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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't think I should cook every night

763 replies

LurkyLurkerMcLurkface · 28/09/2016 17:10

I'm on maternity leave at the moment with 8 month DS. DH works full time and is out of the house 8am-6pm. Our evening routine is pretty set, he gets in and takes DS, I get food ready for DS. He'll then sit with DS while he eats. He then does books/bath and I do final feed and settle. I then come down and cook
Every. Fucking. Night
Last night I'd had enough and cooked for myself and left him to it. He's been sulking since.
AIBU to think this should be a shared job?

OP posts:
Mozfan1 · 29/09/2016 17:40

bunty you hero Flowers

Wink
Bear2014 · 29/09/2016 17:47

Can't believe more people aren't suggesting just getting some ready meals in. Yes it can be very hard work looking after a baby all day, and hard work being at work all day. Why not just bung a ready meal in a couple of times a week and put your feet up while OH does bathtime? Then cook a couple of times and make sure at least one of the recipes has leftovers for another night/next week. Maybe get a takeaway at the weekend. It's about surviving the baby and toddler years with your sanity and relationship intact. Not really the time to be cooking your way through your cook book shelf.

BuntyFigglesworthSpiffington · 29/09/2016 17:48

Thanks Moz. If only someone had offered me those flowers in my single days. I could have nibbled on the stems for sustenance rather than using the last of my energy to stir a risotto..........

Jaxhog · 29/09/2016 17:48

Why not do a menu together at the weekend that includes a mix of ready meals, batched meals and freshly cooked meals? Then you don't have to mess about deciding what to eat. We stick ours to the fridge (that's what fridge magnets are for). Some of friends think it's a bit weird, but it saves a lot of time and makes for less food waste too.

Unicorn1981 · 29/09/2016 17:49

What's going to happen when her son is older though. I always cook in the week because dd who's 3 has to eat before dp comes home. And he works late quite a bit.

Original poster
LurkyLurkerMcLurkface · 29/09/2016 17:58

bear I've looked at them. Majority contain dairy which DS and I can't eat

OP posts:
Slippydippysoap · 29/09/2016 18:01

I'm ignoring the division of labour issue because that's something you need to work out between you and what works for one couple is not universal. But if you genuinely can't find time to cook a meal with one child then I suggest you read a bit about high needs babies (I had one) and get yourself a connecta or a Tula (buckle slings) to free up your hand while baby sleeps or just cuddles. It will save your sanity.

Chippednailvarnishing · 29/09/2016 18:01

BuntyFigglesworthSpiffington just for you in your times of needCake

BuntyFigglesworthSpiffington · 29/09/2016 18:04

And pre-sliced too Chipped! To conserve my energy! Grin

randomsabreuse · 29/09/2016 18:05

Very few ready meals are dairy free... the finest range pretty well never are, co-op has a few, some chinese ones (lemon chicken etc) are ok (we had dairy, egg and soya to avoid).

It's not just cooking, it's cooking but being unable to use most of your repertoire of stuff you've made about a million times while being yelled at. Realistically by the time we have kids we've developed a few standby dishes we can just do - losing these when time poor is just not fun!

Chippednailvarnishing · 29/09/2016 18:13

Brew here's something to wash it down with, we don't want you getting dehydrated now Bunty do we?

Blueskyrain · 29/09/2016 18:15

There are companies that specialise in free from ready meals that you can buy online and get delivered. Not for every night, but it might take the pressure off a bit.

Blueskyrain · 29/09/2016 18:16

Check out

www.kirstys.co.uk/

FireballFish · 29/09/2016 18:25

Why don't you just cook once and all eat together??

ButterscupsRevenge · 29/09/2016 18:33

What are you doing while he feeds the kid(s) baths them and reads them a story?

If you dong like cooking every night maybe suggest alternates... he does feeding bath and book while you cook then the next night switch it

ButterscupsRevenge · 29/09/2016 18:34

Heh dong... *doing

DirtyDancing · 29/09/2016 18:36

No. You share the cooking. You BOTH do it and take it in turns every night.

You are both 'working' you haven't become a 1950's housewife just cause you are at home with the baby. Which I add, is harder than going to work. I know because I go to work for a break from my toddler!

Bear2014 · 29/09/2016 18:48

Totally sympathise re- the dairy thing. It must add an element of hard work. As expensive as some niche ready meal delivery thing might be, it would be a short- term solution while you get through this challenging phase. Hope things improve for you soon, OP Wine

Sweetpeamummy · 29/09/2016 19:06

Don't cook at night anyway. Shove a load of stuff in the slow cooker and leave it to do it's thing. Eat the same meal as ds would help too. If you wanted, get hubby to load up the slow cooker in the morning. Yes, it definitely should be shared but you not cooking for him but making yourself something, dick move for me. Have you spoken to him, discussed it at all? Unfortunately you are the one at home doing domestics and bringing son up but he's working so share the load especially over the weekend.

StarlingMurmuration · 29/09/2016 19:07

DP and I cook together, once we have DS to bed. Is that really weird? We actually quite enjoy each other's company while we're doing it too.

When I was maternity leave, we used to take turns when DS was tiny - whoever was baby wrangling, the other would cook. Then we'd take it turns to eat while DS screamed and we tried to pacify him (colic, CMPA, possible banshee-genes). Once he was going down reliably at a sensible time, we put him down together (ie, I'd feed while DP ran the bath, I'd wash up and tidy while DP did the bath, I'd read a story while DP got me a large much deserved drink) then we'd cook together. I was very ill after giving birth and had serious complications from the delivery, and DS was a very high maintenance baby, so we, together, took the view that my job was looking after him during the day like DP's job was to work in his office, and when DP was home, all tasks were shared.

Flippertigibbet · 29/09/2016 19:18

Totally unreasonable! You have an 8mth old not an 8day or 8wk old...
What are you going to do when maternity leave ends?!

Chippednailvarnishing · 29/09/2016 19:41

What are you going to do when maternity leave ends?!
Share the cooking?

Sallystyle · 29/09/2016 19:47

Fuck slow cookers, load of old mush.

Instant pot/ pressure cooker is where it is at. Why cook something in 8 hours when you can do it in less than one and it tastes better.

StarlingMurmuration · 29/09/2016 19:49

In my experience (with my friends who've had babies at around the same time as I did), the men who think everything concerning the home and DC is solely their DW's responsibility while she's on maternity leave, continue to think this once she goes back to work, even if it's full time work. So I have friends who still are the ones doing all the cooking and cleaning and getting up multiple times in the night with their DC while also working outside the home. Meanwhile the DP/DH gets home and puts his feet up every night, not noticing/caring that his DW is on her knees with exhaustion. I've seen people split up over it eventually.

No way was I letting that happen with DP and DS.

Doodlemum2 · 29/09/2016 19:51

Is this a joke?

My husband is away 2-3 nights a week. When he's not away he's away by 6am and home about 7:30. At the weekends he works on our new house.

Our baby is 10 months. I've done dinner, bath bed every single night of his life. My hubby cooks sometimes at the weekend but the rest of the time I do because he's been working so hard.

I cannot believe you'd make a fuss about this! That's life!

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