To think this should be investigated

[user1475004790]

A visiting DC 2yo has told adults who she sees often that mum's partner of 6 months has hit and made her cry and that her mum was also hit and ended up crying in the bathroom.

It's not the only time something has been mentioned by DC and the mum has been known to arrive in an emotional state due to problems with this bloke.

One of the adults [experienced parent, unlike me] receiving the info says they don't believe there is serious abuse as the child appears well adjusted and happy. Also that DC make stuff up [even I know that's true].

Sorry a bit vague and low on details. I am pretty sure they don't want to be identified plus I am being told this third hand. My feeling is that at the very least further investigation is needed if a child tells you that.

Any advice will be passed on to the non-MNers involved.

AIBU to think this should not be ignored and WWYD?

Look you obviously have serious issues with SS but I don't know why you are trying to derail the OP. She has a responsibility to report what the child has said.

Or she can stay out of it and hope that the child doesn't end up like one of those awful stories in the paper.

Thank you. I'm afraid I'm off, not because the outcome is the correct one, but because you can't help people who won't be helped.

I think it's a disgrace that the dangerous advice on here has gone undeleted, but it is outside of my control.

My heart breaks for that poor little child, but maybe he'll survive it, ensure he breaks the cycle of abuse (if that's what's happening) and go on to the continue improving the child protection services in this country so no child is missed.

If anyone else comes across this thread in the future please, please don't risk the safety of a child to maintain the status quo. Seek professional advice, anonymously if it makes you more comfortable.

I reported, SS did not listen. Police, SS knew the conduct it was all over the newspapers. They messed about denying everything even when looking at bruises that I could see and they could not. I am not violent.
Where do you think all these poor kids come from? They come from SS not listening and not acting. How many times did family report the kids who are now dead and SS did not accept other peoples' words.
I do have an issue obviously. I don't want to see any kid hurt in any way but I do not think, in fact I know that SS is not the instant cure you are implying and there is a certain amount of emotional stress being put on the OP. I am showing the other side, just how bad it can get, and believe me this is and was horrendous. The OP has thought it through clearly she is keen to keep contact with the mum and to see the child to ensure that both are seen often. To make the report you have to be sure that the SS will take it seriously and act effectively and efficiently. Can the people who are extolling the virtues of SS guarantee that? Do they want to put their necks on the line if SS make yet another mess? It is not as cut and dried as you all seem to think.

Nobody is claiming it's an instant cure but your experience isn't the same as everyone else, and you do sound a little irrational.

The OP had obviously decided to ignore the advice on here anyway so SS won't be involved, just a bunch of ham-fisted amateurs.

I just hope they don't fuck up the child's situation even more - there ARE worse things than SS!

As for the emotional stress put on the OP, I'm sure what the two yo is going through is a damn site worse.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta

I am certainly taking it seriously and at the moment am suggesting to those who are actually involved that they should report it.

Your comments are helpful and appreciated.

It's clear that for your situation reporting would have helped. But there are other situations where involving SS could make the situation of the child worse not better.

And OP is happy to put the child's neck on the line so really you can't expect people to be happy about that.

So why did you bother posting, with no intention of taking the obvious advice?

And no, reporting wouldn't have helped because it was many years ago and, to a certain extent, nobody really took notice.

But you have the opportunity to do something but you feel you know better.

Anyway, have reported this thread now as you are either being deliberately goady or you are happy to allow a child to remain in a dangerous situation without lifting a finger

OP, could you contact the police and make a request for a Clare's Law disclosure on behalf of the mother?
They would not disclose anything to you, only to her - regarding if her partner has any previous for domestic abuse, and can put measures in place to protect her if necessary. May help her to get away from him.

They won't reveal where the request for the disclosure came from.

OP I was in a similar situation recently. I knew a childs wellbeing was being compromised but because I knew their parent would get a tough time from SS and possibly have the child taken away, I decided not to report. The problem escalated so much that the childs safety was in question so as much as I knew there was a possibility that SS would take the child AND that the parent might harm themselves if their child was taken, I couldn't ignore it any longer as parent was allowing the abusive person to behave so badly and not reporting them or protecting the child.

