to think that there is a lot of casual sexism against men these days?

[EmilySunshine]

maybe it is just me, maybe i am being a bit weird, but i have noticed in the past decade or so it has become very popular for women to make mildly sexist remarks about men eg. how useless they are etc. i see a lot of contempt IRL and also on TV etc from women towards their husbands, boyfriends etc. i wonder how much of it is my imagination or is this a real trend? it just seems that the way some women speak of or to their partners wouldn't be tolerated nearly so much if it were the other way round?

what is MRA? as i said, i'm new to MN and most forums of this type. and didn't you read my post where i said i have experienced oppression for being a woman? i have gone through horrific abuse since i was 2 up until i was almost 25 when i at last had the courage to escape. i am certainly not a maiden. my abusers saw to that!

i just have empathy for both sexes, we both human. we all suffer, we all make others suffer. everyone needs to be treated with compassion. and maybe you don't like my username? who cares. : )

Re your last post Op, Really? Because your posts have quite the whiff of divide and rule about them.

DustyofSkye that wasn't my intention at all. i was just asking a question out of idle curiosity. that is what AIBU is for. asking questions. it isn't a place for deep emotion about how cruel the world is to women or men. it is an emotionless discussion on an internet forum. really don't understand why people are claiming to be personally affected by it? we all, as women have experienced sexism etc. so no one has the moral high ground on here. as women we are in it together, i don't know any woman who hasn't experienced some form of sexual harassment or sexism for example? that is sad, but it is the way things are. it is wrong to imply some people on the thread have a special reason to be affected by it when it affects all of us to some degree or another. that was what i meant. have a good night

Not maiden, handmaiden.

Go and read the Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood and come back after for a discussion.

as an empath, i realise i can be too sensitive and emotional. but i really tried hard to keep emotion out of this and not be too vulnerable? i thought i was doing pretty well at that? oh well. :( i guess i will get used to MN in time? hopefully

i tried to read it but was way too disturbing for me. hit a bit too close for home. slavery etc

when i'm feeling stronger i will read it though. i do like Margaret Atwood. she is very skilled

There's no need to keep emotion out of things. There is a need, in discussion, to be able to express emotion civilly.

But the labelling of emotion as inferior and invalid and feminine is one of the ways patriarchy sidelines women's concerns (and those of many men). Emotions and feelings are valid information about a situation.

All the "empathic, we are all one stuff' is often a way of escaping the very valid, and very painful emotions a person feels after being abuse.

Some of the way you are coming across is almost like you are suffering from Stockholm Syndrome- you emphasise with your captors/oppressors as a survival mechanism. (And, historically, if you look at the levels of female abduction/bride stealing etc, it's a very important survival mechanism for women. Everyone knows about fight or flight, a lot know about freeze, and fewer about fawn as a response to potentially life threatening situations. For women, and also children, both freeze and fawn are underexplored survival mechanisms linked to different parts of the nervous system than fight/flight).

If you are an abused woman, and not an MRA, then I suggest you get some counselling and help to deal with the emotions that you feel as a result of the abuse. Even if you have already had some, these attempts to sideline emotion and rise above it all can be a really bad sign of where you really are inside.

thanks. i am applying to get help for the abuse. i was trying to keep emotion out of it because i it aggravates my PTSD/BPD issues and can lead to me doing some daft things to cope with the pain. people with BPD are often told we are too sensitive and too emotional and i thought the reason people were having a problem with my posts is because i was coming across as too angsty?

what is an MRA?

i cant think of any other reason people might have had an issue with my posts except i come across a bit hypersensitive at times? i am not used to internet yet, methinks. and the lingo.

I must say I find your "empathy and compassion for all" stance quite remarkable for someone who has suffered the abuse you have. You may have made your peace with this, but must understand that many women will not and can not.

You have steered this thread from mild sexism towards men to some pretty horrendous behaviour. Is there something you want to talk about?

Sorry, cross posted...

