to ask for your lighthearted putting your foot in it moments

[Chocoholicmonster]

I'm forever putting my foot in it completely intentionally. My brain just fails to engage before my mouth half the time. I could add a long list here but I'll share my, by far, most embarrassing 'foot-in-mouth' moment.

In my old job (close knit village shop) someone came in complaining how cold they were. To which I replied 'Oh, you need to be spit roasted' - which was met by such awkwardness & then I realised exactly what I'd said. For some reason before saying it out loud I'd only conjured up images of being twisted round a log fire. Cosy & warm.... Also found trying to explain yourself just makes it all so much worse!

Anyone else got a funny or embarrassing mouth-before-brain moment?

Thank you all for sharing - they've made me chuckle (& some cringe a little on posters behalf!)

I've had a fair few foot in mouth moments in my time...
Long ago when I was a student nurse I was on a busy ward and was sent to start changing beds in a bay I hadn't been in before. Back then you had to pump the beds up with your foot to raise it and it was hard going. After what seemed like a lifetime of pumping I said to the patient, 'phew, my leg's going to drop off in a mo'... Looked down and realised the patient was a double amputee...
More recently a very famous openly gay fashion designer and his PR folk had a meeting at my work. As they were leaving and assembled in reception I had to collect paperwork from the meeting room. Went in, found a large expensive handbag- quickly picked it up and rushed to the group. Went straight to the designer's PA.. 'Oh, excuse me, I think you've left your bag'... to which the designer piped up indignantly in front of everyone 'THAT'S mine!!!!'

Pilots wife 😂😂😂

What did she say?

A colleague of mine has out on loads of weight recently and was bemoaning it. Saying she looked disgusting etc, I wasn't really listening that much and just agreed with her. Eek.

She looked at me as if I was mad and said "what scarecrow"? Still not realising I pointed to the bench .... She said "That's my husband".
It was mortifying - I then had to endure a very painful next hour with them making small talk over coffee. Never did go ahead with the renovation.

(Me to customer) 'our savings account for the over-50s has the highest rate'

(Customer) 'I'm 38'

Long time ago at a university dinner party with some "frightfully Posh" friends I had made.
In Scotland. So I asked them what part of England they all came from.
Silence across the whole room, many a sharp intake of breath, lots of pearls being clutched...(yes, really)...

What I hadn't realised that being very posh, most of them had gone to boarding school in England. They were all very Scottish, but had no accent.

Being Scottish myself, with a Scottish accent, it had never occurred to me that "one" might have an English accent, but actually BE Scottish!

God, that was awkward....

On my first day at secondary school we had PE with a teacher who was obese.

Walking up to tutor period I said to my friend "if that PE teacher likes sport, how come she's so fat?".
Voice behind me from a boy in my tutor group "that's my mum."
We never made friends even after 5 years in the same tutor group.

My sister brought round some holiday photos. Some from a holiday last year when she was pregnant, and some from her honeymoon.

I held one up of her in a bikini and said, "You can hardly tell you're pregnant in this one."
"I'm not, that's me on my honeymoon." she said in a hurt voice .

Not me putting my foot in it but my SIL. My dad had a few weeks to live (cancer), and she tried to console me by saying - "But think about how much money you'll have when you get the inheritance!"
She continues to be one of the most materialistic people I've ever met.

Just remembered another cringey one:

Chatting to someone about a younger girl we both know who's fairly recently become a Mum. I was saying how lovely the baby is, and what a shame it was that she had had to put her into nursery at 8m old, to return to work, and how I hoped she didn't feel she was missing out on too much. (I was able and wanted to stay at home till mine had started school, and sometimes forget that others need/want to do things differently).

Slight pause in conversation, followed by friend saying that she had put her ds in nursery at 9m to go back to work. Cue furious back-pedaling on my part, claiming huge difference between 8m and 9m (well, 9m is practically a year).

This will probably out me but anyway.
Dhs nanny died on a plane a few years ago. She was returning from holidays and died suddenly just before take off and the flight was obviously delayed several hours.

A couple of months later her DD was in the hairdressers and the hairdresser asked her if she had been away anywhere and then she proceeded to tell her how her return flight from her holidays had been delayed for hours because "some old buddy had snuffed it ".

She at least had the grace to be mortified when DHs aunt told her that the old biddy was her mother.

Oh my god gabsdot That's awful! That's @ quick way to lose a customer!

