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AIBU?

To not want to give visiting kids snacks

77 replies

Ihearthickson · 29/09/2016 17:40

We live on a small estate with a park where all the local children congregate & I have 2 kids. They have recently become friends with 2 other children who go to the same nursery and school and I was happy to invite them in to play. However they now come over nearly every night and at the weekend uninvited often for at least an hour. I don't mind this (well I do a bit) and the kids get on but the main issue is they are constantly asking me for drinks and snacks! My two ask as well, naturally. I feel I can't say yes to my kids and no to them but equally, im getting a bit fed up with catering for 4 kids every day - it's costing me a fortune! Any suggestions how to handle this? I'm obviously too soft!

OP posts:

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Floggingmolly · 29/09/2016 18:16

She thinks they're at the park? . Seriously? 6 and 3; and she doesn't actually know where they are... That's neglect, in my book.

chitofftheshovel · 29/09/2016 18:16

Surely a biscuit is a snack, eddie?

Ihearthickson · 29/09/2016 18:17

We've kind of touched on another issue - my kids never go there because I like to know where they are and I'm not convinced how well they would be supervised there - and they haven't been invited. I wouldn't let them just knock. I feel a bit of a fool typing all this now......as obviously I'm letting it happen here.

OP posts:

Believeitornot · 29/09/2016 18:19

6&3 and left in supervised?!

What the fuck?

I'd be having words. What planet is their mother on?

RattieOfCatan · 29/09/2016 18:21

They're 6 and 3? Where on earth are their parents?! Kids playing out is normal but a 6 and 3 year old playing out seemingly without supervision really isn't. Unless they are watched coming to your door because they know you'll let them in...

AnythingMcAnythingface · 29/09/2016 18:21

3 and 6 and mum doesn't know where they are. That's quite shocking, no?

redskytonight · 29/09/2016 18:21

We regularly have children popping in and out, some of whom I literally have no clue who they are (well, I have half a clue after they've popped in a few times but no idea where they live or who their parents are). But all the DC are at least 8 or 9. 3 and 6 is far too young to be knocking at doors without parents pre-arranging it!!

As for your actual question - I offer randoms drinks and plain biscuits, they generally don't partake and I pack them off home at meal times.

Starryeyed16 · 29/09/2016 18:22

They go to the park on their own at 3 and 6 😮 I wouldn't let my 6 year old play out let alone leave them in charge of a three year old!

musicinspring1 · 29/09/2016 18:22

Erm no way do 3 and 6 year olds go to the park or neighbours houses without parental supervision around here. I'd be taking them back home. ...

eddiemairswife · 29/09/2016 18:23

Yes, I was being a bit tongue in cheek, but on here I'm constantly reading about breadsticks, bits of carrot ,cucumber etc being offered constantly. People seem to have 'snack cupboards' full of healthy snacks where children have free access. By the way, I haven't seen rice-cakes mentioned for months. Have they fallen out of favour?

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 29/09/2016 18:25

Same with PPs a 3 year old and no clue where they are or who they're with! I'm not surprised you wouldn't want the to go to their house. Poor kids, it's getting darker earlier as well now, I really hope they're not allowed to wander about when it's cold and dark - not that it's your responsibility iheart!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 29/09/2016 18:26

I would go down the route of offering squash if they ask for a drink - that isn't too expensive, and maybe just offer a plain biscuit or a piece of fruit. Or make your own plain popcorn - you don't need a popcorn maker, you can just do it in a saucepan with a lid, and I imagine it would keep too - so you wouldn't have to make it every time.

You have every right to refuse to give them snacks every time they ask - say it is too close to your dc's teatime, or just say 'not today, I'm afraid'.

PersianCatLady · 29/09/2016 18:27

I see this quite a lot when I am out walking the dog as there are a lot of houses with young families in a crescent around the park.

You see groups of kids going in and out of people's houses and sometimes there are mums who want to put their own kids to bed but there is no one around to take the visiting kids home.

What gets me is the age at which these kids are playing out unsupervised. I regularly see kids that are young enough to not have started school yet hanging out on the street as it is getting dark.

harderandharder2breathe · 29/09/2016 18:27

Absolutely yanbu

Give plain water if they want a drink, and tell them to go home if they're hungry

PersianCatLady · 29/09/2016 18:29

thinks they are at the park.....
Not good enough for a 3 year old, 13 year old maybe.

BitOutOfPractice · 29/09/2016 18:29

"I don't think mum actually realises how much time they spend her and thinks they are at the park."

At 3 and 6? Really?

I think that's much more of an issue than the snacks, though I can understand why you're getting pissed off at it

Beebeeeight · 29/09/2016 18:30

Parents should know where their 3 year olds are.

Next time they come round take them straight home and see how the parents react.

If they seem under the influence or otherwise neglectful you need to phone social work.

MissMargie · 29/09/2016 18:32

I wouldn't offer anything but water and a very plain biscuit.

Let the DCs know that Ihearthickson 's house is very strict and you won't get anything there. Then they'll stay away or only come because they actually want to play with your DCs.

paxillin · 29/09/2016 18:32

Seriously, a 3 and 6 year old would be taken home immediately and I'd expect the parents to profusely thank me and assure me what e relief it is I found them.

chitofftheshovel · 29/09/2016 18:35

Ah, sorry Eddie I get it now tee hee.

Ihearthickson · 29/09/2016 18:36

I don't think it's neglect - but I think parents are very laidback/naive. In a way, that why I don't mind the kids being here - they are nice kids and mine enjoy playing with them. I do ask them to leave most nights though at 6ish (but was that dad only came to find them at the park at 7.15 the other night).

OP posts:

AdmiralData · 29/09/2016 18:37

Did anybody else on this thread grow up on an estate where you'd have at least two friends aged about 6/7 onwards with the 6+ month old baby in a pram? Big gang of kids, boys and girls, lots of siblings just playing together?
I digress. Op some of the advice on here is sound. Use it and don't be anyone's doormat :)

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NovemberInDailyFailLand · 29/09/2016 18:37

I'd wonder if they're getting fed at home, tbh. Strong hint of neglect here.

PersianCatLady · 29/09/2016 18:39

dad only came to find them at the park at 7.15 the other night
I am sorry but at 3 & 6 that is neglect.

Anybody who does not know where their 3 & 6 year olds are at 7:15 is clearly not got their eye on the ball and the issue is why haven't they?

AmeliaJack · 29/09/2016 18:40

Your house. Your rules.

Stop being such a doormat. Take charge!!

"Mum doesn't mind"
"yes but I do, off you pop home"

I'd send them home every time they ask for a snack. Two birds one stone.

And if you don't want them there tell your kids in advance they won't be allowed in.

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