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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want a hobby with my DH?

78 replies

ChampagneTastes · 01/10/2016 20:35

Be gentle. Well as gentle as you can be in AIBU. DH and I are, I think, drifting into the world of housemates. We've never been the most romantic pair and we are starting to just exist together, albeit quite comfortably.

We also have quite different interests so while I might be here researching nineteenth century radicals, he's happy on the floor with a pile of lego. My thought was that if we did something together regularly, something that neither of us has done before, then it might build some closeness. The suggestion was met with a "look" and a dismissal of every idea I came up with.

AIBU? I thought it would be nice. DH seems to think it would be a ballache.

OP posts:
AgentProvocateur · 03/10/2016 07:56

DH and I have been married for ever, and we both have busy, but separate, work and social lives during the week. We go out together every Friday for dinner, then make a nice meal together on Saturday (often for friends) and go for a cycle sometimes on Sunday. Nothing that's going to set the world on fire, but it works for us. We've also started having a game of Backgammon in the evenings, which is turning out to be fun. Could you try a game?

EastMidsMummy · 03/10/2016 09:43

Eastmidsmum What pastimes do you consider acceptable for a grown up?

Sports, art, culture, gambling, sex, the great outdoors, sex in the great outdoors.... Just something a bit more imaginative than piecing together a toy manufacturers pre-existing vision of fun.

PonderingLikeAPond · 03/10/2016 09:49

Maybe you ought to have a set night once a fortnight or so which you have to find something to do together. Even in the house.

A board game, or a movie. Could you cook the evening meal together?

TheNaze73 · 03/10/2016 09:52

I think there have been some great posts & suggestions here.

It's finding the balance between suffocating in a relationship with the need to be an individual, pursuing your own interests however, couples that play together, stay together as the saying goes.

I think the once a fortnight suggestion is a good starting point

BlancheBlue · 03/10/2016 10:43

eastmids something tells me you aren't getting enough sex in your life. .......

Shiningexample · 03/10/2016 10:50

What about hiking, walking, rambling etc?

LotsOfShoes · 03/10/2016 10:54

Yanbu to want an activity together although your suggestions are a bit too time consuming, they all require quite a lot of commitment and quite a lot of skill to be able to enjoy them. DH have tennis (we're not very good at it) but it gets us out of the house once in a while. We learnt together, only needed a couple of lessons. Something like that or hiking would be better.

motherinferior · 03/10/2016 11:16

I am another who'd probably end up in court if I tried a mutual hobby with DP (he has suggested dancing but I've seen him dance. Once. It was a good thing we already had kids, because if it had been a first date That Would Have Been It).

We do in fact both have things we do - he does hippy t'ai chi, I sing in a chamber choir - to quite high standards. This revives and recharges us for the gruelling mutual enterprise of cohabitation and parenting. We get on quite well as a result as long as he doesn't try dancing.

MsFortunaMajor · 03/10/2016 11:31

My DH and I play board games together, could that be an option for you? It's a good way for us to relax after work. Once a month we also meet up with two other couples and play board games for an afternoon. We all bring cake, snacks, sweets, it's great fun. Some good games to start you off would be Ticket to Ride, Settlers of Catan, and Splendor.

Blackfellpony · 03/10/2016 11:35

DH tried to join me on my morning dog walk and I hated it Blush

I love riding horses and having my own space and I don't want him to invade it.

We do cook together, watch films etc but it's healthy to do your own things too.

WordsAreWind · 03/10/2016 12:50

Me & DP do a lot of walking/hiking together in some really gorgeous areas.

We're going to do Archery soon, which we're both really looking forward to.

heron98 · 03/10/2016 13:24

DP and I mountain bike together. It's also a really good basis for mini breaks and trips away as we choose places with decent riding which tend also to be quite pretty and quiet.

We are also entering our first orienteering event this weekend as a pair.

MrsRhubarb · 03/10/2016 13:35

DStepM? Is that you?

heron98 · 03/10/2016 13:39

Don't force it too much.

I had this great idea that DP and I could do pre-work tennis on a Friday. I spent 30 quid on racquets and balls in Sports Direct.

We went once and I was so crap at it that it wasn't much fun. We have never done it since.

NavyandWhite · 03/10/2016 13:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KittiesInsane · 03/10/2016 13:51

Snap, Blackfellpony! DH comes on dogwalks and grumbles at the dog for bouncing, sniffing and dawdling, whereas I just amble along with the mutt.

We've tried going to music stuff (not great for me, as he plays better than I do and it's my turn to get grumpy) and starting running (more successful, as he's too out of breath to grumble too loudly).

voddiekeepsmesane · 03/10/2016 18:55

Geocaching here too. DP and me (12 years on) went through a VERY rough period beginning 2013 a few months on and felt we needed a joint interest. Started walking but geocaching gave an added "extra" to our walks. We were able to talk through things as we walked and now we consider this our "date" time as in geodating, the time we get to talk things through while out walking and in the fresh air. We also do geocaching with DS sometimes though at 12 going on 16 it is less relaxing than it is when just the 2 of us are out.

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 03/10/2016 19:05

Also recommend Board games. Some of our Dave's are anything made by CheapAss games - very funny!

Rather more energetic but great for bonding is historical reenacting, and you can bring kids to that too! (Many groups/eras). Or cons (Comic-, etc)

Cleanermaidcook · 03/10/2016 22:04

Me and dh have just started ballroom dancing lessons once a week, we're both shut but it's a good laugh. My friend and her dh do alphabet dates so week 1 = A so availing, aromatherapy or whatever, wk 2 = B so beer drinking, bowling and so on, she can't wait for week O lol. I've done geocaching with the kids, you just download an app and go looking its fun. X

twothree · 03/10/2016 22:21

Some great ideas here. Hope you find something OP. I agree with a previous poster who said you're looking for 2 different things: something to add to your own life; and some better quality time with DH. I could've written your post and am looking for these things too. This thread has been very helpful. All the best to you Smile

iamapixiebutnotaniceone · 04/10/2016 11:18

We are coming up to 17 years together. The only shared interests we have is taking the piss out of each other and other people. We don't have shared hobbies, we've tried but it always ends up with us bickering 😂 We are quite happy to have the odd film night or from time to time a week long Netflix binge.

LadySaladinForge · 04/10/2016 11:30

DP and I game together, both PC and consoles.

Not for everyone, but I like how we can still have fun and 'hang out' whilst he is away for work :)

CautiousVisitor · 04/10/2016 11:39

At the risk of suggesting an inappropriately juvenile past-time Hmm, are either of you remotely into tabletop gaming? DH and I have recently got into a card game called Magic the Gathering (MTG) and it's ah excellent shared hobby - a two player game can take as little as ten minutes but if you want to you can take time building your own deck etc so it can be as casual or as absorbing as you want. But you do have to be into the fantasy aesthetic to enjoy it...!

Vvlgari · 04/10/2016 20:02

voddie We found much the same thing with geocaching. We found ourselves talking about all kinds of things as we walked because there weren't really any other distractions or anyone else around.

QuopQuop · 13/10/2017 14:29

We go to the gym together and have recently started a weekly yoga class!

I have never enjoyed the gym but need to start looking after myself a little more and having a sauna, steams and jacuzzi after is good. We often mess around in the pool too which is nice.

We try to go out for dinner/cinema once a month and we go away on weekends twice a year (birthday weekend aways) and sometimes have a night away on our own for anniversary/just because

Other than that though on a typical weekday night we will sit in the kitchen together and chat while I cook dinner but then we are in different rooms doing different things for the rest of the night. I like the space though.