Meeting now dh for the first time, my mum asked how he liked his coffee

Black no sugar, please

Oh just like you then

Luckily he realised she meant sweet enough already (dh's parents were born in Jamaica)

This was all in one meeting a friend from years ago.

" oh you've got juice plus I thought that was just a scam conning friends out of money " - friends new girlfriend

My friend puts a new status on Facebook overly cheerful, I point out that it looks weird having a post saying R.I.P and a fair well message by a friend and then his overly happy one. Turns out the person who had died was his girlfriends uncle.

And there was 2-3 more that I can't remember I was just gobsmacked thinking someone had cursed me

A friend of mine is a care worker and we took one of his clients to the pub. He (the client) made a big thing of how he liked his beer and how much he could drink without getting drunk. 'Ooh, you must have hollow legs!' I blurted out - remembering even as I said it that he had to use a wheelchair most of the time

Out shopping with mum and sister, we went to this gift shop known for stocking particularly hideous items. Sure enough, they had a selection of horrendously creepy life-size dolls that we were greatly enjoying laughing at. 'Look at THIS one!' cried my sister. 'This is the ugliest one of all!'

Then the 'doll' moved.

A few years ago I went on a date and he disappeared halfway through. Pretty humiliating, I thought - but then I got a very apologetic text saying his mother had been taken ill. I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and see if he got in touch again (as promised). I heard nothing, so assumed excuse.

I then ran into him about two months later and he came over, all 'Wow, how are you, been ages?' I wasn't going to be fooled and said, with all the sarcasm I could muster, 'Hi - how's your mother?'

She was dead.

When doing an early pregnancy clinic as a junior doctor, I called a lady in, and vaguely noticed that she had a male with her but left him in the waiting room. While getting the scanner set up I asked her if her partner would like to come in, only to be told it was her son. As she left, I saw that the person with her was actually a young teenager in a school uniform. I think it must have been the tiredness post night shift.

I bumped in to some friends in the hospital just before their 12 week scan. Whilst talking about it I said "hope it goes well and baby looks healthy. And that there's only one, of course!"

Guess who's having twins?

pilotswife - that's hilarious!

" oh you've got juice plus I thought that was just a scam conning friends out of money " - friends new girlfriend

To be fair, she had a point!

Oops no I mean I said it to my friends new girlfriend and she was selling it, and the fb status I commented about it being unfortunate my friends status was above was about her uncle dying

This isn't me putting my foot in it but a customer in a store I used to be a checkout supervisor in. This man comes marching up to me, red faced and extremely angry holding a partially packaged chicken... conversation went a little like this...

Man: My wife bought this chicken yesterday and we've just gone to cook it and it's absolutely disgusting, it smells and it's going green...
Me: Yes sir, how awful
Man: Well this just isn't on I've had to drive all this way here on Sunday it's completely unacceptable...
Me: Oh I agree sir
Man: I demand a refund right this minute
Me: Well then I suggest you take it back to Morrisons where you got it then sir because I'm afraid there isn't much I can do about it

You see I'd noticed something that he obviously hadn't, I worked in Co-op and the label was clearly marked as Morrisons. He didn't even apologise and he'd had quite a rant, he was so flustered he just walked off even more red faced than when he arrived muttering away to himself about his wife (I assume she'd said Co-op by mistake)

When I first went into lush. I had used one of their solid shampoo bars and loved it so was in for a replacement and proudly went up to the assistant and asked for the "go diva" bar. She gave me this really, really funny look and eventually said, "the Godiva bar?" I went seven shades of red and muttered, yes that one.

I was once in a sales training seminar with a rep from Sony. We were role playing sales techniques ect. She was the part of the buyer .
HER "So one why should I buy this vastly overpriced excellent spanking new technology?"
ME "Well you don't want to buy any old Japanese shit do you"
The room went silent for half a minute before they pissed themselves.
Phew. Thank Fuck I wasn't sacked.

The most stupidly memorable of my foot in mouth moments ...

At work - I'm a GP - patient with leg in cast...

Gosh that looks nasty how did you injure it

Patient "fell over in Iceland, broke both bones, it's really painful "

Me - gosh I hope it didn't spoil your holiday , always wanted to go myself...

Silence , then....

" the freezer shop up the road doc" ......

But I'm always having these moments - I have an awfully literal mind at times !

Not my own but a work friend, talking to a M-F trans colleague "xxx is only fair, after all you've worked your bollocks off in this job..."
She still winces about this 2 years later!