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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect my DH to get out of bed

90 replies

Maxwellthecat · 25/09/2016 19:17

So my DH wakes up earlier than me, he always has.
I have broken sleep because my very indulged cat gets me up in the night to drink from the tap (this is a topic for another post and I really don't mind getting up).
Recently my DH has started turning on the light in the bedroom when he wakes up and reading in bed, he thinks it's unreasonable of me to expect him to get up as the bed is 'cozy' and downstairs is 'cold'. He has got me an eye mask to put on to block out the light but it still wakes me up.
So can you settle this for us? Should he get up or should I put up?

OP posts:

emwithme · 25/09/2016 20:17

Headtorch with a red light? DH uses one of these in bed and it doesn't disturb me, and I'm one of the lightest sleepers out there at times.

EvansAndThePrince · 25/09/2016 20:19

I'm on his side. Kindles are crap for people who love actual books but also if he's just reading then surely the eye mask does everything you need? Surely you understand the bliss of waking up early and reading all snuggled in bed?

If he's turning a big light on then no, I take it all back. But a small lamp and the turning of a page shouldn't disturb you.

chocdonutyy · 25/09/2016 20:21

If your taps allow it let the taps drip a little in the night, might be enough to satisfy his thirst.
Also I've found stainless steel water bowls are by far the favorite of my lot, plastic isn't great and gave ollie feline acne.
If dh won't budge I'd try different bulbs/lamps ect to minimise the effect.

This kind of thing would annoy me massively too, cant stand any light in the bedroom, even standby lights bug me

mathanxiety · 25/09/2016 20:22

Get a space heater for the sitting room, and a slanket.

He needs to get up and go elsewhere for his early morning reading.

DerekSprechenZeDick · 25/09/2016 20:23

You should sleep in the bath. Only the cat will disturb you and you don't have to move far.

Win win

RubbishMantra · 25/09/2016 20:25

If he prefers the 'feel' of a book like a pp said, one of those clip on light thingies.

Or a pair of those glasses, with lights at either side, like Orbital used to wear when DJ-ing?

Original poster

Maxwellthecat · 25/09/2016 20:27

It's not a small lamp they are lights positioned right over the bed and he laughs and gasps at the book he's reading and he sometimes chats about news events he's reading on his phone (9/10 times this is about the Sunderland line up)
He also asks me to rub his back or hug him (which is sweet but I'm asleep!) then when I say that I'm asleep he says that if I'm awake to tell him I'm asleep then I'm awake enough to hug him.
I love him dearly and we have a lovely relationship and I don't think he's deliberately being horrible I think he just gets excited to see me in the morning but it doesn't make me excited it makes me grumpy and want to kick him in the shin. Then I feel like I'm being horrible telling him to go away all the time.

OP posts:

JellyOnIcecream · 25/09/2016 20:42

All joking aside, I do feel that he is incredibly unreasonable op. It's very selfish to wake you up like this, it's not even about the cat, if your happy to get up with the cat, then fine. But Dh is being out of order

Ginkypig · 25/09/2016 20:44

The consensus is definitely if you want to read in the morning mr maxwellthecat go downstairs or read n a way that does not disturb your partner!

It's not fair to routinely disturb the sleep of person you love, you wouldn't like it would you?

I do get that feeling of its cosy in bed and I don't want to leave but it's not fair to put that above the needs of your wife's sleep is it.

EvansAndThePrince · 25/09/2016 20:45

OP in that case he wants to fuck off. Seriously.

Get him a duvet that he can take to the couch and read there.

LadyConstanceDeCoverlet · 25/09/2016 20:45

Right, I sympathised with him on the wish to read in a nice cosy bed, but commenting on what he's reading and asking you to rub his back is definitely taking the piss. If he wakes up early he is bang out of order deliberately doing things that will wake you up.

