Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Father Christmas' dirty secret

98 replies

ditzychick34 · 25/09/2016 17:56

AIBU to think my friend should tell her 11 year old DD Father Christmas' dirty little secret before all her school friends laugh at her when she gets excited in December? And how old is too old to really believe?
(for the record I'm a 34 year old believer)

OP posts:

HeCantBeSerious · 26/09/2016 22:59

Hahahahaha. That's brilliant.

What's brilliant about it? The thought of anyone they don't know sneaking into their house at night has them awake night after night. I've seen them freak out at seeing them in grottos. Do you think heir parents should be trying to soothe them or to force the idea year after year?

HeCantBeSerious · 26/09/2016 23:01

Ds2 was 12 when he asked about tooth fairy and then Santa and was so upset that I had lied to him all that time. I didn't really think he would take it so badly but he still brings it up now he is 14.

I found out quite harshly and whilst I understand why my parents did it, being forced to carry on the lie for a younger sibling felt horrible to me. I hated it.

My husband felt the same way (grew up in very different households at opposite ends of the UK). I'm fairly sure we aren't the only ones!

Shropitlikeitshot · 26/09/2016 23:01

If you don't believe, you dont receive.

This it what I was told, as were my two big sisters, and I'm too terrified not to receive to not believe.

VanellopeVonSchweetz99 · 26/09/2016 23:02

DS worked it out at 6, but immediately went into 'adult mode' wanting to 'keep the magic up' for DD (then 4), and beginning to fantasise about how he would create xmas magic for his own kids some day.

VanellopeVonSchweetz99 · 26/09/2016 23:06

P.S: Being scandi, Santa actually comes to visit (ie DH or a friend in fancy dress) so it's not rocket science working it out ...

WinterIsHereJon · 26/09/2016 23:10

I can't remember exactly how old I was when I questionned santa being real. My mum admitted that she bought most of the presents, but that there was always one present each that she hadn't bought. It kept the magic alive for me for years, that little bit of doubt. I love Christmas.

EastMidsMummy · 26/09/2016 23:23

If you went to Disneyland with your 11 year old and they thought that the guy dressed up as Mickey Mouse was really Mickey Mouse, you would be calling a child psychologist. The Disney 'magic' is not spoiled because we know it's a guy in a suit.

It's exactly the same with Santa. If your 11 year old seriously believes Santa is real, you have not equipped them properly with the intellectual tools they need to make sense of the world.

Original poster

ditzychick34 · 27/09/2016 08:37

Woah eastmids, if someone's 11 year old still believes then they were badly parented?

OP posts:

AnnPerkins · 27/09/2016 10:14

I never realised children of school age believed in Father Christmas. I don't remember ever believing in him. As far as I remember everyone in my family pretended to believe for fun. I always assumed everyone did.

DS is 7yo and it all makes me very uncomfortable. He asked me earlier this year if the Tooth Fairy was real, told me not to lie, so I told him the truth. DH was appalled!

So when he asked me about FC a couple of months later I sort of fudged it, waffled about it being a nice, fun thing to believe in. I asked if he thought he was real and he said yes. I sort of waffled about that being ok then and let the conversation end...

I'm unhappy about lying to him when we've tried to bring him up to trust us to tell him the truth. Particularly when he asks me to outright.

Friends of ours do Elf on the Shelf. Their 10yo DD apparently still believes. If DS asks me if that's bollocks I'll tell him the truth. I'm not lying to my son to keep other parents' untruths for them. Ditto the Easter Bunny. I didn't know until this year that some children believed he was real

ThePinkOcelot · 27/09/2016 10:19

My youngest dd didn't believe last Christmas when she was in Yr 7 and 11 yrs, though suspected the year before I think. Christmas just wasn't the same for me!

AnnPerkins · 27/09/2016 10:28

I think it was last year the International Space Station flew over on Christmas Eve and we went outside to watch it. DS loves space.

