Father Christmas' dirty secret

[ditzychick34]

AIBU to think my friend should tell her 11 year old DD Father Christmas' dirty little secret before all her school friends laugh at her when she gets excited in December? And how old is too old to really believe?
(for the record I'm a 34 year old believer)

[CancellyMcChequeface]

My mother thought I still believed when I was 11. I stopped believing at 6, but since she liked to say 'if you don't believe you don't get presents' I kept it quiet at home. I was the annoying kid who told my classmates the truth, though.

OP, it's possible your DD already knows the truth, but if not, I'd definitely tell her at this point. The 'magic' will be ruined anyway if she's teased at school because of it.

[Ericaequites]

I'd not allow my children to believe in Santa. I would explain some people believe in him, but we don't , just as we don't believe in Allah. All children receive presents at Christmas from their parents or charity.

[Rhythmsticks]

I think children figure it out for themselves -there may be a few years where they "suspect" it is you but the not knowing adds excitement! I would never tell a child santa isn't real!

[Secretmetalfan]

Bloody hell some parents are miserable sods. Real life is often shit, let kids experience a bit of pretend. Are you the sort of parents that drag a long a small child to a soup kitchen so they know what 'real life ' is like - trust me they will find out it can be crap soon enough. Why this urge to make them grow up as fast as possible. I'd always be suspicious of an adult so over invested in a small child's life they want to make them an adult as soon as they are out of the womb (have they not got friends?) what actual harm does believing in Santa do?

[HeCantBeSerious]

It's not necessarily the belief that's an issue IMO (my 2 are free to believe in anything they like) it's the relentless pushing of it on them. I've watched friends set alarms in the middle of the night to shake bells and dust flour around the house, or play sounds of laughter and hooves through the gap under the door at sleeping toddlers. I hate the threats hissed at children through September, October, November and December that if they don't quit being children hyped up by pretty much every adult in their lives they'll get nothing from Santa. And don't get me started on elf on the sodding shelf. What a horrible concept.

And then, on Xmas morning the European Mountain of Plastic Tat arrives in every front room (as evidenced by pictures on FB), a shrine to utter greed and selfishness.

No thanks.

[HeCantBeSerious]

So no, not soup kitchens. But we do spend December encouraging small acts of kindness to others rather than circling China's finest in the Argos catalogue. And we follow the 4 gift principle. Xmas is about time together, laughter and fun for us. Not shopping.

There are fairies living in our house and a unicorn living in the shed. We aren't short of magic; we (parents) just don't have to lie to create it.

[PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon]

^^ you sound like a barrel of laughs

[HeCantBeSerious]

We are. Thanks.

[EarSlaps]

My DS has just turned seven and for the last three years has started off in early December with "I don't think Father Christmas exists, I think it's you" (I asked him how on Earth I'd pay for and deliver all those presents around the world ). Then as Christmas gets closer and closer he believes a bit more, then Father Christmas almost certainly exists after he's been. Same for the tooth fairy.

I'd confirm his suspicions if I didn't think he'd blab to all and sundry.

[PinkSparklyPussyCat]

I'm so glad my parents let me believe in Santa! I can't remember how old I was when I found out the truth but I never felt as though they lied to memory anything like that.

[Cookingongas]

Hecant- there aren't fairys or unicorns though. So of your children believe that Larry the unicorn lives in your shed- What you mean is that some lies are okay while others aren't. Odd.

[Cookingongas]

If

[HeCantBeSerious]

No. What I said, quite clearly, is that the kids are free to believe what they want to. The unicorns and fairies don't come from us like Santa would in another family. They've decided that they want to believe in fairies and unicorns but not Santa or the tooth fairy. There's nothing stopping them, they choose not to. We discuss why they believe what they do and why others don't or believe different things but we don't tell them anything is or isn't real. We're supporting them to create their own magic, and they are. Loads of it. They don't care what others choose to believe in. Perhaps they're wolves rather than sheep.

[HeCantBeSerious]

What about children that are terrified by the thought of Santa visiting? I know several.

[AnythingMcAnythingface]

Oh come on now. Santa is such a lovely fairytale! (Our Santa is the kind, sees the good in you, doesn't spy on you kind though!)

[AnythingMcAnythingface]

And I'm not ashamed to say that we laugh about elf on the shelf saying, "who would want a creepy, naughty, tittle tattle elf in their house all through December?!"

[lostincumbria]

about children that are terrified by the thought of Santa visiting? I know several.

Hahahahaha. That's brilliant.

[callycat1]

The thing is, I find it odd when parents go to great lengths to convince their kids he does exist. That's when it goes more into the lie territory. My dad used to say he had eyes in the back of head which I believed and obviously there came an age where I realised gradually it wasn't true. If he'd continued insisting he did, maybe providing some 'proof' that would be weird ... I've no issue with Father Christmas but I find it strange when people get so sentimental they actually think Christmas is wrecked forever once a child questions his existence.

[HexBramble]

HeCantbeSerious you're making some sweeping generalisations here.

Did you believe in Father Christmas as a child?

[Babydontcry]

DS is 3,months I plan to make it last as long as poss

[inchoccyheaven]

I never told ds1 now 16 and he never asked. Ds2 was 12 when he asked about tooth fairy and then Santa and was so upset that I had lied to him all that time. I didn't really think he would take it so badly but he still brings it up now he is 14.
I still wouldn't have deliberately told them though if they hadn't asked.

[Youarenotprepared]

I told mine last year at 11 in yr 6 because she asked. DD is in year 5. I will likely tell her next year. I think end of primary is about right to tell.

[AnythingMcAnythingface]

Dd 5 has asked me a few times now. I simply answer, "do you think he is real?"

As long as she answers yes I'll not break the magic.

The day she says no I'll explain he is an idea, and although he doesn't actually deliver the gifts, it's a way of Mum and Dad feeling the joy of giving without receiving even gratitude.

[HeCantBeSerious]

HeCantbeSerious you're making some sweeping generalisations here.

Based on nearly 40 years of observations.

Did you believe in Father Christmas as a child?

Briefly.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

Last year I did a relationship skills talk to a bunch of year 11's it was around Christmas time and part of the discussion covers good untruths and bad untruths I used the Santa example and got shussed and glared at by a hulking great 15yo because the little 11yo's were in the classroom next door and might hear!

I thought that showed a lot of kindness