to think you don't text people when you'd expect them to be asleep?

[bibbitybobbityyhat]

I have terrible insomnia and have been awake since 3am . I was actually just drifting back to sleep at 5am when I received a text from a friend!! So that's me woken up for the day. I can't think why you would do that?

Voicemail is shit. It's never OK to deliberately aim to leave a voicemail. If you call me on the phone and accidentally encounter voicemail, I would prefer that you hung up and left a text.

Of course it's ok to deliberately leave a voice mail!
I did one yesterday . I knew my boss was in an urgent meeting but OFSTED had arrived.i was able to tell her more information than a text.
There are times when I may or may not need a lift from my soon after he has had cricket practice I leave a message saying which way knowing he will pick it up later...and so on. I have had voice messages saying Hi Jill, I know you are busy but just to let you know there has been a change of plan.
Far better those messages were left than someone hanging up and then being left clueless!

I wouldn't send a text at unsocial hours and think it is rude. Lots of people are describing their own personal circumstances (eg whether they have a landline, whether they need to be able to take emergency calls) and their phone features but you have to respect that not everyone is the same as you and - unless it's an emergency (in which case you'd probably phone) -why not just send it at a convenient time?

Clearly I'm not very popular as no-one texts me in the middle of the night

Am I right that the fancy DND features with exceptions and overrides only come with smart phones? (Obviously I know that basic phones have some features! but assume none of them can do the 'favourites' exception?). If so, it's interesting to see that on another thread people are discussing an article which said that 80% of UK population now have smart phones - which does mean 20% still don't have one, and therefore can't do fancy DND to allow for emergency calls.

Also interesting that many people would expect emergency calls to go the landline. My landline simply doesn't feature in my dc's consciousness, or that of most close friends who might call in an emergency - they always call my mobile. I haven't said to my dc 'in an emergency at night, phone ll because my mobile will be switched off' because I think in a crisis you want to keep things as simple as possible. Same applies to a 'ring twice to override' feature - I wouldn't want to rely on a hospital or police to think of trying that.

So, for now I switch the landline off and keep the mobile on. And mine is either noisy or quiet - I can't have texts off and calls on. (I accept I am very cheapy!) But it is a good point that texts sometimes come through with a delay.

Why not just send it at a convenient time?
Clearly my bank and the automated course booking service thought the middle of the night was convenient time!!

And as for saying people r e talking about their personal circumstances, well of course they are! It's offering a different perspective and chatting!

Some days getting a text at 10.00am would disturb me because of my sleep/work pattern. Oops there I go again, describing my personal circumstance. But that's the beauty of text, send when convenient, respond when convenient.

"Am I right that the fancy DND features with exceptions and overrides only come with smart phones? "

Those features don't come with all smartphones - I think pretty much all smartphones have a silent mode (although mine still lights up the room if a text comes in!) - but that doesn't allow you to receive emergency calls (eg calls from certain people or if someone is trying to ring you repeatedly). I think a minority of the latest phones have these features.

"which does mean 20% still don't have one, and therefore can't do fancy DND to allow for emergency calls. "

I imagine that someone having a "Luddite" phone is far more likely to have a landline as well. We won't be getting rid of our landline for multiple reasons that I won't bore you with, but it is still our default phone for emergencies.

"And as for saying people r e talking about their personal circumstances, well of course they are!"

The second half of that sentence was "but you have to respect that not everyone is the same as you" - e.g. If your phone's features mean a text or call at 3am wouldn't disturb you, you can't assume that it's therefore fine to start contacting anyone in your contact list at 3 am as their circumstances might be different.

This thread is a bit 'cancel the cheque' but as somebody who works in a building in which mobile phones aren't allowed, I know that large sections of the population do not know their phone has a silent function.

I know this from train travel too. Even my own lovely sister has this loud infuriating text alert noise which she wouldn't ever think of switching off.

So it's all very well saying 'but doesn't simply everybody put their phone on silent?', but the answer is no. Simply everybody does not. For a large number of phone users, silent isn't something they consider.

I reply to a text message when I see it, if I don't do it straight away, I forget all about it and people take the hump.

I am an early bird, my friend is a night owl - she will text me past midnight and I often reply at 4am.

I don't have my phone by my side at nights, but can understand why people do. I expect the sensible thing to do is adjust the settings - I can make mine ring, but silence the notifications ding as you can see, I am highly technically minded

It is difficult - 3am may be antisocial to many people, but what about shift workers being constantly disturbed by sales calls etc?

