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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to insist that DD's wishes are followed?

15 replies

ShtoppenDerFloppen · 26/09/2016 22:00

My DD attends a community school and is in Y6. For academics, she is in a self-contained Special Education class, but is integrated with other classes for other subjects. She is with a Y2 class for music and does some other bits with a spit Y3/4 class. However... she has a Y6 home form.

As she moves through school, she is allowed less and less contact with her "proper" peer group (Y6). While developmentally she does fit better with the younger students, she is aware that she is a Y6 student, and wants to be included.

Wednesday is picture day, and I got a message from her ES today asking if I was OK with her being included in the Y3/4 class photo. I feel it is not my choice, and DD has already said she wants to be in the picture of the "proper" year.

I think DD should have a say in this, and her wishes should be respected. Yes, she is disabled, but she still has a voice.

Am I out of line by insisting she be included with her peers?

OP posts:

Scarydinosaurs · 26/09/2016 22:01

I doubt you'll have to insist, they've checked with you, just say she prefers to be with her actual year group and class.

MrsDeVere · 26/09/2016 22:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FeelingSmurfy · 26/09/2016 22:05

She should definitely be with Yr6, could it be that the other class consider her one of them and want her on that picture AS WELL not instead of?

Isn't this the last year they will all be at that school too? Even more reason to make sure she get on that picture

a7mints · 26/09/2016 22:07

I agree and I don't think there will be any problem? maybe they were thinking she would like to be included in both

mygorgeousmilo · 26/09/2016 22:07

YANBU at all, I'd insist on it too!

shittlebaggle · 26/09/2016 22:07

Yanbu at all. I would state her wishes. If they don't agree, insist.

I would be annoyed. The school know she is in y6. Why on earth would they suggest putting her in a different year groups photo? Very bad practice with regards to inclusion.

AnythingMcAnythingface · 26/09/2016 22:10

YANBU, they have maybe misread the situation and though dd would prefer to be in photo with group she works most with.

Maybe see it as a positive - a good opportunity to broach the topic of her spending more time with her peers of possible?

AnythingMcAnythingface · 26/09/2016 22:11

Thought*

lougle · 26/09/2016 22:16

Perhaps they thought that it would be nice to have the photo representing the class as it normally is, with your DD present in the Y3/Y4 cohort. In which case, you could say that you understand that DD is lucky enough to have two peer groups and that you're happy for her to appear in both photos .

TheTyrannyOfMAGENTA · 26/09/2016 22:24

I would be fuming that it was even suggested tbh.

Original poster

ShtoppenDerFloppen · 26/09/2016 22:26

In our school system, they move to a different school after Y8, however I am concerned that she will continue to be excluded from her peer group if we do not continue to push.

I was told that she is the same size as the Y2 students (her music class), so we shouldn't worry about her being with such a young group.

The message home was more of a "this is what we are doing, here is a justification - you are OK with it, right?" than actually asking us.

I spoke to DD, apparently her EA was trying to talk her into the younger class photo, and DD said she wants to be with the Y6 students. Perhaps the EA figured I would agree and tell DD that she was to just join the younger class.

It is particularly hard for her because she attended a hospital school for several years with a girl who moved to the same community school and is in Y6 as well. This other girl is not moved into any other classes and does all her schooling with Y6, so DD sees the difference every day.

OP posts:

Benedikte2 · 26/09/2016 22:31

I think you should firmly state DD wants to be with her age group but you'd be happy for her to have a second photo with the Y3/4 class. Photos are all about memories and in future she might like to look at the photo and remember the younger pupils, but I wouldn't display it but put it in her photo album.

lougle · 26/09/2016 22:33

Do you feel it's inappropriate for her to be going to the younger class? If you do, then it might be a good time to speak up.

DixieNormas · 26/09/2016 22:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrazyNameCrazyGuy · 26/09/2016 22:42

That must be difficult but I assume the other girl is considered to be more able?

Of course your DD should have her photo taken with her year group. Tell te school that both DD and yourself want this to happen.

Do you feel that your DD is being discriminated against in some way? I only ask because your OP says "As she moves through school, she is allowed less and less contact with her "proper" peer group". That wording seems quite emotive, almost as if they are deliberately preventing her from being in her peer group. Perhaps it's just the way you have phrased it rather than "spends less and less time with her peer group".

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