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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think Grandparents should know better

100 replies

Reallyverycrossnow · 01/10/2016 21:18

I have nc because I am cross and may out myself.

My parents, bless them, took my 11 year old DD shopping in London today for a treat. She had some left over birthday money (£60) that she took with her.

They had lunch and visited many 'designer' clothing stores that are way out of our price range so not generally visited by me/us.

In one of these very expensive designer stores my parents decided it was a fabulous idea to allow DD to purchase a ladies jumper priced at £120 spending every last penny of her birthday money plus they gave her the shortfall.

She never wears jumpers, ever. It doesn't fit because she is a tiny age 11 and the garment is a ladies size 8, and it was £120 FFS! Angry

My parents also removed the tags so she could wear it home and they threw away the receipt with their tissues etc while at the train station.

I cant return it (its the other end of the country for a start) and DD is now saying because it doesn't fit that actually she doesn't like it and can I send it back. I cant return it without tags or a receipt.

AIBU to think grown adults really should know better than to allow an 11 year old to spend £120 on a jumper, that she doesn't wear anyway and that's not even in her size. My mother is currently lecturing me the merits of life lessons being learned and that DD will 'get over it'.

OP posts:
Lilacpink40 · 01/10/2016 23:19

Would your parents normally spend £120 on one jumper?

Personally I'd want 3 jumpers for that money although I can understand a higher wage earner thinking 1-2 was ok.

It seems ridiculous for an 11 year old. So I wonder if your parents struggle to talk clearly with your DD to explain the situation (so she encouraged them) or did they just get carried away in the shop?

katemess12 · 01/10/2016 23:23

They were unreasonable for encouraging her to spend that kind of money on something she hadn't even tried on.

However, there is a lesson to be learnt here.

And she will, eventually, be a size 8, so perhaps you could put the jumper aside for when she's that size and see if she likes it then. If she doesn't, then sell it. Versace holds its value.

TSSDNCOP · 01/10/2016 23:24

Put it away until it fits her. She spent her money, your parents spent their money. They had a lovely time until they got home. It's really, really not that big a deal.

Meeep · 01/10/2016 23:27

She'll probably fit into it next year. Think of it as a £60 jumper.

It's done now, got can't do anything else!

BestZebbie · 01/10/2016 23:35

Do you think they purposely ended the trip buying her a designer item of clothing because they are worried you are encouraging her into books and neglecting her looks? :-/

Dizzybintess · 01/10/2016 23:36

Definately hold on to it
eBay is full of people wanting something for nothing so you will lose money on the value of the item
I can guarantee you by the time she is 13 she will be all about that Versace jumper

I do agree with you though that it was a ridiculous purchase!

Nanny0gg · 01/10/2016 23:45

Really Op you sound an utter ungrateful cow!

Don't see that much to be grateful for!

Huge waste of money. Beyond stupid to throw away receipts for such an expensive item.

They should have let her buy books. Confused

LovelyBranches · 02/10/2016 00:01

It sounds to me that your DD has realised that the £60 she had to spend on treats has now all been used up and it wasn't really worth it. That is a life lesson I suppose if it makes her think at the till in the future. However your parents were stupid and should have acted like responsible adults and asked her to give it some thought before buying.

This sounds like something my mother would do, she is a shopaholic and shops as a pastime. She get's a thrill from buying and then returns or regrets loads of her purchases. It's not a lesson I'd want to give my children, that gratification comes from handing hard earned cash over a counter for what's ultimately tat with a label.

HereIAm20 · 02/10/2016 21:42

If DD wore it home (that was why the tags were removed after all) then she knew how it fitted! Confused

fastdaytears · 02/10/2016 21:49

Huge waste of money. Beyond stupid to throw away receipts for such an expensive item

The receipts where thrown away though because the DD wore the jumper home. Surely it wouldn't have been returned after that anyway?

Pagwatch · 02/10/2016 21:50

But - but, why would she purposefully not try it on and then wear it home?

It's like a perfect storm of stupid .

Which store is selling Versace knitwear?

Amethyst81 · 03/10/2016 02:23

Yeah I would be annoyed too, they shouldnt have let her buy it, they should have contacted you first to see whether you agreed, she is only 11, she won't have the sense to know if its a sensible buy. I agree with ebaying it as it will just annoy you sitting there unworn in her cupboards. I wouldnt let her take much money next time she goes shopping with them either.

Manumission · 03/10/2016 02:55

She says she wanted books but they thought she should buy some nice clothes instead because books are boring (yes my parents really would say that) . hmm

Clearly you all think its a worthy life lesson. Perhaps a better life lesson is never go shopping with grandparents?

TBH, I'd steer relatives with those kinds of ideas towards other types of outings with my lovely book-loving girl and try to avoid the grandparental shopping trips altogether. Shopping as leisure is a strange idea anyway.

KoalaDownUnder · 03/10/2016 02:57

Really Op you sound an utter ungrateful cow!

Ah, good old AIBU. Hmm

Yeah, completely ungrateful and an utter cow - for wanting her parents to give her 11-year-old some guidance in not throwing money away.

Italiangreyhound · 03/10/2016 03:07

Yes, Very irresponsible of grandparents, and a bit dim. They've made up the shortfall for a total waste of time.

Yes, do sell on ebay and give your dd the money to buy what she likes. And yes "... better life lesson is never go shopping with grandparents" But on the plus side they loved her enough to give her £69 to waste, so not all bad. Wink

annandale · 03/10/2016 04:13

'Books are boring'?

Yeuch.

YANBU to feel like hitting your head against a wall. But I have to say there is part of me that would just want to laugh like a drain to think of grandparents (are they mindless Generation Xers like me? I'm 47) encouraging your daughter to spunk money she doesn't have on literally useless shite instead of boring old books.

I would say that they think it is their job to provide the fun, thrills and conspicuous consumption in your daughter's life. Provided they can afford it, that's quite sweet - now that you know it.

Your job to be the dour joyless one saying 'no I can't take it back'. I agree, put it away for now, she will get over it remarkably quickly.

Blu · 03/10/2016 05:20

Totally idiotic of them to buy it without trying it on.

HardcoreLadyType · 03/10/2016 06:08

Where is there a Versace outlet store in London?

KitKats28 · 03/10/2016 06:31

If you put it on eBay and it makes more than £60, then she's learned another good life lesson. Speculate to accumulate.

ChickenSalad · 03/10/2016 06:31

Totally agree with you OP. They sound like naive idiots.

Floridasunset · 03/10/2016 06:48

The OP is not being ungrateful that her parents have spent time with her DD and taken her shopping but thinks that they should be offering an 11 year old guidance on spending her money and teaching her responsibility such as trying clothes on first or that she could get more for her money elsewhere that is still good quality.

OP YNBU

mathanxiety · 03/10/2016 06:54

You are lucky your daft parents managed to find their way home with your DD.

YANBU.

Liiinoo · 03/10/2016 07:30

Agree with the posters who say it is a life lesson. She will be more careful with her money in future.

And seriously - you chased your parents down the drive? They didn't come in for a drink and a chat after travelling from London to the other end of the country?

a7mints · 03/10/2016 09:19

It is not your money that has been wasted it is your DPs and your DDs .She is 11 not 3

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 03/10/2016 09:32

AIBU to think grandparents should know better?

To that question - yes you are being unreasonable. There is no manual to being a grandparent. They try, they make mistakes, they think they've helped, they get yelled at.

Those of us who have never ever made a parenting mistake might have a case for expecting perfection from our own parents.

It might be worth noting that until your children are bitching about you on Mumsnet in 20 years time you won't necessarily know you've made a mistake.