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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not of moved

226 replies

Pretenditsaplan · 29/09/2016 18:17

I get half an hour for lunch. During that time I like to sit on a bench near to my work and read. During that time I'll smoke 2 cigarettes one when I first get there and one just before I go back in. Today I'm just lit my second cigarette and just getting to a good bit in my book.

A lady with a screaming kid in a pushchair sits on the bench next to me. Not on one of the equally pleasant but slightly further away from the fag smoke benches but on a bench so close if there hadn't of been arm rest between us we'd of be touching. I thought it was a little weird but she was probably just harassed dealing with little ones temper tantrum.

She calms the girl down and starts feeding her some lunch. I get on with my book. She does that little cough thingy to get my attention. I glance up and she's pulling her face like shes stepped in dog shit but says nothing so I ignore her. She steps up the fake coughing and when I don't look up this time leans over and says pointedly "that's going in my face"

I'm a little non plussed because there's 8 benches around a small town square and I'm the only one smoking. Behind is a flower bed thing were another lady is perched also smoking. There's 3 other sides all smoke free. I mumbled an apology and tried to hurry my fag.

At this point she's raises her voice and says "I think it's disgusting your smoking next to a child that's eating." By now I'm getting annoyed. She chose to sit there and if she hadn't noticed me to begin with she could of easily moved before starting to pass her child wotsits. I point out very calmly I was smoking when she sat down. She tells me I should of moved as soon as she did and she shouldn't have to put up with it.

At this point I'm almost finished and about to go back to work when she goes on a tirade that I shouldn't be smoking anyway that I was too young and it was illegal in public places. I finish my fag and tell her not only am I 30 and can smoke if I damn well please it's illegal to smoke in enclosed public places but outside it's perfectly legal. (At which point I hear a laugh from the woman behind me.) Angry lady gathers her things and storms off and sits on the benches opposite glaring at me. By this time my breaks finishing and and saunter past her with a big smile and a wave.

What annoyed me was the assumption even though I'd been sitting there well before she got there I should move as she's so much more important. But I've been having a bad day so maybe I should of bowed down to her mightiness and and just moved. Wibu to not just move as soon as she sat down?

OP posts:
ItShouldOfBeenJess · 30/09/2016 01:00

pretend

Fuck them. Seriously. Nasty little twats.

hmcAsWas · 30/09/2016 01:01

Worra - beautifully put!

Pretend - and I mean this sincerely, its obvious from your posts that you are as sharp as a tack. The grammar lapses are completely irrelevant. Getting back to the thread - YANBU

Amalfimamma · 30/09/2016 01:09

worra great post.

It's just a pity that the usual suspects will see it as nasty and full of errors. They don't need to give their heads a shake but they need to give their whole beings a good shake and give themselves a kick up the hole while they are about it.

There is nothing I abhor more than grammar police on a support forum, oh and those who want to be Ruth while in fact they are Vicky Pollard

CrazyNameCrazyGuy · 30/09/2016 01:32

crazy. Do you remember when they had smoking carriages on trains?

Hell yes! Plus ashtrays on planes and being able to smoke at my desk at work. Law,d I am one step short of being mummified in the grand scheme of things Blush

ItShouldOfBeenJess · 30/09/2016 01:34

And cinema seats had little ashtrays on the back of them... (buries head in hands and sobs)

CrazyNameCrazyGuy · 30/09/2016 01:41

LOL Jess! Forgot about cinemas Grin One of my friends hasn't been to see a film since they banned smoking. She gave up cigs 10 years ago but has still refused to go back on principle

Praise the lawd for Netflix.

chinlo · 30/09/2016 02:10

Honestly, I think some people are so highly strung on the internet

You're not exactly coming across as a bastion of tranquility yourself tbh

SabineUndine · 30/09/2016 04:07

Getting back to the original post, YANBU. I say this as a non smoker who hates smoking. I think this woman sat down next to you deliberately so she could grind her non smoking axe. Why else would she not sit somewhere different? She's got a problem.

FoxesOnSocks · 30/09/2016 04:12

Muphry's Law in full swing on this thread I see.

TheMaddHugger · 30/09/2016 05:37

ywnbu OP

To not of moved
ThenLaterWhenItGotDark · 30/09/2016 09:32

Rather aptly popped up on my FB page.

