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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are dinner crashers acceptable??

63 replies

minkybob · 01/10/2016 13:13

AIBU? Crappy week at work, meeting old friends sans kids (for the first time in forever) and then notice in social media that they've invited another couple (who we don't know) to join us without checking if it's OK with us first. OH thinks it's downright rude, I just balk at the idea of trying to be witty and funny when all I was craving was the easy company of old friends!!! Any thoughts?

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 01/10/2016 15:58

So they are crashers.

Rude.

And a bit thoughtless of your mutual friends.

limitedperiodonly · 01/10/2016 16:10

You could always ignore them and then maybe they could start a thread on here tomorrow about 'AIBU to be blanked last night?'

PercyHop · 01/10/2016 16:11

They should have asked you in advance or ideally not invited them at all especially if you don't know them. It changes the vibe of the whole evening.

Jmangel · 01/10/2016 16:13

Gosh you seem to have taken this too personally. I wouldn't mind at all and often kill 3 or 4 social birds with one stone - as we don't go out much, when we do I try and meet up with as many friends as possible otherwise would hardly ever see anyone.
Think it would only be wrong if you were cooking at your house and your friends rocked up with an unexpected guest.

MuseumOfCurry · 01/10/2016 16:16

Gosh you seem to have taken this too personally. I wouldn't mind at all and often kill 3 or 4 social birds with one stone - as we don't go out much, when we do I try and meet up with as many friends as possible otherwise would hardly ever see anyone.

The add-ons are not the OP's friend, as far as I can tell.

Jmangel · 01/10/2016 16:35

That wouldn't matter - I've frequently invited people to the same drinks/dinner who don't know each other. The more the merrier - I think it helps that all my friends are very similar in terms of personality so have never had any awkward social moments with it.

ChocolateWombat · 01/10/2016 16:36

What a load of miseries people on this thread are.

I'm amazed that people can't see friends widening an invitation to include others as a positive. Isn't there a good chance that the friends of your friends are likely to be people you will like too?

Unless it had been explicitly said that this was to be a small, intimate meal, I think it was fine to invite others.

To call these people 'crashes' just sounds wrong. I'm sure that if they had any sense that you guys would feel so closed to them being there, they wouldn't come. Perhaps they asked your friends if they were free for a meal this week, and your friends said they were having a meal with you, so they would be welcome to join you.......not exactly crashing.

It was a shame that you heard about it via social media......but that is what happens with social media....you sometimes near things before the person has had a chance to speak to you personally. I'm sure they intended to let you know some others would be joining you.....whether they should have actually asked permission first, seems to be the thing that is upsetting some people. Isn't it possible to just be a bit more flexible?

Anyway, why don't you go with an open mind. You might find you have a great time, it takes your mind off your bad week and you at the least enjoy their company and at best find you make some new friends.

Hope you are able to go with an open mind and have a great evening.

daisypond · 01/10/2016 16:39

I'm an introvert and I don't think this is rude. When I'm asked to dinner or to meet up, I wouldn't ever assume it was just me or just me and DH. I would always presume other people were coming, too, unless I'd been told specifically otherwise. The other couple were asked - or asked themselves - first. Then the OP and partner were asked. The inviting couple can invite who they want if they're arranging it. I suppose I'd like to know in advance that other people were definitely coming so I can put my "sociable" hat on, but that's fine.

limitedperiodonly · 01/10/2016 16:48

I went to a memorial service and at the end of the night I tagged along to someone else's house even though I didn't know him and hadn't been talking to him. There were only six of us, including me and him. Did I do a bad thing?

ps that was probably why he didn't want to have sex with me. Apart from the fact that he was gay and I wouldn't have fancied him if he was straight.

Cherrysoup · 01/10/2016 17:02

I don't think you have to be an extrovert to think this is ok, nor do I think it's miserable to not want extra people there. For the other couple not to ask first is poor manners, in fact it's poor manners altogether to ask others: are the original guests not enough for them?

SenecaFalls · 01/10/2016 17:05

Isn't there a good chance that the friends of your friends are likely to be people you will like too?

One would hope. But the last time it happened to me, which was just a couple of weeks ago, the add-on couple happened to be ardent supporters of the Republican nominee for president.

It was a very awkward evening. I may have gone on a tirade expressed my views.

daisypond · 01/10/2016 17:12

Ah, I've misread one of the OP's posts. I see it was arranged between the OP and friends first, then the other couple are invited - inviting themselves - some time later. Hm, I can see why you're not so keen, but these sorts of situations often turn out to be much better than you expect.

Nanny0gg · 01/10/2016 20:29

What a load of miseries people on this thread are.

Why so rude?

If you make arrangements to go out with particular friends for dinner, why is it ok for them to bring others you don't know, without asking first?

If you had wanted to go out in a crowd you would have suggested that at the outset.

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