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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are dinner crashers acceptable??

63 replies

minkybob · 01/10/2016 13:13

AIBU? Crappy week at work, meeting old friends sans kids (for the first time in forever) and then notice in social media that they've invited another couple (who we don't know) to join us without checking if it's OK with us first. OH thinks it's downright rude, I just balk at the idea of trying to be witty and funny when all I was craving was the easy company of old friends!!! Any thoughts?

OP posts:
fastdaytears · 01/10/2016 14:06

It's definitely rude. They might be lovely lovely people but you should have been asked.

Arfarfanarf · 01/10/2016 14:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PuppyMonkey · 01/10/2016 14:15

We had friends who often invited us round for dinner, only for us to arrive and find at least one other couple there who we didn't know.

And then the wife would always get involved in a very intense whispered conversation with the other woman while the blokes all talked about sport and I'd be sat like a lemon not talking all night.

They moved house and we no longer see them thank gawd.

FurryLittleTwerp · 01/10/2016 14:23

It is rude. You may well get on with the other couple, as they get on with your friends.

I once had a disastrous dinner party when I invited an extra couple to join the couple we had staying & another local couple they (the staying guests) had met before.

The extra husband & the visiting wife took an instant dislike to each other & as the wine flowed became more & more argumentative. He was really being an arse & she just would not back down.

Awful & embarrassing.

FurryLittleTwerp · 01/10/2016 14:24

I had naively assumed everyone would get on, but clearly not!

NoahVale · 01/10/2016 14:25

are you and/or your DH hard work, ie do they need another couple to liven up things?
or just perhaps they are so rarely available now they are and want to Kill two birds with one stone, as it were

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 01/10/2016 14:26

I think it depends who does the organising and inviting. If it was you YANBU, the other friends have been rude.

However if one of them got it all together then they can invite whichever of their friends they like, and YABU for assuming it would just be you and them.

dowhatnow · 01/10/2016 14:34

Nope not on

snakesalive · 01/10/2016 14:48

My idea of a nightmare...I've a friend who always does this....I make a point of saying ..it will just be the two of us right?

ImperialBlether · 01/10/2016 14:49

Where will you be eating? In a restaurant or in someone's home?

Queenbean · 01/10/2016 14:53

I'm confused, are you going to a restaurant or around to your home? Who made the booking?

problembottom · 01/10/2016 14:55

Fine if they've asked you beforehand. We recently introduced two couples who are now inseparable as they have young babies and lots in common, that's lovely. But I think it's rude to invite another couple without telling you. And for all you know they've done the same with the other pair. I think it's polite to check first.

littlepeas · 01/10/2016 14:58

I think it's fine if they've organised it tbh, at their home or at a restaurant. If it was you who organised it then it is rude.

woowoowoo · 01/10/2016 15:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SenecaFalls · 01/10/2016 15:21

I have a feeling that whether people are ok with this depends on whether they are essentially introverted or extroverted. I am an introvert (although I am not shy and can function quite well in social settings).

I would hate this, but my close friends know and would not invite other people without asking me.

TowerRavenSeven · 01/10/2016 15:23

Rude. End of.

fastdaytears · 01/10/2016 15:24

I'm pretty strongly extrovert and I still hate it if people just presume this is ok.

It's even worse for OP as it sounds like child free nights are rare.

WhereYouLeftIt · 01/10/2016 15:24

I think it's pretty rude.

HereIAm20 suggested a good way to handle it - "If you don't fancy going send a message - saying I see on (socail media) that you've double booked. Never mind when can we meet up then?"

BewtySkoolDropowt · 01/10/2016 15:26

Seneca I am an introvert too. I still think it depends on who invited who.

BackforGood · 01/10/2016 15:31

I too need to know if you and they agreed to meet at a pub / restaurant and then they've asked others without checking with you - in which case, yes, it's rude, but I'd still go and have fun anyway

or

If they have invited you to dinner at their house, in which case they are completely free to invite anyone they like and it's not rude at all. They will presumably have given some thought to it and decided you and the other people will probably hit it off.

BackforGood · 01/10/2016 15:32

Either way, YABU to call them dinner crashers, as they have been invited.

I thought this was going to be about teens - friends of your dc - getting fed at my house when I didn't know they were coming Grin

TaliDiNozzo · 01/10/2016 15:32

Yeah i do think this is rude but it doesn't sound like it's intentional. If it was me I would just cancel and have a quiet night in.

MuseumOfCurry · 01/10/2016 15:49

We have friends who do this all the time and I hate it. I don't like going out with people I don't know, essentially. I realise that makes me a misanthrope.

galaxygirl45 · 01/10/2016 15:51

I think it's really rude. I'd cancel and have a night in or if you've got a babysitter sorted, go out somewhere nice and have a better end to the week.

Original poster
minkybob · 01/10/2016 15:54

It was mutually arranged and we are meeting out. I believe the other couple asked to tag along and we're told yes, then it was mentioned on social media before DH and I were asked. Personally I don't think you have to be an introvert or anxious to worry about plans changing. As I said in the initial post, I'm just craving easy company due to feeling a bit blue. Sometimes you want to party, sometimes you just want to shoot the shit with good mates.

OP posts:
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