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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to expect my husband to either earn some money or give up sky bloody sports?

27 replies

ClaudiaW · 30/09/2016 20:49

I'm getting silent treatment from husband and son because he didn't have enough cash to take the boy to a promised sports event. I'm getting tired of fixing everything and trying to make everything ok when we are broke. I work full time but it's never enough.

OP posts:
Arfarfanarf · 30/09/2016 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrincessOG16 · 30/09/2016 20:52

If there's. Legitimate reason he doesn't work fair enough, otherwise tell him to step the Fuck up.

SillySongsWithLarry · 30/09/2016 20:56

YANBU. He needs to step up and financially contribute or ensure that he isn't the cause of you living above your means. DH is a SAHD because we have a disabled child. He would not demand extravagances and expect me to pay for them!

DiegeticMuch · 30/09/2016 21:25

Why isn't he working outside of the home? Has it been agreed that he's a SAHD? Does he do the bulk of the childcare and housework?

RunningLulu · 01/10/2016 03:05

If he's the stay at home dad then YABU.

onecurrantbun1 · 01/10/2016 06:03

He would not demand extravagances and expect me to pay for them!

What a disgusting attitude towards a man who has given up a career to care for your child together. Surely your money should be shared and he has every right to spend a proportion on Sky shit Sportsor other "extravagances" if you can affprd it?

somekindofmother · 01/10/2016 06:10

i don't think it's unreasonable to expect the adults to make financial sacrifices if they are broke.
i assume the op is being expected to stump up cash that means they will go without somewhere else, or be late on a bill etc
i'm the sahp and i wouldn't ask oh to pay for a luxury like sky sports if we were broke.
when we were broke we gave up sky completely.

IsItJustFuck1ngMe · 01/10/2016 09:09

Needs to MAN up and contribute. ...And certainly should not be encouraging your son to join him in a huff against you. Absolutely vile manipulation and terrible parenting on his part.

It's a shame the son has missed out yes, a better lesson would be that his son learns from his dad that you have to earn nice things with graft and they cannot be demanded by huff.

OurBlanche · 01/10/2016 09:19

Wow! How many ways can one post misrepresent another?

What a disgusting attitude towards a man who has given up a career to care for your child together. Surely your money should be shared and he has every right to spend a proportion on Sky shit Sportsor other "extravagances" if you can affprd it?

And all done in just 2 sentences... congratulations!

Circuscats · 01/10/2016 09:21

Weird that you aren't being spoken to because he hasn't earned money! Is this typical?

sooperdooper · 01/10/2016 09:21

Is he a full time parent or just out of work and not looking? Makes a huge difference!

TaliDiNozzo · 01/10/2016 10:13

Yeah we really need some more info here to judge accurately.

SAHPs are entitled to some luxuries the same as a working parent would be. It's family money. But if, as a family, you are being expected to sacrifice essentials for sports (either TV or otherwise) then obviously he is unreasonable.

onecurrantbun1 · 01/10/2016 10:40

OurBlanche I don't feel I misrepresented another poster as I quoted them directly - I do feel that the attitude that a SAHP is not entitled to luxuries, and that a WOHP refers to the money as "my money", pretty unacceptable.

Obviously we don't know whether OP IBU or not without further info, but the wording of Larry's post did make my hackles rise I must admit.

onecurrantbun1 · 01/10/2016 10:43

OurBlanche I don't feel I misrepresented Larry as I quoted the post directly. I do indeed feel that in a SAHP/WOHP set up it is unacceptable to refer to earned income as "my money" and imply that the SAHP shouldn't have luxuries. Clearly if any grown adult, SAHP or not, were indeed "demanding" to be kept in designer outfits when money was tight, that's unacceptable, but I didn't read Larry's post like that.

emotionsecho · 01/10/2016 10:52

Larry? Who is Larry?

TapDancingPimp · 01/10/2016 10:57
Grin
Aibu to expect my husband to either earn some money or give up sky bloody sports?
OurBlanche · 01/10/2016 11:00

Larry is the poster SillySongsWithLarry who posted

YANBU. He needs to step up and financially contribute or ensure that he isn't the cause of you living above your means. DH is a SAHD because we have a disabled child. He would not demand extravagances and expect me to pay for them!

Which current reduced to He would not demand extravagances and expect me to pay for them! and seems to think is the same as having Larry having said that any SAHP can just fuck off and be grateful for what they get!

Obviously neither Larry nor the OP said any such thing, they just pointed out that money doesn't grow on trees and if the family purse is empty then 'luxury' or unnecessary purchases are going to be axed, no matter how upsetting that is!

BlackeyedSusan · 01/10/2016 11:02

FFS. sahp here. we, as a family, made sacrifices, as a family, for the need (disabled children) for one of us to stay at home. that includes not having things like sky sports.

simple economics.

is there more back story to this?

raisedbyguineapigs · 01/10/2016 11:05

Theyre broke. Sky Sports is an overpriced extravagance at the best of times. If your doing and only one person is earning, I think that person has a right to have a say if family money is being spent on extravagances. It's not the sahp having money for haircuts and coffee out. It's at least £100 a month, every month.

emotionsecho · 01/10/2016 11:05

Thanks OurBlanche I missed that Blush.

Perhaps the OP could provide a bit more information as to the family dynamics, but I agree if money is tight irrespective of how/or who earns it luxuries have to be cut and compromises made.

onecurrantbun1 · 01/10/2016 11:35

Thanks for clarifying OurBlanche, obviously it all depends on context. I don't think it's right that any normal adult demand anything, or have luxuries when money is tight. Of course disposable income does not exist in a bubble and if you can't afford it you can't afford it.

I'm genuinely sorry if I have misconstrued something - it is very hard to tell without more details. I was only going on how i would feel if my DH had said similar about, say, me wanting a new dress for a night out.

SillySongsWithLarry · 01/10/2016 12:50

I don't have a disgusting attitude to SAHP at all and all of our money is joint, transparent and equal. What I was saying is we as a family can't afford regular expensive outgoings and live a lifestyle that is well within our means. DH does not suggest that he would like more than our lot in life. That isn't a reflection on my feelings towards him as a non earning adult at all.

dowhatnow · 01/10/2016 13:02

If the money isn't there, the money isn't there asnd shouldn't be spent on non essentials.
However if the op is still spending on non essentials then I would be more sympathetic towards him, likewise if he isn't making any effort to get a job and they havent agreed that he is a SAHD, then I have more sympathy towards the op. We need more info.

roarityroar · 01/10/2016 13:04

I would just cancel it in your position.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 01/10/2016 13:26

The OP has run away.