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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be upset by what I say?

130 replies

glass22 · 02/10/2016 11:46

I've name changed because I feel I'm in enough trouble and worry myself about everything.

I work in a primary school and give first aid regularly. A complaint has been made by another member of staff that I keep threatening to chop children's arms & legs off!!!!

When a child comes to me bleeding and crying I try not to draw to much attention to the injury whilst patching them up, talking about all sorts and it seems to calm them. I have on occasion joked "we will have to chop it off, what do you think?" This is absolutely said in jest and in a very light hearted way. Out of context it sounds horrific but this couldn't be further from the truth. I've never had a child upset by the comment and in fact most of them burst into laughter.

I can understand why it was mentioned to me but I think the complaint from the member of staff was made maliciously because she has unknown issues with me.

I'm now uncomfortable around the children and very aware of everything I say and do for fear of it being taken out of context.

OP posts:
cardibach · 02/10/2016 12:52

diddl I wouldn't be overly bothered but it's the sort of thing that I thought people didn't really say anymore.
I'm a bit confused by this. It presumably means you would be a tiny bit bothered - can you explain why?
Also what 'sort of thing' is this and why might it have been ok in the past but not 'anymore'?
OP YADNBU in saying it and the complainer is BVVU.

kimann · 02/10/2016 12:58

Bizarre. Why would someone complain about that?! My mum still says that to me (I'm 32 btw) and she's said that to my daughter (she's 2.5) too - my daughter finds it hilarious. When I now say I have a stomach ache my daughter says she'll chop my stomach off. GrinSome people are too precious but I suspect OP that in your case she's just being malicious and downright mean because of some issue she has against you.

ninenicknames · 02/10/2016 13:00

World gone insane!!!

I wouldn't be bothered by what you said.

TheProblemOfSusan · 02/10/2016 13:02

I think it's perfectly normal, especially as you've said you're sensitive to the sorts of kids who won't like it.

Incidentally, the kind of behaviour you've described from this woman is specifically covered by our harassment and bullying policy at work - it's not just you, she's being a snidey cow.

littleprincesssara · 02/10/2016 13:02

When I worked with kids I stopped them from running by saying things like, "Please stop because if you die I have to fill in a very boring form." Always got laughs.

Kids never mind this stuff.

2kids2dogsnosense · 02/10/2016 13:02

Agree that if they are arsey you should decline to be the first aider - what a fuss over nowt!

harderandharder2breathe · 02/10/2016 13:03

Every brownie leader I know says this. It makes them laugh

If a parent told me their child had been upset (or they became upset when I said it) I would apologise to child and parent, explain that I had meant it as a joke to make them laugh but that I obviously made a mistake as I would never want them to be hurt or upset.

MixedUpConfusion · 02/10/2016 13:03

My DS is autistic and dyspraxic and takes everything literally but even he knows that when he complains of having the tiniest scratch barely visible to the naked eye and I ask if we should call an ambulance that i'm joking and being ridiculous! Complaint will probably be laughed at. As well it should

PoldarksBreeches · 02/10/2016 13:03

A teacher said this to me once when I was tiny and I did sort of believe her...

harderandharder2breathe · 02/10/2016 13:04

Littleprincesssara I use that one all the time especially with guides or older brownies, usually when they're asking if they can do something ridiculous

RuskBaby · 02/10/2016 13:05

People have too much to complain about nowadays! My mum used to give us the option repeatedly when little.

MammouthTask · 02/10/2016 13:05

I say that to my dcs on a very regular basis.
Dc1 was absolutely fine with it.
Dc2 had to learn that I was joking and it wasn't serious (he is somewhere on the spectrum and takes everything very literally).

So I always make sure that it is VERY obvious that I am joking.
But it does take their mind of it, it makes them laugh and yes is a really good tool to have IMO.
If you have said that to dc1 or dc2, I wouldn't have had any issues at all.

As for the issue with the other member of staff... Not urge what to advise. the idea of 'getting your own back' and 'seeking revenge' is just too foreign to me.

Original poster
glass22 · 02/10/2016 13:05

As far as I'm aware no child has been made distressed in anyway by my comment and I haven't been on first aid duty since at least a month before the summer holidays. So the chances of me saying it recently are pretty low. She has zero sense of humour and thinking back to when I first worked with her I think I picked up on her not liking me saying that phrase. She didn't say anything as always but the look just got dirtier! That was almost 6 months ago.

OP posts:
Pumpkin2010 · 02/10/2016 13:07

My husband says this to my kids when they've hurt themselves, always raises a smile. I've done it myself.

YANBU.

Amethyst81 · 02/10/2016 13:07

OP YANBU, I'm sure the kids know you are joking and nurses will often use these sorts of terms to try and humour a child and distract them from pain or fear. I think you should tell your colleague to sod off and find something more important to winge about, she is being absolutely pathetic.

seashells16 · 02/10/2016 13:07

I agree it's ridiculous but please please be cautious.

Teachers can and have got in trouble over these sorts of things.

EmmaMacgill · 02/10/2016 13:12

I would say stuff like this to DS, it's a distraction and stops escalaing the upset. When he was small if he would trip or fall, before the tears would start I'd say 'Oh no, look at that big dent in the pavementShock' He'd be so busy looking for the damage he'd done to the path, he'd forget to cry!

Original poster
glass22 · 02/10/2016 13:14

MammouthTask I have no resentful feelings towards this member of staff, I'm not looking at ways to ' take revenge' or 'get my own back'. I'm perplexed by the way she treats me and a little worried about what is next. She thought she was taking revenge on me for speaking out about her which she had wrongly understood to of happened. Im told she now knows this. I wonder if she feels any guilt about this.

OP posts:
Original poster
glass22 · 02/10/2016 13:21

It's a relief to see so many of you use this phrase but the head put it to me that I should remember to speak to the pupils differently to how I talk to my own children, making it obvious he thinks that it was an inappropriate thing to say.

OP posts:
allegretto · 02/10/2016 13:31

I think it was obvious you were joking but I can remember being very scared of a teacher at infant school who told me to behave or she would cut my hands off - I really believed she would do it.

StrawberryLime · 02/10/2016 13:35

Oh, good grief. Some people really do need a sense of humour transplant.
Absolutely nothing wrong with what you said, if you're saying it lightheartedly and with a smile on your face!
Bit of "oh no, we'll have to chop it off then, what do you think?!" as a joke - fine.
Bit different if you're advancing upon said child with a chainsaw and a manic grin on your face though..... Grin

Wdigin2this · 02/10/2016 13:36

OFFS what will be the next thing we can't do/say/comment on! We've probably all sai that to a child at some point!

number277 · 02/10/2016 13:37

Completely malicious. The worlds gone mad!

Gizlotsmum · 02/10/2016 13:38

I guess it is different from a figure of authority but even so mine would find it funny. I also do the 'did you hurt.... insert whatever they hit)

DrSeuss · 02/10/2016 13:40

Wonder what she would say about me threatening to sell my kids on ebay?

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