to think Grandparents should know better

[Reallyverycrossnow]

I have nc because I am cross and may out myself.

My parents, bless them, took my 11 year old DD shopping in London today for a treat. She had some left over birthday money (£60) that she took with her.

They had lunch and visited many 'designer' clothing stores that are way out of our price range so not generally visited by me/us.

In one of these very expensive designer stores my parents decided it was a fabulous idea to allow DD to purchase a ladies jumper priced at £120 spending every last penny of her birthday money plus they gave her the shortfall.

She never wears jumpers, ever. It doesn't fit because she is a tiny age 11 and the garment is a ladies size 8, and it was £120 FFS!

My parents also removed the tags so she could wear it home and they threw away the receipt with their tissues etc while at the train station.

I cant return it (its the other end of the country for a start) and DD is now saying because it doesn't fit that actually she doesn't like it and can I send it back. I cant return it without tags or a receipt.

AIBU to think grown adults really should know better than to allow an 11 year old to spend £120 on a jumper, that she doesn't wear anyway and that's not even in her size. My mother is currently lecturing me the merits of life lessons being learned and that DD will 'get over it'.

£120 for a ladies jumper by Versace is actually a pretty good deal. Don't eBay it, keep it and in a few year's time it'll be a better fit and she'll wear it all the time!
Think of it as an investment piece. She had her birthday money, her grandparents covered the shortfall, she came home with a designer item that will retain its value...not much harm done, surely!

I'd be at the books are boring comment, though.

Yes its bonkers but hey ho, sometimes things are.

Your dd has a jumper thats really excessive maybe she will realise it wasnt worth the money and yet at the moment feels really spoiled and special?

Just leave it - you cant do anything about it - make the most of the jumper! It wont happen again, your making it even more worth less if you keep going on about it.

pasturesgreen Mon 03-Oct-16 09:40:25

^^ Yes, good post, keep it

I would be upset too OP, they could have at least rang you and asked if it was OK with you. It was nice of them to take your daughter out, shame it didn't end well. Maybe your daughter really wanted it at the time and was pestering a bit in the heat of the moment but they must know you and how you would feel about spending so much on such an item.

Can you look on E Bay and see what the jumper is likely to fetch and and make a decision.

So in the space of a few hours they cut off the tags threw away the receipt rightyo

So in the space of a few hours they cut off the tags threw away the receipt rightyo IL would do that - and I suspect it would be on purpose so no returns.

I'd get similar comment with books, which my children love, though my children are harder to talk into buying stuff they aren't keen on.

I think I'd have a look round e-bay see what you can get back.

Unless she wears it, or you sell it it's basically £120 down the drain whichever way you look at it! I'd be annoyed that's a lot of money! Nice however that she's had a lovely day with her GPs.

MrsJayy yes they cut the tags off because they thought I would say its too expensive and try to make them take it back. My DM said that I'm always up for spoiling her fun with the grandchildren so she thought she would stop me from spoiling this one My dad says it makes her happy and she doesn't mean any harm.

Oh and spoiling her fun amongst other things is stopping her taking my 2 month old DD to get her ears pierced which she did with me and returning the pony she bought for the grandchildren....I live in a terraced house in the middle of an estate. I haven't had a pony for 20 years and I certainly don't have space for one. She said she thought I could just find somewhere

I have found a Versace selling site on facebook. Ive asked them if anyone would buy it should it be put up for sale and so far I've had 2 enquiries reasonably close to the price. We still have all their lovely wrapping with store stickers and bag so its genuine. I just don't know exactly how much it was. My dad is hinting it cost more than they told me.

It sounds a little like your parents deliberately do stuff to show they are "in charge" and get a reaction from you.

Which is quite odd behaviour.

Words fail me re the pony.

I'd stop discussing this with them, stop playing their game. I'd also be quite careful what opportunities they have for extended unsupervised time with my DC just because their judgement sounds poor all round.

Hmm I don't get the anger really. How can she "never wear jumpers"?? Surely she will get some wear out of it in the winter. And I presume if it's a ladies 8 it's too big rather than too small, so she can wear it for a couple more years at least. It's pricey item, but it's not the worst purchase she could have made.

I suspect idaho that it's the straw that broke the camel's back.

She bought a pony?

Yeah, fair enough. The pony thing is

stopping her taking my 2 month old DD to get her ears pierced ..... and returning the pony she bought

Honestly OP if you'd included these 2 incidents in your OP you'd have got a pretty unanimous 'Your Mum Is Bananas' verdict.

Under the circs. i'm surprised you're surprised that this has happened re: your mother letting DD waste her £60 on a bloody jumper.

So, it sounds like you might receive more than £60 if you sell it. I think you need to give that choice to your DD now: does she want to keep it (maybe for when she's older) or sell it and keep the proceeds?

If she goes for the latter, she makes a profit, and if her grandmother gets cross, you can simply say she learnt a fantastic second life lesson, so their £60 investment has paid off!

Given their previous actions I think YABU to expect them to know better. Maybe this is a learning experience for you? Lower your expectations!

The "books are boring" comment is worrying. Sounds like they are trying to undermine not just your parenting but also also your daughter's preferences and personality. Keep an eye on this.

Have you told your dad that your DD no longer likes the jumper and you are looking to sell it? I could see how they'd be complacent if they felt they had indulged her but it was something she loved, but not if they realised that they had basically bossed her into spending all of her money.

They shouldn't have persuaded her to buy clothes if she wanted books and should have been careful with receipts and tags however the rule in our family is birthday money is to treat yourself to things you really want/can't usually afford or justify. I'd never ever buy a jumper for £120 normally however if I had birthday money and I really loved it I probably would as it wouldn't affect my ability to pay bills and such.

I can picture my outlaws saying books are boring, coming home having let a GC spend all their b.day money on something ridiculous as well.

(no longer a problem, as they've no interest in DDs since i split form their father)

I'd wouldn't discuss this any further with the GPS.

Quietly give your DD the choice what to do with the jumper. If she wants to sell it, leave it for a little while until the dust has settled and then sell it without telling the Grandparents.

It sounds like they like the drama - don't give it to them.

I would certainly be less than impressed!
Are your parents particularly wealthy and don't see spending £120+ on one jumper as excessive?
The pony thing is just bonkers.

If they wanted to indulge your dd they should have bought the jumper outright.

They sound massively irresponsible and yes, your dd has learnt a life lesson: not to trust your parents. And so have you - not to let dd take a ton of cash with her when she goes off with them.

Im sure you will ascertain if dd wants to keep or sell the jumper before completing any transaction. Good result that she can choose and get back basically what your she paid.

My DM said that I'm always up for spoiling her fun with the grandchildren so she thought she would stop me from spoiling this one hmm My dad says it makes her happy and she doesn't mean any harm.

It's fun for her to spend other people's money or persuade someone inexperienced and perhaps too polite to argue with her to spend it?

It's one thing to have fun spending your own money but it's another thing altogether to rope someone else into a spree with you. (I know she spent more than half in this instance, but the DD used up every penny she had so the gran could have fun here.)

Does she do much else where your dad asks people to judge her by her intentions and not by the actual effects of her actions? It seems to me just from that one comment that this woman may be quite selfish.