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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I dislike children.

378 replies

HonestJan · 01/10/2016 19:51

What is wrong with me?

Never liked em. I don't find them cute, sweet, funny, interesting or entertaining. I have a few nieces/nephews and obviously love them but I don't enjoy the whole 'come watch little niece sing/dance 😍' and then enduring a painfully shit performance, 'Wow look at what little nephew has drawn' and it's a dreadful mess/ordinary drawing, and so on.

When kids do things like throw tantrums or make a scene in public and their parents do that 'ah isn't she adorable' look, I just don't get it.

When I'm sitting having a coffee and they come over to me/others to pester them and the parents leave them to it as if everyone must find their children as wonderful as they do, I don't get that either.

Babies I have no interest in either. I don't want to cuddle a small person or pull silly faces and coo over it.

I really enjoy people and I'm sure I'll have much more time and patience for my nieces and nephews when they grow up but I seem to be considered some sort of monster for not having an interest in children.

OP posts:
missbishi · 02/10/2016 11:33

Well yes, Poppy, I just cannot work out how someone who is childfree by choice would be jealous of my rabble! If anything, it is me who is envious of them at times!

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 02/10/2016 11:50

I really love children, but I don't enjoy them performing either.

It's a tight-rope between getting children to behave as people expect them to and stopping them 'performing'. Impossible. If you have expectations of children you must suck it up when they correctly work out that you expect a performance.

madein1995 · 02/10/2016 11:50

YANBU. Personally I quite like children (it's some patents letting them run amok I have an issue with) but you're entitled to Your Own voews. Seriously Ffs mumsnet isn't just for mums. I've been given some bloody good advice and I'm not a mum. I'm not sad either. If by your reckoning people not mums on here are 'sad' then why are you on aibu and not parenting? Seriously how I spend my time is my business, mumsnet is usually a supportive place for everyone and anyone who thinks people who dislikes their kids are the devil, can fuck off. Tantrums are natural. If your kid is wandering over to my table get it back - I'll say hello etc bit I'm trying to eat a meal, I didn't sign up to be a blooming entertainer.

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 02/10/2016 11:52

I dislike it when younger children are still up in the evening if you have been invited around for dinner.

That's fine. Just don't think you have a right to them not being present. There's nothing offensive about the sight of a child.

kali110 · 02/10/2016 11:57

Lol miss i may want kids, but sometimes some of the stories on here make being childfree better Grin

I do wonder how the op said no to holding the friends baby?
If she'd been mean "no get it away from me" that would be bad, but if it was just "no thanks" that wouldn't be so bad.
Not everybody is so comfortable around small babies.
I love being thrust my mates babies but it took a while for my dh, he was always a bit scared of dropping them Grin

PoppyBirdOnAWire · 02/10/2016 12:04

"gonetoseeamanaboutadog

I dislike it when younger children are still up in the evening if you have been invited around for dinner.

That's fine. Just don't think you have a right to them not being present. There's nothing offensive about the sight of a child."

Oh haha. Where to start? On second thoughts, I can't be bothered. Most sensible posters will get the point. Lol

MistressDeeCee · 02/10/2016 12:10

TaterTots calm down - your Book of Bullshit may condone prejudice and have dislike of babies and parents all over it - but I don't have that book Smile
Either making it obvious you don't like babies, or hypocritically pretending you do and also being drawn to parents of children is some pretty off-key prejudice. There's Reddit for certain views, isn't there? Needing to land in a forum one knows is full of parents to state dislike of children is some kind of needy goading for sure

Still, a lot of people find it hard to own their behaviour I guess. Way of the world

DesolateWaist · 02/10/2016 12:22

I think there is a lot of miss reading of the OP here.

She didn't post 'fuck me I hate children, honestly why would anyone have kids they are just shit making noise bags. They should be locked in a room until they are 18 and old enough to sit at the grown up table.' Which seems to be how many people have read it.

The way I read it is that she is worried that she finds children rather dull and annoying when everyone else finds them wonderful. She is concerned that here lack of interest in children is unusual and wrong.
She says but I seem to be considered some sort of monster for not having an interest in children. I'm guessing that she was posting here to get the views of parents who might well say, as many have, that while they love their own children they do find others a little dull. As I understand it, being a parent doesn't mean that you have to find all children endlessly wonderful and fascinating for the rest of your life.

MuffyTheUmpireSlayer · 02/10/2016 12:34

It's a tight-rope between getting children to behave as people expect them to and stopping them 'performing'. Impossible. If you have expectations of children you must suck it up when they correctly work out that you expect a performance.

Exactly this.

Original poster
HonestJan · 02/10/2016 12:34

Ok I get the whole argument about 'I wouldn't go on to Dogsnet to say I dislike dogs' but this is the site I've used for years and feel comfortable using so that is why I posted here. Apologies to those who think it is inappropriate but not everyone is happy with every single thread on this site are they?

To those who used the example of disliking dogs/elderly/Chinese people, I'm gonna assume you don't have to endure friends pushing Chinese people on to you to hold when you don't want to then looking offended if you refuse?

I doubt any of you go to your friend's house for a cup of tea and have to sit through a deafening performance of their great gran singing Let it Go when really you just want a chat with said friend.