The guilt of reporting was so bad it made me physically sick. I knew I had opened a shit storm but you know what? I have no doubt it helped in the long run. The child was taken for a while (with the parents agreement) and given counselling etc while SS worked with parents and were able to help main parent get abusive parent into supervised visits and restraining orders etc in place before the child was brought back home. Now SS monitor the family and will hopefully be on the scene for a while yet to ensure the child is fully safe and not exposed to abuse.

I am sorry you feel you can't report it for fear of X,Y and Z. I felt the same so I didn't disclose to anyone else that I reported (except my DP) as I feared a backlash. Maybe agree with everyone else that you won't report it but then do so but say you are a neighbour/parent from playgroup etc so that if SS say 'we've had a report from a neighbour' then she won't think it was a family member.

Social services aren't miracle workers but they are the ones with the duty to investigate this situation. That is their job. It is what they are trained for. And on the whole the majority do their best with the little resources and support they receive.

Op please encourage your friend to report this. It can happen anonymously and it social services will take it seriously. It will be logged on a system and they will incestiagte this instance. It won't be an open and shut case. If there is nothing they can do immediately, the name of the child will be logged on the system so that if it is flagged up again they will know about this first incident.

You and your friends aren't private investigators. Nor are you trained to communicate and investigate children who've experienced trauma. Trust me, children lie but they struggle to sustain lies for an extended period of time. Social services should be able to determine any truth behind this disclosure.

In my experience most people who dislike SS/CPS do so because things didn't go the way they wanted even though they went the right way. For instance my ex thinks they are terrible because they didn't believe his lies and made recommendations to court for limited visitation - they did the absolute right thing but of course he can't see that. I bet its similar for many other 'bad stories' about SS

Natsku - Maybe things did not go the way I would have wanted. I wanted a child to be safe from being hit. The hitting went on for years. I did not want a child injured. The child was injured. I did not want anyone young or old to be subjected to a violent drink and drug abusing idiot. He was unhindered and kept on. I did not want a child to grow up to have some sort of violent tendencies but that is the state after many years in local authority care.

Where in anyone's mind can that be right.

I have never been even thought of as being the perpetrator of any of this. I was a trusted person.

I formed my poor opinion of SS from their actions or lack of actions and the damage done to various people after SS were informed.

Trust what a child of that age says. Pass the information onto a relevant agency.

It is for them to judge. Don't second guess.

Not your situation bouquets that sadly is an example of the system failing, which happens sometimes and is terrible when it does but thankfully more times than not, the system works and children are saved from abusive situations.

TheBouquets I can't imagine how hard that must have been to stand back and watch, but I think your attitude towards SS is dangerous. If you had a bad experience in the NHS would you advise someone in a life threatening service not to phone an ambulance? Yes, there is a small chance that the doctor that treats you could be negligent. It is far more likely that the doctor will treat you and you will recover.

OP please don't just sit back and ignore this. You can't play games with people's lives and "investigate". If the child has been hit by the boyfriend, and she didn't leave, what makes your friends think that they can change her mind? Both the mother and the child need help.

OP, pick up the phone and report it. You know that the people that should do wont.
If you wont then why did you post this thread?

I reported a family member following a disclosure.

Due to the report & the ages of the children ss moved fast.

The family weren't torn apart. They received support (and more importantly a watching eye which still keeps in touch)

The family member asked if it was me. I said no.

Inthenickoftime and Natsku - It was a horrible time. It is still horrible. I don't see how it can be fixed at all.
I am seriously ill, probably as a result of the stresses of it all. I am aware that there are no cures and that damages done cant be healed. I do attend Doctors etc but when I get to a stage when I cant manage on my own any more I will not be hanging around a hospital or waiting for SS to send Home Carers or equipment. I have researched Dignitas. I have no wish to even start to try to get through the SS that there is something needed from them now.
This is not meant to be shocking it is to show just how badly I view SS as a result of the choices they as adults and with care responsibilities for the general public made. There is nothing to convince me that SS would act appropriately and timeously