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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask any Muslim mumsnetters

108 replies

DollyBarton · 30/09/2016 20:42

Whether you are ok with dogs in the house? I'm not sure if it's one of the more normal or extreme beliefs for Muslim people but I read it is a problem and had arranged for my dog to be away when our Muslim friends stay this weekend. It's my DH's friend and girlfriend we've never met so I can't guess how many of the rules particularly she observes. My DH told me not to be so ridiculous and kept the dog here. I just think that because he thinks he knows his friend from college and observed him being fairly relaxed in those days he could be mistaken about how he and his girlfriend are about their beliefs now. They have said they are happy to share a room, I know they don't drink but DH has been in a pub with the friend in the past. DH was surprised they only eat halal....I just feel we should make our home as Muslim friendly as possible, they are our guests and it's not hard to remove the dog, put away all alcohol, remove all pork from the fridge and maybe be a bit careful about welcome hugs and kisses. Is the dog an issue in general or is it something many Muslim people don't observe? I am nervous they will feel deeply uncomfortable but too polite to say.

OP posts:

ItsJustNotRight · 30/09/2016 20:50

Can't your DH just ask his friend? I don't think it's any worse than asking if there's anything people don't eat or if they are allergic to a particular type of pet. A quick text/call to friend should sort it out. I think most people ask these sort of questions of visitors before they arrive, especially new visitors. People have all sorts of dietary/allergies requirements so asking is fine.

Original poster

DollyBarton · 30/09/2016 20:52

I told him to ask but he didn't and now they arrive in an hour. I guess I'll closely watch reactions and keep the dog out of the way depending.

OP posts:

Shadowboy · 30/09/2016 20:57

My dad is a Muslim and we had a dog. I also have two dogs and my parents come to stay and I never get rid of them! (My mum is Christian) The Muslim ideology is that dog saliva is dirty but dogs themselves are not. Simply keeping the dogs in a different room would have been adequate to all but the most strict. My dad would walk/clean up after and feed the dog (German shepherd) and he's fine with our Alaskan malamute and Doberman.

eurochick · 30/09/2016 21:01

My closest Muslim friend owns a dog. I think views differ!

mscongeniality · 30/09/2016 21:01

I don't think they will care OP. They seem quite relaxed as it is as they are coming to see you together and I'm assuming they are unmarried? Doesn't seem like they are very strict as most orthodox Muslims frown upon dating. I know Muslim families who own dogs as well. The Halal thing is odd though, I've noticed a lot of Muslims are non practicing in almost every way but only eat Halal. I find that baffling but guess that's just a habit from how they grew up.

Penfold007 · 30/09/2016 21:02

If they are happy to sleep in the same room/bed I wouldn't worry too much. If your dog acts as the family guard dog they are 'permissible'

Original poster

DollyBarton · 30/09/2016 21:03

Great, thanks Shadowboy. That makes me feel less worried. She's a bit licky but I'll keep her on her best behaviour and separate her to another room if they seem uncomfortable with her around.

OP posts:

CaspoFungin · 30/09/2016 21:04

Wow, you seem so desperate so treat them "normally" that you are being so OTT. Would u hide all meat if a vegetarian came over?

QuiltedAloeVera · 30/09/2016 21:05

I think you might be going a little overboard, albeit very sweetly. I have a couple of Muslim friends who come for nights out on the town although they don't drink. They don't eat pork but don't expect others not to, etc etc. They're entirely normal about hugs and kisses too. Have a nice weekend!

ItsJustNotRight · 30/09/2016 21:11

Times run out so just sit back and enjoy your weekend, I doubt that she will be offended by anything you do especiallly since you are being so considerate. On the whole most people want to live in harmony and so accept that other people will do things differently without being offended by it. Let's hope you make a lovely new friend.

Alabastard · 30/09/2016 21:13

I'm Muslim. I have a pug.

Byefelisha · 30/09/2016 21:13

Muslims don't see dogs as unclean but their saliva is. So if the dog gets saliva on your clothes you can't pray in them until you wash them. Because dogs saliva can get everywhere muslims tend to not have dogs in their homes as it would be a nightmare to keep clean.
There is also the Hadith that angels do not enter homes with dogs or pictures of people on the wall.

PoldarksBreeches · 30/09/2016 21:13

Nah my Muslim ex had a pet dog. I think you're in danger of tying yourself in knots trying to accommodate them as Muslims whilst forgetting to treat them as normal people

beeny · 30/09/2016 21:16

I am a muslim and think you are being very sweet but think you should check they don't sound very observant ( no judgement ).

Original poster

DollyBarton · 30/09/2016 21:18

The guy comes from an extremely religious and traditional family. I've met his parents and visited their home and their mosque. Wonderful people and welcomed us but I realised afterwards we put our foot unwittingly in a couple of things. So although I know the guy makes his own rules at times I also know time has passed, he may be stricter and also I have no idea about his girlfriend. My sister dated a Muslim guy for 8 years and although he was relaxed in college he became increasingly strict leading to the breakdown of their relationship. So my very limited experience of Muslim people is that I've made mistakes in the past that were unwittingly disrespectful and also that (as with any religion) people sometimes become more religious as they get older. CaspoFungin, no need to sneer.

OP posts:

RaggyDoll1 · 30/09/2016 21:18

I'm a practising muslim and I think its so nice of you to care.
While it is not permissible for Muslims to keep dogs indoors as a pet, they are not responsible for others keeping such a pet. This is one opinion.

