Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4

AIBU?

To not want to give visiting kids snacks

77 replies

Ihearthickson · 29/09/2016 17:40

We live on a small estate with a park where all the local children congregate & I have 2 kids. They have recently become friends with 2 other children who go to the same nursery and school and I was happy to invite them in to play. However they now come over nearly every night and at the weekend uninvited often for at least an hour. I don't mind this (well I do a bit) and the kids get on but the main issue is they are constantly asking me for drinks and snacks! My two ask as well, naturally. I feel I can't say yes to my kids and no to them but equally, im getting a bit fed up with catering for 4 kids every day - it's costing me a fortune! Any suggestions how to handle this? I'm obviously too soft!

OP posts:

Report

AmeliaJack · 29/09/2016 18:42

Oh and I agree with pp, 3yo is too young to be knocking. I wouldn't!be looking after a 3yo without prior arrangement.

YeOldMa · 29/09/2016 18:43

I wondered that too NovemberInDailyFailLand . I can't imagine anyone not knowing where their 3 and 6 year olds are. It is inappropriate care and I'd be inclined to have a word with the NSPCC for advice. You don't have to give names and addresses until you've heard their view on it.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 29/09/2016 18:45

Kind of Admiral it was at a friends and it was sort of a gated park so at least they knew the littler ones were contained within that area iykwim. But even as a kid I distinctly remember parents hanging about or popping in and out keeping en eye out (the youngest was probably about 2 year old as well).

Only looking for a 6 and a 3 year old after 7pm! Sorry but it's all worryingly pointing towards neglect here, there's laid back and then there's this.

Ihearthickson · 29/09/2016 18:47

Looks of great advice here, and I'll take it on the chin that I've been a bit of a walkover and I need to take control!
I've noted posters concern about the kids (which kind of backs up mine).
Thank you all.

OP posts:

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 29/09/2016 18:50

iheart It's not you it's them! You've been kind and generous, it's just a shame your neighbours are willing to take advantage of that.

MrsHam13 · 29/09/2016 18:53

I have a six and three year old..also have a park about six houses down. Absolutely no way would I let them go to the park alone. What would happen if the six year old fell off something and knocked themselves unconcious and no one else was at the park?

Happyhippy45 · 29/09/2016 18:57

In my experience, if kids aren't getting enough adult input they quite often will seek out a surrogate. I was that surrogate doormat for quite a few years. They were older children, 8 through 12 and after school would be home alone until parents finished work. School finished at 2.30pm, parents not home until at least 6.30. I took pity on them. Some days when I went to pick up my own kids from school I'd end up with a mini van full of (the same) kids, heading back to mine to be taken care of. Some parents pre arranged me picking up and were really grateful. They had no other options for childcare. Some didn't pre arrange or even acknowledge my existence. Their kids were left to their own devices after school. I had one kid who was a vegetarian who asked if he could stay for tea. We were having chicken and I had no veggie options to offer. He said it was ok, he'd eat chicken. (Rather than go home) Broke my heart.
It's great you can offer them somewhere safe to be for a time but ultimately they are not your responsibility. Give them carrot sticks/piece of fruit and say NO if you can't be bothered dealing with them. I wish I'd said NO a lot sooner.

bummyknocker · 29/09/2016 18:59

Is this right, the dad find his kids in the park at 7.15 at night, unsupervised?

I'd be calling the Police.

Never mind the snacks, they are being neglected, OP can you not see that having a A 6 AND 3 yr old in your house with mum having no idea where they are is just plain WRONG???

Bestthingever · 29/09/2016 19:01

I've had this and my solution has been to offer only healthy snacks eg carrots, apples, water etc. Hide the crisps and biscuits. It never fails!

IlPorcupinoNilSodomyEst · 29/09/2016 19:02

Ooh I've had this with a visiting oik - he announced 'I'm hungry!' After turning up uninvited (age 10 though) so I said 'never mind, you're going home in a minute, I'm sure your mum will feed you!'. Bright and breezy is the key.

areyouonemail · 29/09/2016 19:14

I used to do this when I was a kid, go to a friends houses and hope there would be some snacks, because at home we had none we were extremely poor, also friends houses were warmer and cleaner. I personally would find out why they are spending more time at yours in a subtle (never knew that's how you spell subtle!) way. ie.. "what kind of snacks do you have at home?"

