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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that there is a lot of casual sexism against men these days?

89 replies

EmilySunshine · 02/10/2016 01:47

maybe it is just me, maybe i am being a bit weird, but i have noticed in the past decade or so it has become very popular for women to make mildly sexist remarks about men eg. how useless they are etc. i see a lot of contempt IRL and also on TV etc from women towards their husbands, boyfriends etc. i wonder how much of it is my imagination or is this a real trend? it just seems that the way some women speak of or to their partners wouldn't be tolerated nearly so much if it were the other way round?

OP posts:
Original poster
EmilySunshine · 02/10/2016 02:30

i'm just idly curious, that's all. i don't sleep very well and i'm just musing about all sorts of randomness. i came off mood stabiliser meds three weeks ago and my brain is adjusting

OP posts:
YouAreMyRain · 02/10/2016 02:32

May I present "Aren't Men Daft?" from the culturally iconic "That's Life" magazine. On first glance it appears to be a lighthearted piss take of how useless men can be (sexist!) however further study shows that the areas of "daftness" exhibited by these men are almost exclusively those regarded as low importance and low value, i.e. Domestic stuff traditionally seen as Women's stuff (putting the toilet roll in the wrong place) which men can afford to be crap at because they don't need to know how to do it because women are socialised to silently do all that stuff without any recognition

Original poster
EmilySunshine · 02/10/2016 02:32

i guess i DO feel strongly about "why can't we all be understanding to one another and not put anyone down??" i realise that maybe isn't unrealistic, i just feel we (and i include myself here) make all kinds of divisions between people, forgetting we are all human anyway and none of us get it right all the time!

OP posts:
YappyYapster · 02/10/2016 02:34

Men kill, rape and beat women in overwhelming numbers. Women rarely kill or beat or sexually abuse men. That's why it's a completely different kettle of fish for women to joke about harming men, because in comparison to men on women crime, women on men crime is vanishingly rare.

A1Sharon · 02/10/2016 02:35

My DH gripes about cleaning ads on tv, husband tries to clean bathroom, he is so useless Ho Ho , wife appears with wonder wipe! Tee hee, what a lark, now bathroom is clean.
I get where he is coming from, but the facts show the ad is right.
Women do 2/3 of the housework even if they are the main breadwinner.
The fact is that the facts show most men are a bit shite when it comes to pulling their weight at home. I agree with previous poster, they've brought it on themselves.

A1Sharon · 02/10/2016 02:36

I agree with Lweji actually.

Original poster
EmilySunshine · 02/10/2016 02:41

YappyYapster not all abuse is physical though, it can be emotional and verbal and yes, the scars can be every bit as bad. i am sure women are just as capable of being emotionally abusive and cold as men are. because that kind of abuse isn't about physical strength or male aggression.

OP posts:
DoctorTwo · 02/10/2016 02:41

Not noticed it meself. But then I don't go out of my way to get outraged about it.

Original poster
EmilySunshine · 02/10/2016 02:42

and it still doesn't explain the weird attitude people have towards underage boys who have been assaulted sexually by female teachers. i realise that wasn't what i started off referring to in my OP but my brain has led me here. so there. :)

OP posts:
TheStoic · 02/10/2016 02:47

and it still doesn't explain the weird attitude people have towards underage boys who have been assaulted sexually by female teachers.

I think you'll find that 'weird attitude' comes predominantly from other males.

TotallyOuting · 02/10/2016 02:49

YappyYapster not all abuse is physical though, it can be emotional and verbal and yes, the scars can be every bit as bad.

Excellent strawman. You brought up woman-on-man vs man-on-woman violent statements. Yappy has given you the answer (one I incidentally thought about posting on another thread the other day).

RedBullBlood · 02/10/2016 02:53

Your original point was that it seems acceptable for women to make sexist remarks about men, Emily. But in the story about the female teacher preying on a young boy you say it is boys who think it's ok, not sexist women. And the 'people' with the 'weird attitude', do you mean sexist women? Because it seems to me that a lot of men think very differently about that issue than say, most of the women I know.
I find that, among the men I know, they are quite quick to point out sexism against men. An ad showing some dim bloke unable to work a washing machine would cause pointing fingers and "ooh, that's sexist!" comments, but they rarely comment on men's sexism towards women.
They simply don't notice it.

