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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are dinner crashers acceptable??

63 replies

minkybob · 01/10/2016 13:13

AIBU? Crappy week at work, meeting old friends sans kids (for the first time in forever) and then notice in social media that they've invited another couple (who we don't know) to join us without checking if it's OK with us first. OH thinks it's downright rude, I just balk at the idea of trying to be witty and funny when all I was craving was the easy company of old friends!!! Any thoughts?

OP posts:
chickenowner · 01/10/2016 13:15

I think it's rude. At the very least they should have asked you if you minded. If you're feeling really low after a bad week I'd be very tempted to cancel.

KingscoteStaff · 01/10/2016 13:17

If they are, I wish someone had told the EIGHT teenage boys who lumbered into my kitchen last night, having been told by DS that "It's fine! Mum loves having guests!"

It was like catering for a swarm of (quite charming) locusts.

Goes out to buy more pasta/cheese/biscuits/bread/ice cream/grapes...

Nanny0gg · 01/10/2016 13:18

It's rude.

SinglePringle · 01/10/2016 13:19

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest - more the merrier. I like meeting new people.

TaterTots · 01/10/2016 13:21

Personally I think they should have asked - but then again, would you really have felt able to say 'no'?

MoominKitten · 01/10/2016 13:21

It's rude to do that and not ask first.

HereIAm20 · 01/10/2016 13:21

If you don't fancy going send a message - saying I see on (socail media) that you've double booked. Never mind when can we meet up then?

MyNewBearTotoro · 01/10/2016 13:22

I think it's rude to not even check with you first, especially if it's a couple you don't know.

I'd be tempted to cancel and you and DH go to dinner the 2 of you.

puglife15 · 01/10/2016 13:26

YANBU, it might change the dynamic, you might feel there is stuff your can't bring up.

But YABU to call them dinner crashers - they've been invited!

I'd go, and without completely ignoring them try to chat to your friends as you would if they weren't there. Don't be rude but you don't have to try to be charming or witty either.

They might be really nice people, maybe they've invited them as they think you'll get on?

puglife15 · 01/10/2016 13:27

Of course there is also the possibility they can't bear spending any evening with just you... ;) Any back story, tension, etc?

AndShesGone · 01/10/2016 13:30

I can't believe anyone thinks this is ok Shock

If there was six people I'd have made 6 individual beef en Croute, 6 ramekins of creme brûlée

What the fuck would I feed them, cheese on toast ?!?

MissElizaBennettsBaubles · 01/10/2016 13:32

I wouldn't be bothered by this, but a close relative (who suffers from anxiety) would find it a big strain.

You don't have to try to be witty/funny etc OP. Just be yourself.

Hope you have a nice dinner...

FlowersWineCake

Original poster
minkybob · 01/10/2016 13:33

Not at all puglife15, if anything we are like family so I can only guess they just assumed we'd be happy if it was more the merrier etc. Just wish they'd checked first :(

OP posts:
SnookieSnooks · 01/10/2016 13:39

You might like them!

blitheringbuzzards1234 · 01/10/2016 13:45

It was inconsiderate but maybe they weren't aware that you'd had a really crappy week.

LetsJunglyJumpToIt · 01/10/2016 13:45

Yanbu, they should have mentioned it.

JakeBallardswife · 01/10/2016 13:48

This is a difficult one, can you assume that you may like this couple and just go with the flow? The more relaxed you are the more you may enjoy the evening. Change is often a good thing.

NoahVale · 01/10/2016 13:49

it'll be good fun - they might really cheer you up

AGenie · 01/10/2016 13:51

I think it depends if all four people are pleased to see you and make you feel at home. If you feel like the third one in a crowd then that is bad news.

Couchpotato3 · 01/10/2016 13:55

This has happened to me so many times, and I do rather resent it. If I"m invited to a meal with old friends, I tend to think that it's just us who are invited, and to arrive and find 2 or 3 other couples there completely changes the dynamic, and means that you can't have the cosy chat that you were looking forward to with the old friends. No reason why they can't invite other people, but I do understand your disappointment!

NightWanderer · 01/10/2016 13:55

I'd be annoyed too, but maybe the other couple put them on the spot. I wouldn't cancel, but hopefully it will be more fun than you anticipate.

AverageGayLadAtChristmas · 01/10/2016 13:56

If I arrange to meet with people I want to meet them. Not their mates or neighbours or whoever too Confused

FriendofBill · 01/10/2016 14:00

Give the friend a call and say you are not feeling up to it. Be honest! We all have days like that.

I did this yesterday.
Unplanned visit from family, with distant relative aged 2 who I've never met.
I had plans already to laze around with DD to go shopping so I said I would not be able to host.
After the week at work I don't want to spend my Saturday toiling for unplanned guests.

paxillin · 01/10/2016 14:04

I don't much like it either. Met some lovely people this way, but it does really change an evening from cosy old friends' in-jokes to careful testing the waters with complete strangers.

BewtySkoolDropowt · 01/10/2016 14:05

For me it depends.

If they invited you then they are free to invite whoever else they wish. They maybe never intended it to be an exclusive thing.

If you asked them to meet up then it is exceptionally rude.

If it was a mutually arranged thing then it is thoughtless verging towards rude.

Disclaimer: this may be my own personal sliding scale and people are free to disagree.