Male Rights Activist

People were having a problem with your posts because you were coming across an apologist for male abuse.

I have PTSD too, and really, bottling up emotion makes it worse.

Might I recommend this site for helping cope with complex PTSD caused by abuse/neglect/trauma, especially at a young age.

Basic thesis is that the extreme emotions that arise in flashbacks etc in people with PTSD are legitimate emotional responses to the abuse they have suffered, and those emotions need to be processed in order for the person to begin to heal and reclaim their life/experience as they have lived it.

It's ok to be angry because someone hurt you. What matters is how you deal with the anger. Pushing it to one side is really dealing with it Ina healthy way.

Pushing it aside is not really dealing with it in a healthy way that should have read.

It wasn't that you were too sensitive or too emotional.

It was that you were minimising the effects of male abuse of females, making female abuse of men (which does exist) equivalent to male abuse of women. It isn't. I think tbh, male abuse of men is higher than female abuse of men.

As a small,subsidiary, some people were a bit puzzled/confused/worried about how detached/unfeeling you were. It came across a bit preachy.

thanks MoominKitten. i still have a lot of confusion and self blame inside and don't know where to turn with it. my therapist tells me to not dwell on it....

You haven't really deserved some of these responses OP, I think ppl assumed it was going to be a post about how men have it so much tougher than women, and haven't necessarily read all your posts properly. Such is the nature of online forums! You will find lots of support on MN though, but maybe avoid AIBU! Posters are notoriously harsh on here.

RedBullBlood it is rare for people to lie about being abused. please do me the courtesy of believing what i am saying is true. i am a Christian and it is only through my faith that i have learned to forgive. i don't hate my abusers anymore. that part is over. in the past i was so bitter. it made me self centered. but you know i am trying to understand where the people who hurt me are coming from? they must have had their own pain? also like i said, i'm off my meds. so yeah maybe i seem a little irrational.

thanks VashtaNerada. i wasn't saying that men have it as bad as women. i was just pointing out that i don't know why there is such casual contempt for men over silly thing. i just don't see why anyone has to put anyone down? i have never understood people who think it is ok to belittle other people in a casual way, regardless of gender, race whatever? i also think the idea that pain is some kind of contest is a bit odd. i think i will avoid AIBU in future. i'm a simple minded person (not stupid but i am someone without any hidden agendas- what you see is what you get- and i think people find that odd) and i don't think debates are for me really.

I cannot see where in my post I accused you lying. I most certainly did not.

i wouldn't have minded if people had just told me " yes you are being unreasonable now shut up. this thread is stupid." it is the false accusations i cannot deal with. people expecting me to walk on eggshells around them because they believe their pain is worse. i'm not trying to put anyone down but it isn't very adult to expect others to carry your hang ups for you. apologies if i have upset anyone. good night

not lying RedBullBlood but there was an implication that i was being a men's rights activist. i had never heard the term MRA before because i'm not very right on about things. apologies if i have caused any offense. i don't want to argue. you were actually pretty decent to me really compared to AStoic, but i will live and let live. not my circus, not my monkeys.

Try relationships.

But also avoid posting on feminist chat, at least for a while. Although, to be honest, I think you might benefit a bit from lurking on some of the feminist threads a bit, too see the kind of things discussed there. Like the Handmaid's Tale, it might be difficult for you, but it would be a useful counterpoint to the don't dwell on things/don't get emotional line some of your therapeutic journey seems to have been heavy on.

By the way, RedBullBlood wasn't disbelieving you. She was just saying that just because you have gone a compassionate place to heal, don't disrespect the need of other survivors of abuse to be angry and express their anger.

If it helps, I also found compassion a useful resting place whilst healing. But equally, it wasn't the final destination. You do sound a bit like you are suppressing/sublimating anger/pain rather than dealing with it, and ther's always an unexpected bill arrives when you do that. It's fine to find a place you feel safe to stabilise, absolutely, but if you don't pay some attention to your emotions it can be very messy later on.