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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to give visiting kids snacks

77 replies

Ihearthickson · 29/09/2016 17:40

We live on a small estate with a park where all the local children congregate & I have 2 kids. They have recently become friends with 2 other children who go to the same nursery and school and I was happy to invite them in to play. However they now come over nearly every night and at the weekend uninvited often for at least an hour. I don't mind this (well I do a bit) and the kids get on but the main issue is they are constantly asking me for drinks and snacks! My two ask as well, naturally. I feel I can't say yes to my kids and no to them but equally, im getting a bit fed up with catering for 4 kids every day - it's costing me a fortune! Any suggestions how to handle this? I'm obviously too soft!

OP posts:
fittedcupboard · 29/09/2016 17:43

Why would you have someone else's kids even night?

WowOoo · 29/09/2016 17:44

Say 'if you want food, you'll need to go home. I don't want to spoil your dinner.'

I bought a 6 pack of Hula Hoops today and they've gone already as my kind son offered them to everyone who was here! I really don't mind, but not all the time.

QuiteLikely5 · 29/09/2016 17:45

You could tell your children that when others are there you aren't providing snack.

In your shoes though I would offer carrot or cucumber every single time. And water.

acasualobserver · 29/09/2016 17:46

Make your snacks less nice. You could, for example, buy some cheap biscuits and let them go a little bit stale.

SocksRock · 29/09/2016 17:46

Water and carrots. Or they go home.

SweetChickadee · 29/09/2016 17:48

You don't have to let them in your house, if you don't want to.

MrsMiniaturePixie · 29/09/2016 17:50

Had this issue, resolved it by saying if the other kids asked for snacks 'if your hhungr its time to go home and ask mummy for snack'. Give water as a drink. Will soon stop! Also if turning up to play at inconvenient times say DC can't play right now. They are kids you don't have to justify your reasons to them. I also told my DC to not ask on their behalf. I'm amazed at the cheek on kids I'd be cross with mine asking other parents for snacks etc. And the kids told our DC we had 'better' snacks than at home! (chocolate biscuits, crisps, juice cartons) whereas at home it world be plain biscuits or water so they were trying to pull a fast one!

WorraLiberty · 29/09/2016 17:51

Forget the snacks for a minute.

I really don't understand parents who allow other kids in their houses uninvited, if they're not happy about it.

Just why would you?

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 29/09/2016 17:51

Do their parents even know they're at yours?

Trojanhorsebox · 29/09/2016 17:52

I offer drinks and snacks to invited and occasional visitors.

I wouldn't want other people's kids round every day so if that's the main problem, that is the one to address - send them home if you don't want them in your house. If you are happy for them to come in sometimes then invite them at your convenience and don't let them in at other times. Depends on the age I suppose - if your kids are independently inviting them and opening the door to them when they turn up uninvited, then it's your kids you need to talk to.

If you don't mind having the kids round but the issue is cost, that's easy..........if they are thirsty offer water, if they are hungry they can go home and eat.

You are the adult, you are in charge of who comes into your home and what , if any, snacks are offered - if they're coming every day they are pushing their luck and will carry on doing so as long as you let them. The parents either don't care about the imposition, or assume you don't mind as you haven't set limits.

BuntyFigglesworthSpiffington · 29/09/2016 17:53

Start giving spoonfuls of cod liver oil as snacks.

They'll soon bugger off.

Trojanhorsebox · 29/09/2016 17:53

slow typing - massive cross post with everyone else !

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 29/09/2016 17:55

You mentioned nursery so I'm assuming the youngest is what 4 years old, I wouldn't be comfortable having a DC that young in my house and not being sure the parents even know they're there.

Original poster
Ihearthickson · 29/09/2016 17:57

Thanks for the responses. You're right I don't have to let them in, but my kids do enjoy playing with them. It's hard to say no to them (they're only 6 & 3) with my kids jumping around in the background all excited they've come to play! I could toughen up on the frequency though and set some limits. I think the 'go home for food I don't want to spoil your dinner' is a good one to try, but I got the response 'mum doesn't mind' the other day Hmm

OP posts:
fittedcupboard · 29/09/2016 17:58

You're being used as free childcare. Start sending them home, playdates only if convenient for you and prearranged.

SaucyJack · 29/09/2016 18:00

I'm quite sure Mum doesn't mind you watching and feeding her kids for free.....

Toughen up dude!

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 29/09/2016 18:01

I got the response 'mum doesn't mind' the other day

Hmm what a surprise...

ImperialBlether · 29/09/2016 18:01

So how often do your children go to their house? It should be a fair exchange, not one woman lying on a sofa watching TV while the other one minds all the kids!

TattyCat · 29/09/2016 18:05

but I got the response 'mum doesn't mind' the other day

Your response? No, but I do...

Original poster
Ihearthickson · 29/09/2016 18:11

I know, I know! I need to be more strict. As I say, it really want a problem to begin with but they are round a lot now. I don't think mum actually realises how much time they spend her and thinks they are at the park.....

OP posts:
paxillin · 29/09/2016 18:12

3&6 ??? The usual response to them knocking on the door without parents would be "Oops, did you slip out when mummy didn't look? Let's take you two cheeky monkeys back, come on, jolly jolly!" where I live.

eddiemairswife · 29/09/2016 18:13

When my children were small we didn't have snacks. I used to give them and any visiting children a plain biscuit and a cup of orange squash while they watched Playschool.

Floggingmolly · 29/09/2016 18:14

Do 3 year old's really go "uninvited" to other people's houses? Does the mum know where they are??

chitofftheshovel · 29/09/2016 18:14

My god, I wouldn't be allowing my 3 year old to wonder around "supervised" by my 6 year old.

Researchingamove · 29/09/2016 18:14

I wouldn't be comfortable having other children in my home until I knew for sure their parents knew if it - regardless of how much my children liked them.

Would you be happy for your 3yr and 6yr old to be in somebody's house and you not know about it?

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