to want a hobby with my DH?

[ChampagneTastes]

Be gentle. Well as gentle as you can be in AIBU. DH and I are, I think, drifting into the world of housemates. We've never been the most romantic pair and we are starting to just exist together, albeit quite comfortably.

We also have quite different interests so while I might be here researching nineteenth century radicals, he's happy on the floor with a pile of lego. My thought was that if we did something together regularly, something that neither of us has done before, then it might build some closeness. The suggestion was met with a "look" and a dismissal of every idea I came up with.

AIBU? I thought it would be nice. DH seems to think it would be a ballache.

That's a nice idea actually. DH might be up for that. Thank you!

You have two different needs. The need to do something improving. The need to do something less boring with DH.

Get yourself an improving hobby, course, whatever. Do it by yourself or with a mate.

Do random fun stuff with DH.

It is your attempt to resolve your two needs with one activity that's causing the problem.

Try Yiffing?

We recently started to do jigsaws together. Large ones with 2-4 thousand pieces. We sit together and just chat as we're doing it. It's worked a charm as we're not like zombies in front of our phones, the TV etc.

It's made us talk properly for the first time in years about stuff that isn't to do with work, house, bills.

Runrabbit. I think you may have a point. Loki - jigsaws tend to go the same way as lego! But may try again.

What on earth is yiffing?

I put it there as a joke

Yiffing is dressing up in animal costumes and having your wicked way with each other. Could be fun.

How about hot air ballooning?

OP - please clarify: does your DH actually do Lego?

I don't think DH and I have any hobbies in common, so time together is meals, drinks, socialising, concerts, cinema etc. We do our hobbies separately.

Yes DH does have a LOT of lego.

Sex?

How about K'nex.

Dh claims I gave him ptsd from one adventurous hobby and we don't do the one we met through together now as we take turns watching the kids. I've so far managed to escape historical re-enactment that he suggested and we've settled for playing badminton very badly together. As we book a court means it is time blocked off for us - we aren't very good at scheduling nights out. I think it is nice to do something together but doesn't necessarily have to be full on.

How about a wine tasting course?

Thank you all. I have negotiated a night a month as per Runrabbit's excellent suggestion. On Friday we're off out doing something different with friends and then next month we'll try something new.

I shall let you know how it goes!

Jigsaws and Lego??

Here's a thought: Why not not try something for grown-ups?

I'll be utterly honest with you, i'm of the opinion there is nothing wrong with your marriage. If there was, mine would be up shit creek too! We too have very different hobbies, husband is into gaming, lego and comic books where as I am in to historical dramas, books, baking and colouring in.

Husband and I took up walking together and visiting garden centres or the zoo. Something to look at/do but spending time together talking. Geocaching is fun, as long as it doesn't get too tedious. I once spent an hour sitting on a bench reading whilst my husband fettled around in the bushes looking for a geocache that doesn't even exist any more.

Oh and we started doing jigsaws together, eastmidsmummy it can be quite challenging if you get the right kind. It is a well known past time for grown ups, thanks very much!

Eastmidsmum What pastimes do you consider acceptable for a grown up?

When I started to get this feeling, I simply went and got my own hobbies. Now the kids are older I can go out in the evening to various sessions and classes and spend occasional weekends doing career-related training.

Ultimately I see this as an opportunity to forge a life outside the home. I can come home, I have things to say - if anyone asks - I have things to occupy myself. In turn, by living my own life, DP seems to prefer my company - there's no enforced 'togetherness', I'm just busily getting on with my own things and, voila, he wants to spend a little time with me.

Basically, ignore them and suddenly you're catnip.

It also prevents you from being needy, because you become used to seeking out your own happiness on your own, and you don't need him to have fun. Therefore you find you might WANT his company, but you don't NEED it, and wanting is better.

Oh fuck off EasrMidsMummy I can't stand it when people get sniffy about other peoples hobbies because they perceive them as not "grown up" enough. I always assume they are either still young and a bit insecure about their own maturity, or they have made the mistake of tipping over too whole heartedly in to middle age and consider that the only suitable pastimes for an adult are boring shit like golf and flower arranging.

I am mid 50s and would happily do a bit of Lego or jigsaw from time to time. And actually I know I am not alone in that, I have other friends of a similar age comfortable enough in their own skin to do whatever fun thing takes their fancy.

OP, the geocache thing can be fun, we used to do it quite a but though not so much lately. But what it could lead to is going for a lovely long walk in the country. Does that appeal to you both do you think? The great thing about that is that as you are out enjoying the walk you end up talking about whatever comes in to our head and it can be a lovely compatible way to spend a day. It is still our favourite thing to do together.

How do you go about getting into geocaching?

Sign up with geocaching.com. If you pay for premium membership there are more caches available but I'd give the free one a go first and see how you get on.

You've got about a year til your DH has to share his Lego. Mwahahahahahahaha

It sounds as though things are going well but I was wondering if you actually told him why you wanted a joint activity. Explaining its to stop you growing apart might put it into context.