Thus they can simply observe the relatively straightforward guidelines related to dogs and purity.

Note, of course, that as Muslims we have nothing “against” dogs, and should treat them with the mercy and concern that we have for all of Allah’s creation.

Some Muslims are not religious and will not make an issue at all.

firawla · 30/09/2016 21:21

I'm Muslim and very afraid of dogs! But that's more a personality thing I suppose, if people are quite religious then the dog saliva could be an issue if they get licked - I would text and ask, just to be on the safe side if you're happy to do that. Personally I would really appreciate if someone went to the effort of removing their dog while I was staying, as I would feel on edge because im scared and not comfy around them - but wouldn't really 'expect' it because I know people want to treat their dog as part of the family. TBH if I know someone has a dog I'd probably not stay over and would rather meet them outside than in the house, but it's not really for religious reasons it's more just normal fear of dogs

Original poster

DollyBarton · 30/09/2016 21:21

And for the record, I think they are completely 'normal' but just have different practices than I am used to.

OP posts:

DiegeticMuch · 30/09/2016 21:22

It's your dog's home too. As long as he's not allowed to jump on/lick/paw visitors (Muslim or otherwise) they can like him or lump him. That woul be my stance as a dog owner anyway.

acasualobserver · 30/09/2016 21:22

I just feel we should make our home as Muslim friendly as possible

That made me laugh out loud and I'm not exactly sure why.

Original poster

DollyBarton · 30/09/2016 21:35

Acasual, I guess it does sound a bit funny, and a little ignorant probably too. I thought good old Google would give me guidance on what could potentially cause stress but discovered there was more observances potentially than I realised. I feel a bit bad for my sisters ex who was an absolute darling and even ate some ham in my granny's quiche lorraine as I tried to grab it back off him. He refused to give it back and shoved it in his mouth to not cause offence to Gran.

OP posts:

Atenco · 30/09/2016 21:36

That is nice of you to be concerned, OP. I have known Muslims to be upset by dogs in the kitchen, as it is a very hygienic religion and dogs are not known for being clean.

Threebedsemii · 30/09/2016 21:39

"Today 21:13 Alabastard

I'm Muslim. I have a pug."

I read this as I have a pig

MeadowHay · 30/09/2016 21:41

Ugh, can people not say things like "Muslims aren't allowed to..." or "Islam says...." and things please. There are like billions of Muslims and sooo many different interpretations of Islam, nobody can speak for Muslims or for Islam. It's fine to share your own beliefs, your own interpretations, and your own experiences but it's really not ok to state them as fact.

I'm Muslim and a massive dog lover. In fact we had a homecheck from a dog rescue just today because I'm planning to rescue one sometime soon. I live with DH who is not a Muslim. My parents are both Muslim, neither of them really like dogs and they wouldn't allow a dog in their home because they believe dogs are "dirty" and that if a dog touched them/their clothes they would have to have a special bath and wash their clothes before they would be clean enough to do their ritual prayer. My dad will generally not knowingly visit peoples' houses if they have a dog, my mum is not bothered and some of her friends (non-Muslim friends) have dogs and she regularly visits them and doesn't really care, she just changes her clothes and gets a wash when she comes home if the dog touches her. My brother also shares this view, my sister is like me and doesn't believe dogs are in any way dirtier than any other animal. I know lots of Muslims, as you'd imagine what with me being a Muslim, and there are lots of different views, you'd have to ask an individual to know really. I know Muslims with dogs, Muslims that think dogs are "dirty" and so wouldn't have one as a pet but are not bothered about occasional interactions with dogs in other peoples houses/whilst out etc, Muslims that hate dogs and wouldn't enter a house with one in, Muslims who are terrified of dogs etc etc.

Also I really think as lovely as you're being, you don't have to worry about their being alcohol and/or pork in your house when they visit. If you know they keep halal and don't drink, then obviously you're not going to offer them those things, and you may not want to drink or eat them right in from of them, but you definitely don't need to ensure they are nowhere in your house! It's your house and everyone understands that people do things differently. I'm Muslim and we have alcohol in our house anyway as I drink! I wouldn't drink in front of my parents as they don't and believe it's a sin, but I'm not going to go around and empty all my cupboards in case they go snooping through them and feel offended or anything.

mamadoc · 30/09/2016 21:45

People are being very harsh on the OP who is only trying to be hospitable.

I have some great Muslim friends but I have been embarrassed by unwitting mistakes with them in the past. It's nice to ask and to accommodate.

Mistakes I have made:
Not knowing about the dog thing and inviting Muslim friend and his new wife who I didn't know at same time as MIL and her 3 dogs. She was very uncomfortable, actually flinching and I felt crap.

Cooking pork for very non-observant Muslim friend who drinks, admits he doesn't believe and has had various girlfriends. Turns out that not eating pork is pretty much the only thing he does observe!

Kissing male Muslim friend on the cheek in greeting at a family gathering in front of his parents and in laws. This was how we normally greeted each other (and how I greet all close friends of both sexes) at other times but apparently is a major no no in front of the older generation.

Breastfeeding (I thought quite discreetly in a corner) at said gathering. I had actually checked that the Koran is in favour but didn't realise not in mixed company. Got politely asked to move. Felt crap.

Getting dress code wrong at a birthday party. Had asked male friend who was a bit clueless and said 'err you know just not tarty'. I should have asked his wife. Although I had managed long sleeves the Knee length skirt was definitely out of place especially as I didn't know sitting on the floor would be involved.

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