To not of moved
OhtoblazeswithElvira · 30/09/2016 09:43

Worra
Cheap and irrelevant to the thread.

OP the only people vilified on this thread have been the grammar pedants. The posts competing in inverted snobbery far outweigh, in number and shoutiness, the of/have ones.

I guess it's only a matter of time before this thread is zapped now - the bunfight has started. However there were a few shocking posts last night. The people who tell others to take a hard look at themselves are missing the irony imo.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 30/09/2016 09:54

It is not inverted snobbery to point out the rudeness of the grammar pedants. I know plenty of pedants who wouldn't dream of correcting someone on a chat forum.

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark · 30/09/2016 10:12

Takes a special kind of unpleasant to say that about Worra's post, which quite frankly, should be copied and pasted onto every thread where people lay into an OP because of their SPaG.

And don't do the fluttery eyelash thing about those of us defending the OP against such bile. We (well, I) are simply momentarily descending to a level you might understand, given your own predilection of offence. Fear not, though, I am able to raise myself back up to the MHG pdq. Unlike some.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 30/09/2016 10:50

If someone has a post full of errors, would you bother to correct every single one? I doubt it.

WorraLiberty · 30/09/2016 11:04

Worra
Cheap and irrelevant to the thread.

It's exactly relevant to every thread imo, unless the OP has specifically asked for help with their SPAG, or the mistakes lead people to misunderstand what they're saying.

Imagine (for example) a parent making an appointment to see a teacher/doctor/midwife/therapist or anyone else they need advice/support from.

They sit down, explain their problem and are met with "Excuse me, did you just say should of? It's should have. I'm sorry but this is a real bugbear of mine when people come to see me. Why can't they use the English language properly?"

"Now, what was it you came to see me about?"

Do you think that's an acceptable way to treat someone and do you think they'll ever bother to go and see that person again for advice?

Well just because this is a faceless chat forum where people come for advice/support, I don't think pulling people up is any more acceptable.

It probably just makes them feel like shit and they're unlikely to bother next time.

ItShouldOfBeenJess · 30/09/2016 11:22

There is a fairly frequent poster on MN who almost always gets pulled up for her grammar within the first few responses.

A little while ago, there was a thread about things that make you irrationally annoyed. She posted about her struggles with grammar, and how frustrated she is about it. I could have cried. If it continues, she will probably eventually stop posting.

Forums can be a lifeline for people, and shutting people down for minor, inconsequential errors is bullying. Full fucking stop.

Also Elvira, you may or may not have noticed that the OP thanked Worra for her input directly. So hardly irrelevant to the thread.

SpeckledyBanana · 30/09/2016 11:25

I hate smoking (born-again non-smoker here). But you were there first, so YANBU I suppose.

5OBalesofHay · 30/09/2016 13:30

MaddHugger your picture is a shining example of what the internet was invented for. Genius Grin

ghostspirit · 01/10/2016 08:58

I don't use grammar unless my phone does it for me. I don't even know how to use it. I don't give a toss if someone picks me up on it.

Says more about that person than it does me.

I hope that poster jess is talking about would never feel she can't post.

LadyConstanceDeCoverlet · 01/10/2016 09:55

People get incredibly and disproportionately aggressive about the slightest comment about grammar on here. I must say, if you want to derail a thread, the quickest way to do so is to pick someone up on grammar: the original point will be instantly forgotten as loads of people will be eager to leap in and demonstrate their moral superiority over the dreadful pedant.

WorraLiberty · 01/10/2016 13:31

Another reason why it's best not to do it then Lady.

Other people's grammar has precisely fuck all to do with anyone else, as long as the posts are understandable.

Lweji · 01/10/2016 14:41

I don't use grammar unless my phone does it for me. I don't even know how to use it.

To be pedantic, did your phone write those sentences?
Everyone uses grammar when they talk or write.
Understand or would nobody it.
Wink

ghostspirit · 01/10/2016 15:13

lweji that wooshed over my head

Lweji · 01/10/2016 15:18

Grammar is the set of rules that make up a language, in addition to the actual words. It has to do with how we order the words and which words we use.
You can't communicate without using grammar. So, you can't say that you don't use grammar, or that the phone does it for you.

What your phone has is a spell checker.

Anyway, I hope that clears it. :)