Original poster
EmilySunshine · 02/10/2016 02:55

TotallyOuting, whichever thread that was, i didn't see it, so can't comment. by strawmen are you really saying women aren't verbally and emotionally just as cruel as men? my secondary school was all girls. i can tell you, we women are not innocent sweet things. we are human and any human is capable of being mean if they so choose.

OP posts:
TheStoic · 02/10/2016 02:58

Ah ok. This is one of those threads.

Yes, women treat men just as badly as men treat women. Rape, murder, assault, psychological, financial and verbal abuse - all equal. 50/50.

Off you go, now.

Original poster
EmilySunshine · 02/10/2016 02:59

RedBullBlood you have a point about the men mostly having that attitude to boys. i concede that.

OP posts:
Original poster
EmilySunshine · 02/10/2016 03:02

AhStoic, sorry but i'm new to MN. what does it mean by one of THOSE threads? verbal abuse IS equal to the other kinds. i've lived all kinds and the verbal and emotional stuff caused me just as much PTSD. and that isn't unusual. it isn't a competition with rape and assault at the top and everything being lesser. all abuse can cause pain. all trauma is valid and needs equal concern and compassion.

OP posts:
TheStoic · 02/10/2016 03:04

Sure thing. Violent rape is equal to verbal abuse, which is equal to murder. It's all equal. Everything is equal. Why can't we all just get along?

Original poster
EmilySunshine · 02/10/2016 03:04

"off you go, now?" am sorry i don't understand what that means. surely you mean "off you go now." putting a comma in front of the now make sit sound like you are demanding i leave. which is very funny on an internet forum. the internet is free for any member of the public. no one needs to be told to go away! :) we all have a right to be on here

OP posts:
DustyOfSkye · 02/10/2016 03:04

You're right, it's not a competition. So don't make it one between the sexes either.

MoominKitten · 02/10/2016 03:05

What fresh hell is this?

Yes, people of all sexes treat one another badly/flippantly/disrespectfully at times.

Yes, people of all sexes suffer from the effects of a heavily gendered society.

On the whole and by and large though, women suffer far greater effects of institutionalised sexism and gender oppression than men do. In physical, emotional, financial and social terms.

Some of the most flagrant oppressors of men in a sexist/gendered way are other men.

We all suffer in a gender/sex biased society. But women take the brunt of it.

But how you are coming across OP is very 'giggly, ooh I'm a good girl, little Miss Sunshine HANDMAIDEN. Like you are the only one who understands and appreciates poor ol' misunderstood oppressed men.

And that attitude can fuck off back to Gilead where it belongs.

VashtaNerada · 02/10/2016 03:07

A patriarchal society harms everyone. Women are obviously harmed the most as we have less money, power, opportunities, and freedom from violence (especially sexual violence). But yes, it does also harm men too by presenting a very narrow idea of what it means to be a man. So you get the self-perpetuating stereotype of the 'useless' man when it comes to housework, childcare etc.

TheStoic · 02/10/2016 03:07

Meh. The MRA thing is a bit transparent, OP.

Original poster
EmilySunshine · 02/10/2016 03:08

TheStoic my point exactly. why can't we all just get along and not invalidate anyone else's lived experience? i do agree of course murder is worse. but murder can also be committed by either gender. and there is no need top be unfriendly. you are entitled to disagree with me and i with you. let us keep it in perspective. this is an internet forum. not life or death. in 2 hour sno one will even remember this debate. it isn't exactly earth shattering. i expect people are as bored of this thread as i am : ) and i created the damn thing!

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RedBullBlood · 02/10/2016 03:10

Of course murder can be committed by either gender, as can domestic violence and rape. But you must surely see that those crimes are massively skewed one way...

MoominKitten · 02/10/2016 03:10

Whoosh.