Aeroflotgirl · 29/09/2016 19:17

Where are the parents! Nursery children should be with a parent, not wandering the streets with other kids. If you don't want them there, send them home.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/09/2016 19:18

a 6 year old is too young to be wandering the streets, especially with a 3 year old, I would be calling 101, its neglect!

LittleBearPad · 29/09/2016 19:27

I don't think it's neglect

It is. They are three and six. They shouldn't be out unsupervised.

PersianCatLady · 29/09/2016 19:31

Another issue is what are the parents doing that prevents them watching their kids?

I doubt that they would be at work whilst their 3 & 6 year olds rom the streets, so what are they doing?

Starlight234 · 29/09/2016 19:44

My 9 year old is not allowed in anyone's house without my permission.. He is allowed to play on the street.

If I knew a 6 and 3 year old were on the park at 7.15 I would be calling in services.

Poor kids. This needs resolving as what are they going to do when winter draws in..

Ihearthickson · 29/09/2016 19:55

I get the concern.
It's kind of gone off topic to what I was originally posting re:snacks (maybe I subconsciously wanted to get some advice).
I didn't realise they were at the park at 7.15 until I heard dad. I would have intervened before hand 'I'm sure mum is wondering where you are' if I'd known. It has only happened once to my knowledge now the nights are drawing in, otherwise I would have been more worried.
Certainly one parent is at home on the nights they are out. There is a younger child at home who doesn't come out.
Thanks to all posters who have given me their opinions. I see that I perhaps need to keep a closer eye on the situation. If for any reason I did feel the need to report, what do I do? Police? Children's Services?

OP posts:

Ironfloor · 29/09/2016 20:01

This happens to me. However, I don't mind my DD's friends coming into our house and their parents don't mind them coming in and vice versa. They do ask whether they could come into play though. And my house is very boring snack-wise. We only have a few fruits, water, maybe juice. And the kids rarely ask for snack. If they do, I let them have said fruits, water etc. and they are satsfied. When my DD goes to their houses, she gets offered snacks, too. It's no big deal. But these kids are polite and sweet.

Starlight234 · 29/09/2016 20:05

In terms of reporting..If you feel children are in immediate danger..Ring police, concerns ring SS..

The thing with SS is sometimes little bits of information help to build up a complete picture.your information may be part of a puzzle.

Ellieboolou27 · 29/09/2016 20:07

I think the snacks / drink issue is the least of your concerns, you seem caring and kind but I would feel the need to contact social services NOW based on what you've mentioned.
I'm laid back, however I wouldn't let my children out unsupervised at these ages. You hear stories of kids being taken, this sounds like a prime example of how kids get snatched.
Feel sorry for the kids.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 29/09/2016 20:11

Of course they're not "well supervised"

They're 3 and 6 and their parebts dont know where the fuck they are! I'd be calling SS or 101. I have a 6 yo and like any orher sane person know her whereabouts 24/7.

MrsJayy · 29/09/2016 20:11

Send them home they don't need to come in every day just say X &Y are not playing today and close the door the parents must love you .as for the snacks offer water and a rich tea or something equally as dull

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

OlennasWimple · 29/09/2016 20:12

If you think the children are being neglected, you should report to SS or the police. NPSCC also take anonymous referrals.

You need to learn to manage other people's children, though - if you're being walked over when they are 3 and 6, think what will happen when your children have friends over in ten years time...

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 29/09/2016 20:18

iheart Please don't feel like we're pointing the finger - certainly not at you anyway. You weren't to know and let's face it you have your own DC to look after! Thing is it should be their parents not you looking out for them, then in the absence of that then yes SS need to be involved.

I don't envy you it's a shitty situation.

Dinosaursgoboo · 29/09/2016 20:23

I can't bear being asked for snacks all the time. I never mind drinks but think it's really rude to ask for food. I guess I can't have been allowed to ask as a child. In my house we have snack time for whoever is here. But if it's not snacktime then there's no food on offer and the answer is 'no'.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.