shut case surely OP

Olddear · 02/10/2016 17:25

To a 4yr old with pins and needles 'right! That foot's coming off!'
To a 7yr old in the bath 'I'm going for xx, don't drown while I'm away' ( to the hall cupboard where I can still see them!) they know I'm joking and they giggle along with me! She's being nasty. It's not you, it's definately her.

TealGiraffe · 02/10/2016 18:35

Ha olddear, i said to the kids in class the other week
"Right i'm just grabbing something from (class next door), nobody die in the next 8seconds! It's too much paperwork...."

I obviously came back in to 30 8yr olds with their heads on their desks pretending to be dead........ Grin

Olddear · 02/10/2016 18:54

TealGiraffe brilliant!! Why can't we have a joke with kids?! They enjoy having fun with you! They sound like great kids btw.

Hulababy · 02/10/2016 19:03

SaturdaySurprise - I think those comments are somewhat different to the very obviously not going to be true "chop your leg off" type comment.

OP - most teachers/FAiders at school say comments like this. There are maybe 2 or 3 children in our school you wouldn't say it too, but we all know this anyway. And even then, their parents wouldn't complain nd the child wouldn't actually be distressed by the comment - they just wouldn't get why it was 'funny.'

Distraction using a silly comment often makes the 'injury' much less of an issue, ime.

TealGiraffe · 02/10/2016 19:04

They are great kids, they are at an age now when they have developed a wicked sense of humour. I think it's nice to have that kind of relationship with kids at school.

We aren't just robots there to help with times tables and spellings. We actually spend 30hrs (at least) a week with these kids, its nice to have a laugh sometime!

SusanneLinder · 02/10/2016 19:10

I said it my kids all the time. I also say it to my DGC. They find it funny, and stops them crying. In fact , DD works with children and had said it too.

SusanneLinder · 02/10/2016 19:16

TealGiraffe...Grin

bumsexatthebingo · 02/10/2016 19:17

I'm going to go against the grain here and say whether malicious or not it's probably not the best thing to say to a child who is hurt. Some may laugh but some won't - either because they think literally and are scared or just because they are actually really hurt and not really in the mood for joking because it's not funny?
I have also seen it said by parents who are minimising their childs genuine distress and telling them 'they're fine' when clearly they're actually hurt. I don't think that minimising kids distress or telling them how they feel is best practice. I would just stop saying it and comfort them tbh. I don't think arguing the toss with the head will go well for you.

Olddear · 02/10/2016 19:44

But you can comfort and joke at the same time. 'Oh dear, that looks sore, poor thing, now shall we put a plaster on that or should we just chop it off? What do you think? Let's try a plaster first!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 02/10/2016 20:34

OP, the Head is not in an invulnerable position him/herself that they could afford to let a complaint from you be escalated. If you feel able to tell them that you consider the complaint ridiculous but are happy for this to be moderated/validated by the Governors (or whomever), that should be enough to make them reign their 'special relationship' back in.

I wouldn't take this lying down because if you do, the Head/complainer will feel free to do this again, and again. You don't deserve this and you are owed a professional respect in the workplace. Stand your ground and don't let the complaint gather force without stopping it and offering to escalate it if needs be. You will get support.

======

On the plus side, I've learned lots of very useful comebacks to childish whinges for the most minor ailments so thank you, everybody! Grin

bumsexatthebingo · 02/10/2016 20:50

I don't think joking is particularly comforting. There's few times I've been really hurt that I would have appreciated people joking about it straight away while I was upset. Don't get me wrong I have seen kids who find it very funny but I've also seen it upset kids even more.

Daydream007 · 02/10/2016 21:14

That member of staff sounds pathetic. The children laughed when you made the comments not cried.