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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Father Christmas' dirty secret

98 replies

ditzychick34 · 25/09/2016 17:56

AIBU to think my friend should tell her 11 year old DD Father Christmas' dirty little secret before all her school friends laugh at her when she gets excited in December? And how old is too old to really believe?
(for the record I'm a 34 year old believer)

OP posts:

WeAllHaveWings · 25/09/2016 20:05

My ds as a 10yr old in p6 believed, if they are in secondary might be worth big brother filling her in and telling her to keep pretending to parents but not school friends. If primary I'd enjoy your final year of believing.

IJustLostTheGame · 25/09/2016 20:06

I'm 36 and still believe in father Christmas. My mum's rules were those that don't believe in father Christmas don't get presents from him.

HoneyDragon · 25/09/2016 20:08

WHAT'S SANTA'S DIRTY SECRET?!?!?!

HoneyDragon · 25/09/2016 20:08

I hate goady ops like this, I want the goss on Santa now.

callycat1 · 25/09/2016 20:09

I think it's horrible

dybil · 25/09/2016 20:09

Yeah however much people want the world to seem a magical place to their children, I agree that still believing come secondary school, which can be a harsh environment, could lead to teasing.

Whilst there's probably no uniformly correct time to let kids in on the secret of father Xmas, the Easter bunny or whatever, I'm glad that I had some sort of grasp on the difference between the real world and make believe by then.

MissClarke86 · 25/09/2016 20:13

Are you calling me a miserable sod!?

I just can't imagine an 11 year old going to secondary school and not being teased about it. I think he'd rather find out from his mother than his peers and feel humiliated.

IAmAPaleontologist · 25/09/2016 20:13

My mum sat me down around that age to tell me. I'd been arguing that he was real with others at school because they had it on newsround about taking poorly children to see him and if it was on the news then it must be true.

Magic is amazing. I expect the truth will dawn on them all in time but I'll still be creeping around and filling stockings at night. My mum and aunts did it right until we left home. Once we were teens though they'd make us leave our stockings outside the door so they only had to creep in with them filled and we would have to pretend to be asleep as we listened to them half pissed and giggling trying to stuff presents in. Happy memories

I sure my 9 year old knows, I think he knew last year but played along. I thought my daughter age 7 firmly believed, she has a crazy imagination and seems to live on another planet but my mum caught her telling my 4 year old that it wasn't real! Mum grabbed her and managed to smooth things over. Oddly though dd has never let on to me that she doesn't believe and is merrily planning her Christmas letter already! I'm clinging on to the 4 year old as my one true remaining believer.

BeverlyGoldberg · 25/09/2016 20:14

I'm all for keeping the magic alive but they need to know the truth before they get to high school.

EastMidsMummy · 25/09/2016 20:35

Ridiculous? I've an 11 yrs old DS who very firmly believes in FC. He has autism and is a few years behind his peers, but still 11 years old.

OK, fair enough if your child is behind his peers. But for a child without additional needs, 11 years old is way too old to believe in Santa.

They should have learned enough at school before then to figure out that it's a fun story made up for tiny kids.

callycat1 · 25/09/2016 20:44

I would be amazed an 11 yo believed tbh.

MistressMolecules · 25/09/2016 21:17

Oh sorry MissClarke not you! I was referring to the OP (and didn't mean it in a nasty way! ) I just think they will get it in their own time, why rush it.

Original poster

ditzychick34 · 25/09/2016 21:42

Sorry mistress (???? Didn't think that was where my evening was going!)
I don't mean to be goady or mean, I have no intentions of telling her girl, or dropping hints or anything like that, I just wondered what the MN opinion was.

I thought 11, last year of primary was old, I hate the thought of her being teased but I love the magic still being there for her.

OP posts:

metaphoricus · 25/09/2016 22:24

My DD sussed it when she was five after she heard a conversation between two older friends (both 7). She asked me and said "Please don't lie to me Mummy. What could I do?

metaphoricus · 25/09/2016 22:26

I would also be amazed an 11 year old believed. I've never known any.

JaceLancs · 25/09/2016 22:47

I guessed at 5/6 my DC were around 7 when they stopped believing
But you know your own DC best and am sure will work out what's best for them

NaughtyRed82 · 26/09/2016 03:14

I had to recently tell my son with ASD that tooth fairy and Santa isn't real, always thought he'd work it out for himself esp as loves the Internet, but still believed bless him. He's just started secondary school so knew it was time to tell him as didn't want him having convo with kids and saying what he wanted off Santa when Xmas time comes and then getting teased and mocked for believing still. Thought only right to finally tell him. He was very upset about it, but think more about 'the lie' and was asking why I'd done it etc think it's harder for child with ASD to grasp, but seems okay about it since.

VioletBam · 26/09/2016 03:33

I'm 44 and I still believe in him.

He brings me something every year. Even if it's a touch of magic which isn't tangible.

I've explained to both my kids (8 and 12) that he's a spirit...not a real man in a red suit. I've explained that it's the idea of his spirit coming yearly that creates the magic and therefore, I believe in him.

loobylou1967 · 26/09/2016 04:08

My DD was a firm believer at 11 - almost 12! She was due to start secondary and my DH (her DSD) said we'd have to tell her so that she didn't get teased about it. I still couldn't bring myself to do it, so he had to. She's an only child so no sibs to break the news earlier. Glad that DD didn't lose the magic too young, we have amazing Christmas memories. She's 20 now and still gets a stocking!!

citychick · 26/09/2016 06:31

My 10 yr old still believes. I am sure his school mates will burst his bubble before I do.
He still believes in the tooth fairy as well. She visited the other night. Then left the tooth on my husbands dresser. DS found the tooth and stuck it under his pillow again, hoping for more cash.
I left DH to explain she must have forgotten it and sadly she doesn't leave cash twice for the same tooth!

DS was cool with that. Think he was a bit about the whole thing!

callycat1 · 26/09/2016 07:00

It's a bit stupid to go on about 'losing the magic'

Do you all get upset when they stop watching cbeebies or stop reading a story to them as well?

EastMidsMummy · 26/09/2016 07:07

Ive explained to both my kids (8 and 12) that he's a spirit...not a real man in a red suit. I've explained that it's the idea of his spirit coming yearly that creates the magic and therefore, I believe in him.

Do your kids have any idea what this means?? I don't follow. You believe in the idea of the spirit of Santa???

tibbawyrots · 26/09/2016 07:46

I saw a plump man with a long white beard and white hair yesterday: it must have been Santa!

MistressMolecules · 26/09/2016 16:55

Violetbam, that is a lovely!

ditzy wasn't trying to mean with what I said!

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 26/09/2016 16:59

I always wonder about the films at Christmas where the adults don't believe and yet he is real (in the films) where do these actors think all these random gifts have come from (I have thought about this too much I think )

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