I'm really surprised that so few people on this thread seem to text internationally? At least half the texts I send and receive are imessages to and from other countries. I don't convert to their time zones when I'm sending, and they don't convert to mine. It would be ridiculous? Isn't texting now an international phenomenon? People all round the world send texts whenever. Its surely up to you as the recipient to decide when you receive them?

"I think a minority of the latest phones have these features."

erm no. iPhones and Samsung phones have had them for several years I think. These two phones account for the majority of the smartphone market in the U.K. (My bf in that industry says 90%?) so that's not true.

The fact that enabling DND is on the shortcut menu for both iPhones and Samsungs would suggest that it's a central / popular function

What's strange is the mentality that communication is something that should be done with zero thought as to how the message will be received by the person you are sending it to.

Sending messages to people at times they are likely to be annoyed by receivibg them is the equivalent of going up to someome at their Dad's funeral and telling them all about your new job.

Because it suits you to have that conversation right at that moment, and their feelings on the matter are irrelevant, because what you want to communicate and when is all that matters.

Communication technologies change certain things about how we can communicate, but they don't magiv away the fact that we are people.

Asynchronous communication does not mean you get to be a cunt and pass on the burden of dealing with your cuntiness to other people.

It's the same as being a cunt in a non-phone mediated situation.

Sending messages to people at times they are likely to be annoyed by receivibg them is the equivalent of going up to someome at their Dad's funeral and telling them all about your new job.

It's really not. It's more like phoning someone to tell them about your new job, completely unaware that they are at their dad's funeral, then them blaming you because they hadn't turned their phone off.
If you're not available you need to make yourself unavailable.

So if my friend who usually lives in Australia has gone on holiday to Venezuela I should convert to her temporary time zone before answering her text............? (Otherwise its like talking to her about my new job at her father's funeral?)

No, because you know it is the middle of the night.

It's not something you are unaware of.

Most people don't like being woken up at night. So why do something that is likely to wake them up?

It's just bizarre.

If you know someone is in another timezone, why wouldn't you factor that into a decision to send a noisy message to their phone?

It's a very simple and quick calculation and people with friends all over the world are comfortable doing it.

A big part of a message is how it is received. It is just fucking weird to give that zero thought.

It turns out I was wrong that different communication technologies hadn't ruined people's basic understanding of how to communicate.

"I need to say this thing in my head right this second and I don't give a fuck about how the person I'm sending it to feels. Because I'm so modern."

Ridiculous.

I think we will have to disagree on this one. (I didn't even know she was IN Venezuela, let alone what the time zone was...) Perhaps different groups of people think differently about this. So in my group of people its perfectly fine and acceptable, but not in yours.....? Seems plausible.

If you didn't know she was in Venezuela, then there is no way you could have adjusted your communication to accommodate that fact.

So your point was what, exactly?

That we can't take things we don't know into consideration?

Wow, what a revelation.

Do you think it then follows that because you don't know everything, there is no point in using information that you do have?

I think it is general practice for human beings to consider the recipient of any message, in any medium, before issuing it.

The idea that having a fancy phone means you can just brain dump to other people at your convenience and tough shit on them if they don't like it involves a fundamental misunderstanding of what communication is.

Gosh DIF - I thought I was being fair and conciliatory, even though I disagree with you. You are very very rude in your posts you know.

Nope, no bad experiences.

I sleep well and don't mind being woken up.

My friends are all capable of two way communication without being total twats about it.

I'm just fascinated by the idea that any type of communication should be done with zero thought given to how the message is received.

It's so bizarre to me that people think technology has done away with the need for basic consideration of the person or people you are talking to.

I have WhatsApp groups that go all night and others that have a sundown and a sunrise.

I am well able (and I have only just realised how amazing I am for this, I had presumed it was standard) to understand that different people and different grouos have different cultures and expectations.

I'm a friend you could text at 5am. It wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

But I know it bothers some people, so I am judicious about whom I text late.

Deciding that because some people switch off their phones/manage their alerts differently at night/are in different timezones that means it is The Rules that texts can be sent to anyone at any time is just bizarre.

I am very much enjoying reading about The Rules and the people who are totally happy kmposing them on other people.

"I'm really surprised that so few people on this thread seem to text internationally?"

Why? I don't have anyone that I would text who doesn't live in the UK. When DD and I went to Florida in the summer I would Whatsapp OH at a time that was suitable for both of us.

I have friends who live in the US, but we use Facebook to stay in touch.

I have family all over the world and at one point or other - someone is always asleep. They text me when they are awake and vice versa. Put your phone on silent if it bothers you perhaps?