I don't believe you've ever sat in a coffee shop and had a dog approach you, hover around your table and stare at you while their owner looks on at you like you're the inappropriate one for it engaging in pointless chit chat.

Of course I am being ageist, I dislike them because I have nothing in common with them which boils down to age difference. I prefer to have meaningful conversations, share witty banter and learn about other people's interesting lives. Talking to kids is just not like that, I couldn't fake an interest in a 5 year olds social life nor would they give a shit about mine.

I am certainly not envious of anyone with children because they have children. I enjoy my life and would enjoy it even more if I didn't have friends/strangers thinking I'm some sort of alien because I have no interest in their kids. I don't walk around making my distain for kids obvious and never would, hence why I have come on to an anonymous internet forum to gauge why it is such a problem and if I genuinely am the bad person in all of this.

I appreciate everyone's honesty and have found a lot of it refreshing. I guarantee no one in my RL would have the balls to say some of the things that have been said on here so it has been very helpful and I'm glad I posted. That is the point of this site - to help, vent, and so on - and that's what has happened here. Thanks for the replies everyone.

OP posts:
missbishi · 02/10/2016 12:42

MistressDeeCee, what is OP meant to do then? You are slating her for being vocal in her dislike of children yet if she pretends she is interested, she's a hypocrite in your eyes.

ShelaghTurner · 02/10/2016 12:48

Grin i wish I had a friend whose great gran gave renditions of Let it Go!

To clarify that point, the endless performances are a special kind of hell. They're exempt from my attempts to defend children Wink

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 02/10/2016 12:49

If you want to start a thread about being a victim of over-eager parents, OP, do it on on a website that is here to support parents first and foremost. You are behaving strangely to look for sympathy from the very people you're complaining about.

If you did have friends pushing Chinese people on you to cuddle, you would still not be justified in starting a thread about how little you like Chinese people. And you would still be rude to do it on a website that is to support friends raising Chinese people Grin

The site's not for you to vent and receive support unless you can do so in a way that doesn't cause offence to parents and make their lives harder. Unfortunately, people disliking our children is something parents live with every single day and it can be very difficult, hence the reason that your thread is unwelcome.

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 02/10/2016 12:49

DON'T do it on a website that is here to supports parents...

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 02/10/2016 12:51

You're definitely honest, HonestJan and I agree there's nothing wrong with not enjoying a small child's performance of "Let it go" or similar Grin.
Actually having a conversation with a child can be amusing and endearing. Perhaps you will meet a sweet, interesting child one day who will change your mind.

ToastDemon · 02/10/2016 12:52

To be fair gone anyone is entitled to post about what they like here. If people feel it's unsuitable they can report it and if the mods agree it will be deleted.

missbishi · 02/10/2016 13:00

gone I had no idea that this site is yours. Which one are you then, Justine or Carrie?

BadLad · 02/10/2016 13:03

I don't dislike children personally, but I have no interest at all in interacting with them.

Notso · 02/10/2016 13:10

You say you love your nephews and nieces but I don't see how you can love someone you have no interest in and don't want to spend any time with.

BathshuaSpooner · 02/10/2016 13:25

What an odd thread to post on a parent site. Have also read some very weird defensive posts.

DesolateWaist · 02/10/2016 13:32

The site's not for you to vent and receive support unless you can do so in a way that doesn't cause offence to parents and make their lives harder.
Causing offence doesn't make your life harder. It might piss you off but it doesn't make your life harder.

Unfortunately, people disliking our children is something parents live with every single day and it can be very difficult, hence the reason that your thread is unwelcome.
I think that this is you reading too much into your own problems. You seem to have this idea that everyone in the street/restaurant/coffee shop hates your children and it tutting about them and your parenting.
It could of course be that you are one of these parents who seems to think that its fine for your child to ride round a supermarket on a scooter or to sit at the table with random strangers or go and poke someones dog uninvited. Then parents do dislike your children, or more correctly they dislike your style of parenting.

TaterTots · 02/10/2016 13:39

gonetoseeamanaboutadog - I think maybe you could benefit from a performance of 'Let it Go'...

Seriously, if you all find this so offensive and 'goady', why keep coming back? Why not post on one of the numerous others threads that don't mention disliking children?

LucyLot · 02/10/2016 13:49

gonetoseeamanaboutadog

Why does it bother you so much that there are people out there who don't share your views about children? Why do you even care?

The OP didn't start the thread to slag every child off, she was saying she doesn't share those maternal feelings about random children and doesn't find babies cute. Many people agree. You can't control that so take a deep breath and let it go.

I get the impression you're the kind of person who would cut out a friend who didn't coo over your child long enough.

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 02/10/2016 14:07

Oh, it doesn't bother me at all that people don't share my views on children, lucy. You are completely mistaken to think I expect others to coo over my kids. If possible, I usually leave them with their dad when seeing friends because I find the whole charade excruciating (and so does my DS - adults are at their most tiresome when talking to children!).

I had a problem with the OP for the reasons mentioned above, which had nothing to do with her failure to enjoy other people's children really.

kali110 · 02/10/2016 14:12

DesolateWaist yes i read it the same way to!

gone no this site is for EVERYONE.
I may not feel the same way as the op but it doesn't mean she deserves to be hounded just because she has a different opinion to you.

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