RubbishMantra · 25/09/2016 20:46

*...The Orbital glasses would be creepy/irritating though, if he fell asleep during his reading, and you woke up to find him facing you still wearing them, with the twin lights blaring into your face.

I used to go night fishing a lot, and wore a head torch. Elastic thing that fits around the head, with a torch on the forehead. Could cause the same problems as Orbital glasses though...

On a serious note though, seems as if you're easily woken, and he should be more respectful of that. ddDH was a loud snorer, and after I'd poked him a couple of times, he'd take himself off to the spare room, to ensure I had a decent night's sleep.

strawberrypenguin · 25/09/2016 21:23

In that case I'd make him sleep in a different room! Sounds like he's deliberately waking you up. Tell him to fuck off next time he clearly needs it put bluntly. In not you it's definitely him.

Rumpelstiltskin143 · 25/09/2016 21:49

Good grief are you married to a 12 year old. How incredibly selfish. He seriously needs to grow up. Rub his back and hug him, what an idiot.

Sofabitch · 25/09/2016 23:29

Totally cruel to turn a light on to read at 6am.

If he likes the feel of a book then get up or use a kindle.

Maybe you should start turning the light on for a few nights whilst you sort the cat out. He sounds selfish.

Sofabitch · 25/09/2016 23:31

He's not excited to see you in the morning he is being a cunt.

MillionToOneChances · 25/09/2016 23:53

he laughs and gasps at the book he's reading and he sometimes chats about news events he's reading on his phone (9/10 times this is about the Sunderland line up)
He also asks me to rub his back or hug him (which is sweet but I'm asleep!) then when I say that I'm asleep he says that if I'm awake to tell him I'm asleep then I'm awake enough to hug him.

This is incredibly unreasonable behaviour and he needs to stop being so bloody selfish.

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/09/2016 04:55

How unkind. I'd definitely expect him to sleep elsewhere or treat you with respect. I would never think, I know, I've just woken up and it's almost 5am, why don't I wake dh up? That'll please him. . I'm downstairs btw.

Apart from anything else, he is damaging your long term health by preventing you from getting enough sleep.

He can get himself a big dressing gown and a warm throw blanket for the sofa. Or tell him to sleep in the next room.

Motherfuckers · 26/09/2016 05:29

You choose to get up in the night, therefore you are intentionally sleep deprived, you can't really use that as an argument against your DH reading too early in bed.

Cel982 · 26/09/2016 05:47

I'm on his side. Kindles are crap for people who love actual books

No, they really aren't. They're crap for misguided book snobs who feel that the medium of the book is more important than the content. If that's how you approach reading, you're doing it wrong.

OP, he's being massively unreasonable and really inconsiderate. You don't turn on lights when your bedmate is asleep; that's Roomsharing 101.

Saracen · 26/09/2016 05:50

Derek "Starting to think 2kids might in fact be the cat"

Saracen · 26/09/2016 05:57

YANBU. Especially since he laughs and chats at you as well as putting the light on. He needs to get up and make himself a cosy place elsewhere. It shouldn't be too difficult: armchair, duvet, hot water bottle... This is why I am not in bed at this moment, because my dh deserves to have undisturbed sleep.

You should have known better than to mention the cat. The cat is neither here nor there. Oh wait, that's Schrodinger's cat; yours is actually here and wants another drink.

Saracen · 26/09/2016 06:03

PS You are incredibly lucky to have a cat you love so much that you don't mind getting up for it in the night, as well as a dh whose early-morning antics you can see as "sweet" even though he's waking you up so unreasonably. He's naive but he sounds well worth keeping. Just needs some more training.

I hope you and dh can find another time to have these snug chats. They would be lovely if only you weren't so tired.

NauticalDisaster · 26/09/2016 06:15

He is being unreasonable, that is dickish behaviour.

sleepachu · 26/09/2016 06:26

Your last post has sent me under OP chuckling thinking about the extent to which a fella would only try that shit once with me... He sounds hideous, sleep deprivation is just awful.

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