Because it was Christmas Eve DH told him it was Father Christmas flying over. Obviously DS was enchanted. I thought it was a shame because I actually think seeing the ISS is awesome and DS 'missed out' on that experience because we told him bollocks instead.

HeCantBeSerious · 27/09/2016 10:58

My 2 live the ISS and watch it go over whenever possible. It's gone over a couple of years on Xmas eve now. We went out and a neighbour said to DC "that's Santa". They loudly put him straight. (I was a bit worried that the other parents in the street would be less than happy but they all put their kids to bed early so no harm done).

I think the ISS is far more magical than the fat bearded bloke. ;)

squoosh · 27/09/2016 11:02

Oh the 'damaged by Santa' crew are here again!

EastMidsMummy · 27/09/2016 13:03

Woah eastmids, if someone's 11 year old still believes then they were badly parented?

Well, I wouldn't use those words, but if an 11 year old thinks magic is real then someone at school or home has missed a trick.

EastMidsMummy · 27/09/2016 13:05

So, would you lovely magic people find it OK if your 11 year old believed that the Mickey Mouse they met at Disneyland was the actual Mickey Mouse??

AnythingMcAnythingface · 27/09/2016 13:17

Wow wow wow wow wow!!! EastMidsMummy, Mickey isn't real!?

FeralBeryl · 27/09/2016 13:30

I remember DB (lots younger than me) asking.
We went with the whole 'everyone is Santa' He was real at some point, but he's now a concept of bringing happiness to people so parents, relatives all step in to make people they love happy.
He seemed satisfied as long as he was still getting a load of crap to play with...

Notso · 27/09/2016 13:31

I found out when I was 4. I still found Christmas exciting and magical.

callycat1 · 27/09/2016 13:34

Me too Notso

I don't know what it is, maybe those who are big fans of FC have exceptionally happy memories? I don't really. I mean I like Christmas but I don't think you have to believe in magic to like it, same as you don't have to believe in Disneyland to enjoy it.

DoristheNovice · 27/09/2016 13:40

Children aren't children for very long so let them believe! There's nothing magical about being an adult (except for being able to drink wine) so I reckon children should be able to get swept up in every bit of Christmas magic. My DD is 9 and still a firm believer.

CancellyMcChequeface · 27/09/2016 13:57

I think there's a difference between letting very young children believe in Santa and actively misleading them when they start to have doubts. It's when a child says they don't think Santa can be real (possibly with some logical reasons why not) and adults respond with 'oh yes he is' because they think the child is too young not to believe that it seems a bit - 'damaging' might be the wrong word, but it certainly confuses the child. Either they believe the adult, and mistrust their own judgement about what can and can't really exist, or they're aware that the adult is lying to them.

I was never told that the tooth fairy or Easter bunny were real - I still enjoyed Easter and got money for baby teeth, but the stories were just that, fun stories to go along with what was happening. I like that idea better than telling children that these fictional entities are real - same with Santa, in my opinion.

HairsprayBabe · 27/09/2016 14:20

Nobody stops believing in our house, the youngest in the whole family was 14 last month, we still all just play along ready for the next generation to pick it up.

No-one was teased at school for it - massive catholic family with cousins in every year for along time so always someone to stick up for you!

It's magic, let it be!

Scaredycat3000 · 27/09/2016 15:07

I still love that DS1 asked just as playgroup announced FC would be arriving any moment 'Mummy will it be Justin again this year?'. It was the first xmas he could talk. We never discuss it, I assume he thinks he's been humouring Mummy and Daddy for years.
He did exactly as Ann's did though DS is 7yo and it all makes me very uncomfortable. He asked me earlier this year if the Tooth Fairy was real, told me not to lie, so I told him the truth. DH was appalled!
I think it's one thing gently showing dc some culturally accepted imaginary beings and letting them run with it, but the effort put into making dc believe in stuff I don't think is healthy. Elf on the shelf, Special tooth fairy stuff, teaching dc they will end up in hell if they don't believe in a god, damaging.

Flip

1 2 3 4